How do you overcome fear?
Well, to start you have to understand fear. Fear is uncertainty. There are four survival needs and uncertainty is one. The opposite survival need is certainty.
When you have a fear, you are uncertain about what to expect. You feel out of control. Take riding roller coasters for example. I am not a fan. Why? Because I have no control.
When we have a fear, we don’t know what will happen. We think bad things will happen. We want someone to tell us that with 100% certainty we can do this thing and we will be perfectly safe and nothing will go wrong. That would be nice, would it not? But you may be aware by now that life is not like that. Life is full of uncertainty. As the saying goes, the only sure things in life are death and taxes. Ugh! Let’s get off that depressing thought.
Fear is uncertainty and certainty out of balance. How do you gain more certainty? Well, you can’t gain control, right? No. You can’t control heights. You can’t control an airplane unless you are a pilot. You can’t control darkness or whatever it is you fear.
What do you want to change?
No one wants to overcome a fear. I repeat, no one wants to overcome fear.
What you want is to change certainty. You need more of it. For once you gain certainty, your fear will fade and you will have confidence to face it.
So, the first question you have to ask is: How are you currently meeting your need for certainty by not changing? Well, by not facing your fear you give yourself the security of not facing the fear. You stay in your comfort zone to enjoy the pleasure of safety and to avoid the pain of uncertainty.
Are you certain you can’t overcome the fear? You may be using this reasoning to not try to overcome the fear. I know I can’t so why bother.
But now, you want to overcome that fear. It isn’t working for you anymore.
Next questions:
What will you lose if you don’t change? How will that feel?
What will you gain if you do change? How will that feel?
Who will you become if you do or do not change? How will that feel?
What has to happen for you to get what you want and need? What actions can you take to make this change?
It is a habit.
Everything we do is a habit. You created this habit of avoiding this fear. You made the habit. You can break the habit, and create a new one.
Permission to change
It is important to give yourself permission to change. You have had this habit for a long time. Your subconscious wants to give you what you want. And your subconscious has built this habit to avoid the uncertainty. So. you need to tell the subconscious it is OK to change. This is not vital, but it is helpful. Using hypnosis can be a valuable tool.
Last questions:
Who can keep you accountable for this change? Who is in your life that already gets these results?
Find a supportive friend or friends to help you to meet your certainty need on a higher level.
I hope this helps.
Coach
Let me know how you are doing.
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