Inner Critic vs. Inner Coach

Your inner critic loves to talk, warning you of all the terrible consequences of everything you do. Your inner critic speaks from your past and selectively recalls only things that went wrong – when you failed that exam, when you under qualified for a job you wanted, when you didn’t get the date with the love of your life. So your inner critic tries to make your present and your future safe and problem free by wrapping you in a cocoon and persuading you to take as little action in the present as possible so that you don’t trip up. And all the negative conversations you have with your negative critic make you feel miserable and stifled in that cocoon instead of all warm cozy and safe. And that’s not the worst. Your inner critic is quite prepared to use nasty tactics to hold you back from living out your dangerous dreams for yourself. It distorts and stretches reality so that it focuses only what you can’t do or be. Your inner critic is not afraid to speak its mind and tell you you’re not good enough, you’re too fat or too stupid.

The good news is that you have an inner coach, cheering you on to have a go and celebrating your progress. The inner coach speaks from your future. That version of you who knows how it all turns out and is bursting to tell you everything is going to be just fine! Yes, you had some hard challenges along the way and even periods when you felt deeply unhappy or frustrated. But your inner coach looks back along your life and sees a great deal more to celebrate – lots of fun and growth and love and happiness. Even what you thought were catastrophes turned out to be blessings in disguise. For example, being turned down for that job you wanted may have resulted in a total career change where you discovered your true calling. And how lucky the love of your life didn’t agree to that date, because you then went on to meet the real love of your life, someone who you didn’t at the time, find remotely interesting.

The job of your inner coach is to encourage you to create a great future by taking positive action in your present. Your inner coach wants to tell you that you can trust yourself, because as long as you take positive action everything will be okay. You can work out how to deal with any false steps along the way and, instead of feeling miserable and stifled wrapped up in all that cocoon, you can feel energized and free, breathing fresh air and looking forward to your next adventure.

You may not even know that your inner coach has a voice you can trust – you may simply let your inner critic run on autopilot so that your inner coach never gets a chance to fly the plane. You can get far better results in your life if switch the roles so that your inner coach is the captain of the plane and your inner critic has a turn only in support and under strict supervision!

Forgiveness

Letting go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Just about all of us at one time or another has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps you were the unjustly treated by a colleague, or your partner had an affair, or you may have been the victim of abuse. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance therefore damaging your emotional state of mind— if you don’t practice forgiveness you might be the one who pays most dearly, un-forgiveness can lead us down a path of bitterness and hate.

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you may become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurt events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. If you’re unforgiving, you may pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might be so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present, and may even find yourself at odds with your spiritual beliefs.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lesson its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace of mind, hope and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path to physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time.
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life and well-being.
• When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you.
• Move away from your roll as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life.

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt.

You might even find compassion and understanding.

Procrastination

This morning I set aside time to begin an assignment for my studies as a life coach. With a cup of coffee in hand I approached my computer spilling a bit of coffee on the desk, as I cleaned the spill I decided to clean and organize the total work area including the book shelf, fax machine and printer.

Upon completion of the task I decided I would work more efficiently if I ate breakfast, I poured a cup of cereal only to find no milk, I went to the store for milk and while there shopped for more items I might need, on the way home I stopped for gas and talked to a neighbor. When I finally arrived home I was in no mood to do the assignment, so I gave the dog a bath.

Procrastination is a psychological effect. It happens when we replace high-priority and urgent activities with less important tasks, therefore putting off the important matters to a later time (which, by the way, may never come). For example, we might have an important report to write, but writing the report is boring, so instead we tidy our desk. We associate pain with writing the report and pleasure with tidying up the desk and our brain will always lead us to pleasure and avoid pain if left un-checked..

Procrastination can be a result of anxiety. We may be worried about a poor performance in a task, or, perhaps we just don’t know where to begin or how to get the help we need.

Procrastination can also lead us to a place of stress or feelings of guilt, which can be compounded if our lack of action impacts others who are depending on us.

The problem procrastination causes when it develops into a habit is these feelings of anxiety, stress and guilt can be the cause of further procrastination becoming a never ending cycle.

For most people procrastination is normal to a certain extent and can be overcome by a few coaching tactics. Listed below are a few simple things I do when I feel procrastination setting in.

1) I visualize completing the task and the benefit I receive when I know it’s complete and don’t have to worry about it any longer. I form a vivid image of me completing the task. This helps me perceive the immediate benefit

2) Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it always amazes me what someone else’s prospective can do. It can result in greater understanding of the project and make it much easier for me to complete.

3) Time management can be a problem with procrastinators. Set a deadline and hold yourself to it.

You may find that committing a deadline to some one who will hold you responsible, helpful. I do.

4) Instead of looking at the big picture all at once, break it down into smaller pieces. It’s far easier to focus on a small task than a big one. Identify the sub-tasks, prioritize them into a logical order of importance and start from the top to complete the project.