Sometimes the vastness of life becomes an overwhelming prospect
I hold my growth in my hands
I look down at it, and wonder things like “shouldn’t it be more?” Or “When will I finally learn?”
With life sometimes feeling like a tiny series of battles within one big battle
And the soreness in my body giving testament to the toll that it has taken

Sometimes I wake up with the burden of bills, overcommitment, and a nagging, rootless guilt orbiting my head, hovering, threatening to crush me
And being aware of it just being too much, I throw it off in a mix of exhaustion and exasperation
The feeling of surrender no longer seeming like weakness, but rather like… “this feels so right – I’m not meant to carry burdens alone, to feel like my worth and strength is in how much I can carry.”
I revel in the release and I conjure the image of a kind, capable friend with superpowers, and I say to that friend “here, hold this for me, will you? I just can’t right now”

And this friend picks up the bundle and says “what took you so long?”

And I think “pride, stubbornness, taking being independent to the extreme.” But I say nothing out loud, and just relax under the lightness of it all.

I notice that my bundle is still tightly packed – in a large white sheet. I have yet to learn how to unpack it, and how to offload it bit by bit.
I think a part of me wants to know that I can take it back at any given moment.

Baby steps.