Dad’s work

So a few days ago I did a post for moms. Today it is for dads.

I don’t know about you, but I think that the role of dad as nurturer has long been minimized. I think it has a lot to do with how you dads show your nurturing. It isn’t quite as obvious as how moms do it.

My dad did it by encouraging me to make my own decisions. He did it by giving me a part time job. He did it by showing me how to do small home repair things like rewiring outlets. He did it by showing me how to change a tire. He did it by teaching me how to make the perfect martini. He did it by showing me how to barbecue a steak. He did it by encouraging me too learn computers back in 1981 or 1982. (I thought he was nuts. I would never use that computer knowledge). Pop, he told me how to act on a date. He gave me the man’s point of view. He taught me to look people in the eye.

You get the idea.

Dads they are the fun ones. They are the ones that each you to ride a bike. My pop tried to teach me basketball. He tried to teach me tennis. We did play racquetball  He taught me to play pool. He taught me how to fish. He took me for rides on a motorcycle. He used to put me on his shoulders and we would go what seemed to be very far into the ocean. He taught me about rip tides too.

Dads, they see their role as the providers and protectors. But they are so much more.

So, dear dads, thank you for all you do. You can’t fool us. No matter how strong you are, you still nurture your children. You give your children tools for life. You give them direction. But you let them stumble and fall. But you give them a hand up too.

You know, they aren’t perfect. Just remember, they do the best they can.

My pop is in Heaven now. I cry right now missing him. Pop, thank you for being my pop.

Lisa Y. life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Mom’s work

Are you pushing yourself too hard, mom?

 Children activities, Cleaning children,Cleaning dishes, Cleaning house,

Cooking meals, Feeding pets, Paying Bills,

Shopping for gifts, Shopping for groceries, Shopping for school supplies,

Taking children to Doctor, Work outside the home

Do you need more breaks?

As women it is so easy to fall into a frantic routine. If asked how she does it all, a woman will say, “you do what you have to do.”

Sometimes I wonder ho my mom did it all. She cooked, cleaned, maintained a beautiful home and maintained the yard as well. At one time we had a 3100 square foot home on 3 acres. We also had a pool. We had a variety of dogs and cats. Mom took care of it.

It is all I can manage to take care of a 1300 square foot home, a 65′ by 90′ city lot and two dogs. My house is always needing something. When I hear women say they get bored, I wonder how is that possible?

Do you need more breaks?

As women, we often neglect our own needs. It is hard. By the time we take care of everything else. We are tired. Do you ever sit down and want something and just sit there too tired to move? Some nights I am actually too tired to get up and go to bed. When I finally have the energy to go to bed, I take the dogs out one last time. I give them a going to bed cookie. I grab my things and shuffle to the bedroom. I may or may not have the energy to brush my teeth.

But then, I start thinking. What should I cook for tomorrow’s meals? I make lists in my head. And by 3 in the morning I am sound asleep. I am up at 6:30 and start all over. It takes me a couple of hours to wake up. By 8:30, that lack of sleep is hardly noticeable.

It seems to me that I am more tired than mom was. Maybe she hid it really well.

What to do?

Aside from getting help, remember that you can only do so much. Find some activities and friends to fill some of your time. Get out of your frantic life from time to time. Find at least 30 minutes, an hour is better, just for you. Take a walk. Meditate. Exercise at the gym. Go shopping. Be creative and take up some sort of art project. Play cards. Do nothing. I don’t know, but do something fun. What ever it is you do enjoy the time. No buts. If something does not get done, so what? If, when you go to bed at night, and that one thing did not get done, if it does not matter, then it was fine to not do it, right?

Listen, if you don’t take care of you, who will? If you don’t take time out for you, you will get so worn out that you will close your heart. Keep your heart open and be kind to you. You deserve it. Let the weary rest. If you don’t, you will run out of energy.

OK moms, take care.

Lisa Y. life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Letter from the wife of Pontius Pilate

* I want this blog to be religion and politically neutral. But this is an exception. Easter is just around the corner and I want to share a story over the next couple of weeks. This is the Easter story as told by Claudia, the wife of Pontius Pilate. 

If you are Christian, I hope you enjoy seeing the story from “the other side”.

If you are not a Christian, this story can still be for you. It is about  a woman and the trials and struggles she has because of her husband’s actions. This can be anyone’s story. Maybe it could be what a woman (or a man) goes through when her husband(or his wife) or child gets addicted to drugs. Maybe it could be what a woman(or man) goes through if her husband(his wife) or child commits a crime. Maybe it could be what a woman(or man) goes through if her(his) spouse gambles away all their money. Or just about any other life changing event occurs in one’s life.

CLAUDIA’S STORY

“I am the wife of the man who condemned Christ Jesus to death!” So wrote Claudia, wife of Pontius Pilate, in this personal letter to her friend, Fulvia, shortly before her husband’s death.

STAND beside Claudia through the trials and loneliness of her early marriage, her entreaties to Pontius, her awareness of Jesus, the verdict, and the final degradation that befell them both.

FEEL the monumental compassion of Claudia for her husband, her son Pilo, and for Jesus. Feel the awesome proportions of fear Pontius had, and the ambition that influenced his fateful decision.

WITNESS though Claudia’s eyes the little known events of the crucifixion of Christ.

THE SEQUENCE:

PROLOGUE “…somewhere, some woman will understand.”

CLAUDIA AND PONTIUS “…for I seek truth, the truth of life!”

PILO “…my son had a withered foot!”

CLAUDIA’S LONELINESS “..my husband judged not the ache in my heart.”

JESUS “…and Salome whispered to me of a carpenter of Nazareth.”

THE PLAGUE “A strange sickness fell upon us that summer.”

THE HEALINGS “…Before I had asked of Jesus, He had heard!”

PILATE’S INDECISION “I must search the matter further…”

CLAUDIA’S DREAM “…and there were those who had been healed in heart and mind, as well as body.”

THE TRIBUNAL “Who is friend to this man is no friend of Caesar!”

CLAUDIA’S PLEA “Have no part in His death!”

THE VERDICT “What shall I do with this man?”

RETRIBUTION “Pilate sees in me the witness to his crime…”

EPILOGUE “Ye who pray, pray now for Pontius!”

PREFACE

“When he was set down upon the judgement seat, his wife sent unto him saying have nothing to do with that just man for I have have suffered many things this day in a dream because of Him” Matthew 27:19

This brief appearance of Pilate’s wife in the Bible has given rise to much theological study, and the development of a number of traditions concerning her. She had already become a convert to the new faith. She is honored as a Saint by the Greek Orthodox Church who have set aside October 27 as her feast day. The Copts too have canonized Claudia and honor her on June 25. In any case, her immortality is based on the fact that she had the courage to testify to Jesus’ righteousness and innocence  at the time of His trial and approaching crucifixion.

 Records of the letter have appeared throughout the centuries. For instance, Madame deMaintenon, during the reign of Louis XIV, had the letter read every Good Friday before the court assembled at Versailles. In some of the older communities of Europe, its reading follows the washing of the feet of the poor on Good Friday. A copy of the letter was found among the personal papers of the late Czarina of Russia.

 In the early part of the last century, it was rediscovered in a monestary at Burges by Catherine Van Dyke who translated it into English.

Claudia’s Story

You ask me, dear and faithful friend, for an account of some of the rumors which have already reached you concerning Pontius and myself, and you appear frightened at the mystery by which we are enveloped. Read this, my scroll, and give to me at least an understanding. For, O Fulvia, I am the wife of the man who condemned Christ Jesus to death.

Even here in his little Gallic mountain town where Pontius and I have been driven, he by remorse, and the scorn of Rome as well as that of Jerusalem. If even here children slink away from us and women draw their veils closer, let me believe that somewhere some woman will understand, even as she the mother of Jesus would have understood.

But first remember my childhood in Narbonne. You will recall that I had scarcely completed my fifteenth year when I was betrothed to Pontius, then holding an honorable position in Illyria. I had never seen Pontius before my marriage feast, nor did I know any love, nor how that flame may burn within the human breast. Pontius somewhat praised my beauty, and I know he esteemed my wealth, for he was ambitious. Love he held a weakness fit only for women, for Pontius was a philosopher.

Altho the flute players pleaded all night before my bridal chamber, they did not know I lay alone, for Pontius had me put from him, saying, “I seek truth, the truth of life.” Often he would rise from his library, closeted with his scribes, and poise against the dawn and my empty arms, the question, “What is truth?” Thus five years passed before I became wife enough to be a mother. Then I lived a new life in the rapture of my child.

But, Fulvia, only love can beget love and its perfect image. My son, Pilo, so beautiful, so bright in his smile that the very slaves looked up when he passed, my son had a withered foot. But soon he learned to walk with a very little crutch. Pontius was divided between his chagrin in a son who could not be a soldier and pride that he yet had an heir to his name as old as Rome itself.

Now ambition stirred in him the politician. Caesar’s favor named him Consul of Judea, a step toward Egypt. Thus we came to Jerusalem. None of all the vast lands that paid tribute to Rome was more beautiful than these purple hills folding back into yellow sands. Roses and scented myrtle trailed to every rooftop, while the palms, lovelier even than those at Delos, waved above gnarled gray olive trees, or groves of oranges or those scarlet pomegranates of which their Solomon had sung.

Above all, even above our Roman courts, towered the mighty temple of Jerusalem, its sacrificial smoke smudging the sky. But all the flattering pomps and pageantries of our coming mocked us. The Hebrews detested us and our court of “idolatrous pagans”, as they styled my countrymen. These Jews were a turbulent people, and very heady. Their thousand sects were united only in their hate of Rome.

Some few believed the time had come to pass for a Messiah to appear who would make himself king and overthrow our own power. In this way we felt them very secretly abetted by Herod, not for any treason, but that he had a cousin who would supplant Pontius. Herod held his right most because he was a fisherman, and Caesar, too was a fisherman. And they wrote one to the other about their fishing. Now we were apportioned part of the palace of  Herod and were much beholden to him. If Herod drew upon himself the scorn of those Sadducees he sought most to please with his dancing girls and wine feasts, Pontius too was hated by the Pharisees with whom he would wrangle for truth.

Austere and very just in his judgments here, yet my husband judged not the ache in my heart, nor turned to me then as to a faithful servant. Had it not been for my boy, Pilo, I would have died of loneliness in Jerusalem, even in all the dazzling circumstance with which Rome upheld our court. My boy became my love, my life. Withered tho his foot was, he was brave, and threw away his crutch early and endured without any protest all the torments of the pullers and straighteners Pontius brought increasingly for more and more he looked to our son.

…to be continued next post April 7.

Lisa Y. Life Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoch

5 to thrive

Hey~

How are you today?

To be a happy and fulfilled person we need 5 things:

TOUCH

NURTURING

CONNECTION

PERMANENCE

REASSURANCE

How are you doing on this list? If any of these things are missing, you need to find a way to get that void filled.

If you need help with that, maybe I can help you find the answer.

And if not in your immediate circle, I can fill all of those except touch, unless you live in my city.

Cheers!

Lisa Y. Life Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Dying for kindness

DYING.

I think we should treat everyone as if they were dying. Think of how differently you would treat them…kindness, gentleness, love, peace, true tolerance and patience. We would bond as just plain humans. Providing comfort and small gestures of pleasure would be a priority.

How would you treat others if you thought they were dying? Only evil people would not have the ability to act humanely.

