Greetings~
Why don’t I hear from them?
Have you ever left a voice mail, sent a letter, sent an email or some other message to someone and they don’t respond? And then you wonder why? And did you do it over and over again and still no response?
If it makes a difference to your life, like a job opportunity, a loan you need, a legal issue etc. you dwell on it. You lose sleep over it. You fret. It eats at you.
Why do you dwell?
One reason is because you can’t think of anything you did to upset them. But you search your mind for anything you may have done or anything that may be misunderstood. And, you come up blank.
One reason is because you are hurt. You are reaching out to someone you care about, love even, and they ignore you. And now you feel left out. Those old feelings you had as a child wanting to be part of the cool kid group fills your heart. What if they just don’t want anything to do with me? Why? Don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? I’m nice. Why am I not good enough for you?
The family has turned their back on you
You have sent gifts without recognition. You sent flowers. You sent birthday cards and gifts and you did not even receive acknowledgement the gift was received. Before I continue, this is not about not getting a thank you. This is about people not even acknowledging you sent a letter or gift.
A personal example: I remembered a birthday of a child by sending $10. This child had just become my step-great niece. I have yet to meet her. I wanted to send the gift to show that even though we had not met I cared about her. And no response. Just a message on Face Book is all I wanted.
The lack of response says what?
Now you bounce back and forth. What did I do? Why don’t they like me? It is like a ping pong match in your head. Stop.
I understand it is hard.
I understand not hearing back from other people is hard. It is especially hard if you don’t know why. But you have to let it go.
It isn’t easy. It takes effort. I understand it would help to at least know why they ignore you. But they are not talking to you! Accept it! Stop chasing them. They don’t want anything to do with you. If they were, you could work things out. You could clear up any misunderstandings. I am saying this to me as much as to you.
The story with my step grand niece is just the tip of the iceberg. That happened a couple of years ago. I continued to try to reach out to all of my family. They still are not talking to me. I think I know why. It has to do with something someone else did that made waves, and they are too embarrassed to talk to me. A story for another time. The point is if you are going through this, I am right there with you. I don’t just say I understand. I really do.
What to do?
Shrug your shoulders. Shake your head. Do your Mona Lisa smile. Remind yourself you are a good, likable and valuable person. Remind yourself of the positive relationships in your life. And hey, if these others don’t want to be part of your awesomeness (smile here) it’s their loss. Really. (Nod yes. Smile. There you go.)
Now, let it go. It’s OK. It’s OK to continue to care about these people, but stop trying to win them over. And remember, not hearing back from other people happens to everyone, even me.
If you would like to talk about your experience with this, or anything, you know where to find me. But as a reminder:
Lisa Y life coach, www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach