Hey Boss!
How are you today?
Self judgmental
It seems to me that no one is more judgmental of us than we are. Some of us do that all on our own. Some of us do that because of our upbringing. If you have parents who are very demanding, you may not ever feel as if you are quite living up to expectations. What ever the reason, self judgement has a big impact on our lives.
Trying to live up to certain expectations is a lot of pressure. And when you don’t meet those expectations, disappointment and guilt rise up. When that happens one of two things can happen. You either try harder or you give up.
If you work harder, you are putting a lot of stress on yourself. If you give up, your guilt also grows. Then some spiral of unhappiness sets in. You get torn in different directions.
Judging others
When we live according to high standards, we expect others to live up to those same high standards. These standards we have for us may not even be that high, but may be higher than other people have. Sometimes higher standards are from the way people used to be. Maybe we think a hand shake should be good enough. That is, some of us, myself included, know that our handshake is a solid deal, but other people don’t abide by a written agreement. We may be willing to do things for family and friends without thinking about it, but get disappointed when others don’t return the favor.
When you have standards that others don’t meet, you get disappointed. You may have your feelings hurt. You get confused. But we can’t expect others to do as we would do. Just because you would remember something your customer told you, you can’t expect an employee at a business to give you the same attention. You can’t expect people to help you the way you would help you. You can’t expect others to go above and beyond the norm just because you would. Everyone has their own level of standards, and you can’t think of them as bad people. They just have different standards.
Be less self judgmental and
you will be less judgmental toward others (and happier)
So, what to do? You can’t go around being upset with others for being different. They don’t mean to hurt you. Some have different priorities. What they think is important, is different than what you think is important. If something would not be important to them, they don’t think it is important to you will either. Some times they may not even notice at all that this is important to you. That is really frustrating, isn’t it. You may wonder how they just don’t respond to this urgent and/ important thing? Am I right?
Well, the world is our mirror. And maybe, just maybe you are being too hard on others because you are too hard on yourself. Just because it is natural for you to help others the way you do, it may not be for most other people. Just because you would give more customer service than you received, for example, it does not mean you received poor customer service. It may be that you got bad service or it may be that you expect more based on your own standards.
The point is maybe you expect too much because you put so much out there and don’t get a return in kind. Maybe you need to lower your expectations a smidgen. Maybe? I know it is not easy. But try. As my grandmother used to say, don’t expect much and you won’t be disappointed. Yes, people should do their best. Maybe those who disappoint you are doing their best.
Sounding board
What everyone needs is a sounding board. Do you know someone who is not so expecting of such high standards as you? If so, ask him or her if you are being unreasonable.
Shoulder to lean on
Everyone also needs a shoulder to lean on. If you are feeling let down by others because they are not treating you the way you would treat them find someone to lean on. It is always easier for someone else to put things in perspective than you can do yourself.
If you need to talk about any of this, let me know.
If you could use a neutral third person to be your sounding board or shoulder to lean on, it would be my pleasure to be there for you.
Message me at www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Yeah!
Smile for me!
Lisa Y coaching.