Story number one: So, once upon a time a politician was canvassing neighborhoods. She was walking a quiet street. This street had no curb and no side walk. So, as she went door to door, she promised that if elected she would make sure there would be a curb and sidewalks.
But, that was not enough to convince people to vote for her. It actually turned some neighbors off.
Story number two: So, once upon a time a product an older couple had malfunctioned and ruined their rug. They contacted the manufacturer and let them know. The manufacturer felt terrible. They offered the older couple some money. “No”, answered the old couple. They offered them more money. “No”, answered the couple. They made every offer they could, and the answer was always no. Finally, the manufacturer asked, “What do you want?” “We just want a new rug”.
Moral of the stories: The politician assumed that everyone wanted curbs and sidewalks. It never occurred to her that some people like their street just plain. Maybe they liked the more rural look. Maybe they just had no need for the curbs and sidewalks.
The manufacturer assumed that people want a lot of cash. It did not occur to them that a simple replacement of the old rug would suffice.
The point: Unless we ask what people want, it is not always best to assume that we all want the same things. Think about it. Do you value certain things and you have a friend who does not value them at all? Sometimes people want less than we want to offer and sometimes they want more. The best way to help people is to start with asking, what do you want?
Think about married couples and what happens when they want different things in life. Many refer to that as “growing apart”. (FYI The key to helping in this situation is what I call RAT: Relationship Acceptance Training where people, married couples, friends, siblings, co-workers etc. learn to accept each other rather than change each other, but that is a topic for another day).
Some people know exactly what they want. Others may only have a general idea what they want, and may need help defining it. (There is a simple exercise called 7 Levels Deep that can be very helpful in defining a goal or desire. I can share that with you if you want.) Whatever the case may be, I have one question for you, What do you want?
Then I ask this: If you could meet those goals, what is that worth to you?
I will let you think about that, and I will leave you with this last thought, I have had negotiation training. That is where I learned to ask what do you want before making any offers.
If you want that 7 Levels Deep exercise, let me know: www.facebook.com/lisaylife coach
Coach Lisa