Maybe we should have “Pretend They Are Dying”

The way we treat people is a habit. We can change the habit.

Lisa Y. Life Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Never wrong

My two goals of this blog:

1) I want to build up people. I am a very spiritual person, and my first goal is to share my philosophy about life. I want to lift your spiritual side. Do you feel lost? Are you seeking meaning or purpose? Do wonder what it is all about? Well, I think I know. I can discuss the big questions in life. Purpose? Why bad things happen? Why prayers not always answered? Ask me at www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach. Whatever the question, I have the answer.

2) Transformation coaching. My method of coaching is strategy coaching. Everything we do or don’t do every problem comes down to 4 survival needs. When you understand your inner drive, you transform from the inside out.

Me: I am someone who has learned to  distill wisdom from life’s experiences. I have insatiable curiosity about people. I have sensibility and a nonjudgmental attitude. I am really open. I believe in truth and have a high level of courage to tell the truth.

You have the answer in you. What I do is to guide you to the answer. And when you have found it, I will confirm it.

My slogan is co-answer, co-achieve. 

I know what it is to feel lost, confused, that life is hopeless. So who am I to tell others about life? Who am I to lift up the spiritual life of other people? I have risen above all of that.

I have seen that life works out, and knowing that you can relax and lose your fear. There are no coincidences in life. Everything happens for a reason. There are no mistakes, and you are never wrong.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda are irrelevant. Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. I know, that is hard to believe when life is troubled. But it is true. You are as you are supposed to be. Your parents are the people they were meant to be.

I know. It sounds like I am just going to tell you that life is filled with peace, love, rainbows and unicorns. No, I am not going to tell you that. I will admit that sometimes life sucks. I will admit that there are reasons to feel sad and hopeless and even full of despair. I have felt that way too. But when you relax and know with confidence that things do get better, you can come out of bad times. I have. You can too.

Thank you for your time.

Lisa Y., life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

 

 

 

Don’t Wing It!

Sometimes we want things so much we just can’t wait. So, we start without a plan. We wing it!

So, what’s wrong with that?

Well, when we wing it we do a lot of trial and error.

Example: Creating a recipe from the top of your head. If you are lucky, you will succeed on the first try. But if you do not succeed on the first try, you tweak things a little. That makes things better or worse. Then we continue to make adjustments. We do a little more of this and a little less of that.

But, when the recipe is finished and you like what you made, how do you make it again?

You know how you started. You know what ingredients you used. But at this point, you really don’t remember what you did. So, when you want to recreate this masterpiece,  you have to wing it all over again. And that is OK. But it isn’t the easiest way to go about making that dish again.

It is OK to wing it when you are making a recipe. You will eventually get  the recipe the way you like it. But is winging it the best way to transform your life?

Transforming your life is not winging it. If you try to wing it when it comes to your life, you will just end up spinning your wheels. You will try this and that. Sometimes it will get better and sometimes it will get worse. And the thing is, you won’t know what you did to make it better or to make it worse. You need specific, measurable results. How do you do that? By having a plan.

To transform your life you need to truly understand your need, your motivator, what it is you really seek. What pain you are trying to avoid and what pleasure will replace it. The empowering alternative from what you are currently doing which  will fill your need at a higher level. And you need conditioning, practice, and support. Hypnosis, which you can do yourself, is a helpful tool for this. Hypnosis turns off your conscious mind. It turns on your subconscious mind, and gives you permission to change.

Lisa Y. Life Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

I’m an empath

I want to share a BIG part of who I am. I am an empath.

In case you are not familiar with what an empath is let me explain. In very general terms, an empath is very sensitive to the world. Our sensitivity ranges from somewhat sensitive to extremely sensitive. Me, I am in the middle, but my empath side of me is growing.

Why am I telling you this? As an empath, I have a knack for sensing more about what is going on with you than an average person. I am not a mind reader so I don’t know your secrets unless you tell me. But I can sense what it hidden. I can read more into what you are or are not saying.

