Have you ever said something to someone and their response surprised you? It is like they got the entirely wrong idea. Now they are angry or have hurt feelings and you sit there and think oh crap! No what? Am I right?
So there you are shaking your head and wondering how they got it wrong. You search through your mind wondering what to say to “fix” it.
Is the first thing you say, “That did not come out right.”? Because some how it is your fault. Right? You said it wrong.
Hold on! Did you say it wrong? Maybe. But Maybe they took it wrong.
It isn’t always the message we intend to communicate which is heard. Sometimes it is the interpretation that is mixed up. People interpret things based on their own experiences in life. Maybe they are defensive about a certain issue. Maybe they feel guilty about a certain topic. Maybe they have been thinking about this topic in their head and think bad about it, and think you think the same as they do. And perhaps they think you are being harsh or judgmental.
The point is if someone responds to something you say to them much differently than you expect them to, it may not be your fault. You may not have said something that “came out wrong”. If their response surprises you, ask them why they reacted that way. Listen to what they think you said. Don’t get defensive and say “I didn’t say that”. Don’t be accusing either and say “you took that wrong”. Listen and ask questions if you must to get clarity. Try to find out what made them react that way. Then, restate your message.
It isn’t the intention of the statement that matters it is the interpretation. It does not matter what you meant if it is taken wrong.
OK. I hope that helps.
Cheers!
Coach.
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