What does this mean to you? Sometimes, people have a hard time expressing what is on their minds and in their heart. As an empath, I can facilitate that better than a non-empath. I can ask better questions that lead to the core of the issue and the strategy to turn things around.

Quicker results. The quicker you get to the core of the issue and create a strategy the quicker you transform your world.

But, I can’t do it myself. You do have to participate. You have to be frank with yourself. You have the answer. You just don’t know you have the answer.

Lisa Y. Life Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

 

Break the Silence

Hey~

So, let me tell you a true story.

In a nutshell, a woman I know was terribly hurt by her family. There were broken promises. A big brother who failed to protect her from financial disaster in her dealings with her nephew. A nephew who lost business investment money lent for the high of heroine. And to top it off a side comment while in jail to rob and kill her for what ever money is left for even more heroine money.

She told her  brother and his wife and her nephew, currently in prison,  how much pain they have put her through. Their response is silence. I have pondered why the silence. That is what I do. I ponder. The answer is this. The silence means they are sorry. How do I know? Well, if they were talking, that would mean they don’t care. They would just go on as if nothing ever happened. But,  they have no words to respond. There are no excuses. There is no justification.

On one hand this is good in a way especially on the part of the nephew. Why? Well, there is genuine remorse. That means there is true intention for him  to make it right. Where there is remorse there is desire to make it right.

On the other hand, they are silent. She reached out.  because she could not be silent. And, she wanted them to say they are sorry. She wanted assurances they will make it right. But the silence is deafening. It seems like she reached out and no one is there.

What to do?

It starts with the nephew. He will be released soon from prison. The exact date is unknown, but by the end of August. Now, this is good and bad. It is bad as there is still that jail house comment about robbing and killing her. It is good as there is opportunity to meet and work this out. They need to work it out. The money lent cannot be lost. The nephew has an incredible ability to make money legally when he puts his mind to it. The current silence says he has every intention to do just that.

They need to break the silence.

They need to come face to face. She needs to tell him face to face how much pain he has caused. He needs to respond. He needs to apologize. A plan to make it right needs to be made. Then, the nephew needs to talk to his parents and siblings. He needs to bring everyone together.

In coaching terms:

There is the diagnosis. What is the need? Love and connection.

Then there is leverage. The positive reason to change the pain no one can bear any longer to the pleasure of eliminating that pain.

There is the empowering alternative. This is the strategy for meting the need, love and connection, on a higher level.

Finally, there is conditioning. Take action to get away from the bad influences and into the good. Creating support.

The key point here is break the silence.  If you have been hurt, don’t be silent. If you hurt another, don’t be silent. Be brave. Find the words to express how bad you feel. Then, following the coaching steps above, work it out.

Just with what you know,  you may think this situation has little hope of being resolved. If you knew  the details which would make your head spin, you would have little hope this will be resolved. He did make that rob and kill comment after all. But I know it will be resolved. It starts with breaking the silence.

Lisa Y. life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Make the change

You, Yes You!

Make a change. For once in your life, make a change. It’s gonna feel real good. You’re gonna make a difference, and you’re gonna make it right.

Look at your life, and then make a change.

 Make it right.  If you want to make your world a better place, take a look at your life then make that change.

Look at yourself. Tell yourself to change your ways, and make that change.

Get it right while you still have the time. Open your heart and open your mind. Wanna make your world a better place? Look at your life and make a change.

I’m asking you to change your ways. You. Yes You.  If you want to make your world a better place, make a change.

If you want to make your world a better place, make a change. 

Gonna feel good now!

Come on! Change!

Lift yourself up!

You know you want more. You’ve got to start. Make that change today!

Make the move!

Come on!

Stand up! Stand Up! Stand Up!

Make that change!

Lift yourself up!

Make that change!

Lisa Y. Life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach