Category: Uncategorized

Communicate to prevent misunderstanding

Hey Boss!

How are you?

Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding often comes from the lack of knowledge. How many times are people hurt or angry because they do not know the whole story? A woman I know has been brought to tears day after day because she thought someone was not caring about their feelings. Why don’t they care, she asked? She thought someone was not being nice to her. But what she just recently found out is that the person was doing their best under the circumstances. They were unemployed. Yep.

So now she feels bad for being so upset. But I tell her don’t beat your self up. It isn’t your fault you were so angry. With the knowledge you had, you had every right to be angry. If you had been told the whole story, you would have known the other person was struggling too.

Tell the whole story and release the tension. 

Be aware of how your actions are impacting the lives of other people. If your actions are causing grief for others and you don’t want to do that, then talk. This woman I was helping, told her friend how hurt she was. And yet the friend just let her be hurt and angry with her. I find this baffling. Why would you let someone be hurt? Why would you hurt yourself by having someone be so angry with you?

If you really care about others, don’t let them be hurt. If the woman who was unemployed just told her friend she was unemployed, that would have eased all the tension. They were both feeling frustrated, and that little bit of information would have changed everything.

Relationship Acceptance Training

One of the things that is important to me is to help people work out bad relationships. In the case of the two women in this blog, this could have been resolved really easily. It is my suggestion that they acknowledge the frustration they shared and how unnecessary it was. And move forward as better friends with open communication.

But some relationship issues are a lot more complicated. Some take accepting others as they are. It also takes finding the good in the other person. It takes understanding the other point of view. Why is that so important? Why does that flip them out? What may be nothing to you is huge to them.

The answer lies in what makes them tick. There are 4 survivor needs. When you understand your top need and their top need then you can have understanding and work things out.

If you are in a long term relationship, and have an ongoing battle and would like to resolve it, let me know.

Reconcile. Accept. Together.

Yeah!

Smile for me.

Lisa Y coaching.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Judgmental of self and judgement of others

Hey Boss!

How are you today?

Self judgmental

It seems to me that no one is more judgmental of us than we are. Some of us do that all on our own. Some of us do that because of our upbringing. If you have parents who are very demanding, you may not ever feel as if you are quite living up to expectations. What ever the reason, self judgement has a big impact on our lives.

Trying to live up to certain expectations is a lot of pressure. And when you don’t meet those expectations, disappointment and guilt rise up. When that happens one of two things can happen. You either try harder or you give up.

If you work harder, you are putting a lot of stress on yourself. If you give up, your guilt also grows. Then some spiral of unhappiness sets in. You get torn in different directions.

Judging others

When we live according to high standards, we expect others to live up to those same high standards. These standards we have for us may not even be that high, but may be higher than other people have. Sometimes higher standards are from the way people used to be. Maybe we think a hand shake should be good enough. That is, some of us, myself included, know that our handshake is a solid deal, but other people don’t abide by a written agreement. We may be willing to do things for family and friends without thinking about it, but get disappointed when others don’t return the favor.

When you have standards that others don’t meet, you get disappointed. You may have your feelings hurt. You get confused. But we can’t expect others to do as we would do. Just because you would remember something your customer told you, you can’t expect an employee at a business to give you the same attention. You can’t expect people to help you the way you would help you. You can’t expect others to go above and beyond the norm just because you would. Everyone has their own level of standards, and you can’t think of them as bad people. They just have different standards.

Be less self judgmental and

 you will be less judgmental toward others (and happier)

So, what to do? You can’t go around being upset with others for being different. They don’t mean to hurt you. Some have different priorities. What they think is important, is different than what you think is important. If something would not be important to them, they don’t think it is important to you will either. Some times they may not even notice at all that this is important to you. That is really frustrating, isn’t it. You may wonder how they just don’t respond to this urgent and/ important thing? Am I right?

Well, the world is our mirror. And maybe, just maybe you are being too hard on others because you are too hard on yourself. Just because it is natural for you to help others the way you do, it may not be for most other people. Just because you would give more customer service than you received, for example, it does not mean you received poor customer service. It may be that you got bad service or it may be that you expect more based on your own standards.

The point is maybe you expect too much because you put so much out there and don’t get a return in kind. Maybe you need to lower your expectations a smidgen. Maybe? I know it is not easy. But try. As my grandmother used to say, don’t expect much and you won’t be disappointed. Yes, people should do their best. Maybe those who disappoint you are doing their best.

Sounding board

What everyone needs is a sounding board. Do you know someone who is not so expecting of such high standards as you? If so, ask him or her if you are being unreasonable.

Shoulder to lean on

Everyone also needs a shoulder to lean on. If you are feeling let down by others because they are not treating you the way you would treat them find someone to lean on. It is always easier for someone else to put things in perspective than you can do yourself.

If you need to talk about any of this, let me know. 

If you could use a neutral third person to be your sounding board or shoulder to lean on, it would be my pleasure to be there for you.

Message me at www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Yeah!

Smile for me!

Lisa Y coaching.

Happy Birthday…Happy New Year!

Hey Boss!~

So, I want to get right to it. Today is my birthday! Yeah!

Happy New Year!

I want to share with you my tradition. Unlike most everyone else, I make my “New Year” resolutions on my birthday instead of for January 1st. Why? Well, because it is my new year.

My resolutions. 

My resolutions are to help, truly help, 52 people this year. Help. I love to give safety and helpful tips. I love to give inspiration, no matter how small. I love to give words of encouragement. I love to give friendship and hope. But I am here to transform lives. It is my resolution to help 52 people answer that burning question. Get on the right path and stay there until the end goal is met.

I knew when I was 4 years old that this was my calling. So, that is why I am here. I am here to give gifts to the world. I want to be a friend to those who need change. I want to be a friend to those in pain. I want to be a friend to those who are sad or even depressed. I want to be a friend to those who are alone. I want to be a friend to those who have ruined or who have a relationship of any sort with someone who has turned their life upside down because of drugs or alcohol I also want to be a friend to someone who wants to share good news.

If you want to help me to meet my goals, start by messaging me here www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Today

So, today is my birthday. So, I may not be working much today. My sister lives 2 hours away, and she and her husband are taking me out to the casino! Yeah! That is gift enough, but I know she has some other gift. No matter how many times I tell her no gifts she still does it. Oh well, I still love her and she loves me.

Normally, I have you smile for me, but it’s  my birthday so wish me luck at the casino. Thanks.

Lisa Y life coaching

mindfulness lesson 12

Hey Boss!

How are you today?

Develop the original mind

Mindfulness/meditation is more than relaxation and awareness. Relaxation is the vehicle to the end goal. The end goal is to have a tranquil heart and a clear mind. Once you do that you can  develop the original (spiritual) mind. The original mind is your self. This is to distinguish between what you reflect as a mirror of the world and your spiritual mind. It is to distinguish between your earthly mind and your heavenly mind.

Mind control

Control your mind control your life. Our minds are so amazing. The power of the mind is untapped power. Being aware of your environment and your perceptions of the world are key to accomplish any goal you have. As mentioned before, mindfulness is not just for the 20 minutes or so you take for meditation. No, it is for your waking hours. It is something that you do without thinking. As you practice meditation and mindfulness, it will become second nature just like breathing.

Nirvana

Nirvana is the unity of mind and body. Your mind and body work as one. As you unite your mind and body in meditation, you open the passage way to wisdom. Certain thoughts will come to your mind. Accept the thought. Allow it to come into your mind. The thought or feeling comes in with the inhale and exits with the exhale. I comes and goes as peacefully as the tide. The idea of mediation is not to be without thoughts or feelings. It  is about being aware. But, you don’t want to dwell. As you practice, you will become more and more aware of your thoughts and feelings even when not in meditation. You will train your body to accept how it feels as well, and to not dwell on things.

Share with me. I would love to hear from you. You can leave a message at www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Smile for me!

Yeah!

Lisa Y coaching

Accept and respect your friends and family

Hey Boss!

Friends and Family

So, these are the people with whom we are familiar. These are the people in our life. Sometimes we stop seeing our friends and family, don’t we? We are so used to their being around we don’t pay much attention to them. We start taking them for granted. We stop seeing the special things about them. When friends and family do things, we may notice, but we minimize the action. Oh, that’s just so and so.

The differences

In all relationships, we are alike in some ways and different in others. We all do weird things sometimes. We all have those embarrassing habits. We all do things that make us look silly or foolish. Maybe we act a certain way after a few alcoholic beverages. Or maybe we get carried away while watching a sport. Maybe we have a crazy idea or thing we want to accomplish. These unusual things that make us stick out are the differences we have from our friends or family.

Embarrassed?

Sometimes those differences make your friends and family embarrassed. Have you ever had a friend tell you to stop doing something because it is embarrassing? I haven’t, but I think my friends just don’t do it. My friends just pretend what I just did or said just did not happen. But I am here to suggest you not be embarrassed by your friends or family weirdness. Look, that is what makes them who they are. Who would they be if you took that away?

Accept and respect

We need to accept others as they are. We are all human beings with feelings. We have our own thoughts. We have our own ideas. We are intelligent. We all have a passion.

I think there is a lack of respect in this world. What needs to be respected.

  • Other people’s beliefs. You don’t have to agree, but you can be supportive. If someone sticks by their beliefs and they do not back down that is something to be respected.
  • Pursue. If someone pursues their passion, that deserves respect. It is not always easy to pursue without support of others. So, show your support. Boldness needs to be respected. When someone is bold enough to put their self out there that deserves respect. They are trying.
  • Authenticity. It is not easy to be real. It is not easy to let your true self show. If you know someone who does show them respect because it is hard to standout.
  • Integrity. When someone shows integrity, show respect.
  • Dependability. Can you count on this person to do what they say? Can you count on them to be by your side? Are they responsible? Respect that.
  • Honor. Do they do as they say? Can they be trusted to do what they say they will do? Are they the sort of person whose hand shake is all you need to trust them? Respect that.
  • Hard work and effort. Life can be hard. It takes a lot of work sometimes. If someone is doing their best and working hard, respect that.

Help

If you have a skill or ability that your friend or family member lacks, give them a hand. Why make your friend struggle when you can easily help them? If your friend or family member is trying to do something like promote a cause or a business on the internet say through Facebook, you don’t have to buy their goods or services or contribute to the cause, but can’t you share the message? Really, it won’t hurt you. And you will get respect for being a good friend.

We are all in this world together. Helping others you really help yourself. Don’t be embarrassed to help a friend or your family. They need your love and support, and you will feel good doing it. Show your kindness.

I still believe in the Golden Rule to treat others as you would like to be treated.

Smile for me!

Yeah!

Lisa Y coaching

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Male domestic violence and male suicide

Hey~

How are you today?

Today I want to discuss male domestic violence.

Abuse toward women

So, we are familiar with women being abused. We sympathize with them because they are generally smaller than men, and are not generally as strong as men. We think of women being protected by men. So, when women are abused we get very upset by it. Many women either do not have a place to go to escape and if they have a place to go some are afraid to leave as they fear the man will come after them.

Abuse toward men

Men can be abused as well. They don’t get much sympathy if any at all. It is a general consensus that men can defend themselves because they are usually bigger and stronger.

Being abused for men has it’s own issues. First of all, they don’t have as many options to escape. There are no shelters for abused men. They may not want to go to a friend’s house unless they lie. It is not like a man is going to want to tell his friend he is being physically abused by a woman. He would probably say his wife kicked him out.

Second, it is a general belief that men are the aggressive ones. If a man merely defends himself, and the police get involved, they don’t believe that he was defending himself. All a woman has to do is say he started it, and he is taken to jail and may face criminal charges. And how can he prove that he defended himself?

The consequences

Domestic violence is a terrible thing. Your home is the one place you feel you should feel safe. No one should feel afraid to be in their own home. everyone should be able to be at home and feel at peace. It should not be a prison where you sleep with one eye open or with continual bullying and harassment.

But for men, they have society on the side of the woman who abuses them. They may not speak up because the police will probably think he started it. So they won’t go to the police because their claims may not be taken seriously for one thus no charges will be brought against his abuser, and if the police think he started it he may face charges of abuse himself just for defending himself. Few will believe them. Few will think of them as victims. Many abused men lose their jobs. They may have to prove their innocence of abusing her. They get divorced and lose their rights to see their children. They may be required to pay money to the woman who abused them. Plus, they have to be the man who got up by a woman. What does this all lead to? A feeling of being alone and unsupported leading to suicide. This is a leading reason for men to commit suicide.

Domestic violence toward men 

 Domestic violence toward men is a very serious issue. It is an issue that is not taken very seriously. But it should be. Every 15 seconds some man somewhere is being abused.

Be aware. I want you to be aware that this is a real issue. A lot of good men are having their lives damaged if not ruined by an abusive woman. This double standard needs to be stopped.

All victims of domestic violence, male and female, should be helped and protected.

Need to talk?

If you are a man or a woman who is being abused, I will be willing to listen. Don’t suffer in silence.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Lisa Y coaching

mindfulness lesson 10

Hello~

How is your mindfulness going?

meditation for rest

We all know how important having plenty of rest is for general health. But unless you sleep like a log, you are probably not getting a lot of true rest when you sleep.  With all the twisting and turning you do, your body can be very tense. I have had people tell me that they wake up with their fingers all sore from apparently making a fist all night. They have tired jaws from clenching their jaws all night. Doesn’t sound all that relaxing to me. How many times have you gotten up in the morning not feeling rested?

This is one reason you need meditation. Sitting in meditation, gets you truly relaxed. With meditation, you turn your conscious mind off. You can actually do that by the way. I do that every night when I go to sleep.

How to sit

There is the full lotus position. This is where you sit with the left foot on the right thigh and the right foot on the left thigh.  This can be a very difficult position if you are not very limber. There is also the half lotus where you put one foot on the opposite thigh. If you get uncomfortable, you can always change which foot goes on the opposite thigh. Some people meditate in the Japanese style. This is with the knees bent and resting on their two legs. Personally, I think just sitting in a chair or on a couch even is perfectly fine. You want to be comfortable. Having good posture is important for proper breathing. You will start with your eyes focused between 3-6 feet away. And you want to add your Mona Lisa smile.

Meditation basics

Take a few slow and easy breaths. Relax your entire body. Release all the tension. Release all your worries. Release anything that concerns you. Imagine going with the flow of life. Imagine being a river. The water washes all the negative away. For at least 20 minutes and perhaps as long as 30, just follow your breath. Feel yourself being that river and going in the direction of least resistance. You are just going with the current. Continue to let go of all tension. This is the tension in your body and in your life. Feel yourself being filled with peace. Remember to maintain your Mona Lisa smile.

The pebble

I want to take this meditation deeper. In the last lesson, I talked about the pebble. Remember? I mentioned thinking about relaxation being like the ripple of a pebble. Imagine that pebble. Instead of being the river, you are now a pebble. A pebble that has been tossed into the river. A pebble tossed into a river will sink. Imagine you are this pebble and you now float to the bottom of the river. You are completely free. You have nothing to tie you down. You are free to float to the bottom. You may move some with the current. But otherwise you are completely at rest on the river bed. The river water washes over you. As it does, your rough edges become smooth.

 Life is a river.

So it goes as it goes as the river flows.

Remember that a key element of mindfulness is to be in the present. I know that for some of you to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes sounds like an eternity. So many are so used to multi tasking that doing nothing is foreign. But really, it is only 20 minutes. And we need to stop slipping into the future. If you can’t enjoy the present, life is like a river. And it, life, will flow right by you. You lose your future when it becomes your present. 

Renewal

The more you practice the easier it becomes. The more you practice the more restful you will become. You will become renewed in spirit. This renewal will bring peace and joy that will fill more and more of your life.

Make it an event. It can be a very special time to spend with those you love. If you are in a relationship, this can be a very uniting experience. Sit down with some soft music. Perhaps have candles going or a fire if the weather is right for a fire. Perhaps you can sit outside. You and another or you and others can enjoy this peaceful time together. If you want, you can hold hands, and get the energy flowing from one to another. If you do, it is important to hold hands properly.

Energy comes in your left hand and out your right. So you want to have your left hand up and your right hand down. Remember it this way: If it were left up to me, we would get right down to it.

On this same note, cat’s energy goes the other way around. So, petting a cat is very calming energy. You might say it is purrfect to pet a cat.

OK. Let me know how you are doing. www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Yeah!

Mona Lisa smile for me.

Lisa Y coaching

Three types of friends

Hey~

How are you?

I would like to talk to you about friends. I think there are three types of friends. Friends are so important. Without good friends, what would life be anyway? It would be a sad and lonely place.

I am writing this because I know some people really don’t have any friends. I also know that some people want to be better friends.

One of my main goals is to build up people. Life brings people down, I want to build them back up, and I think either by being a friend to the friendless or helping people to be a better friend to those in need will do that. 

Friend type 1

These are really not friends at all. These are people you know. They are people you care about. But they are not the people you will do much of anything with or for them. They are really under the category of associate. There is nothing wrong with this sort of relationship. These may be neighbors or coworkers. I mention them because you probably have people like this in your life, and I don’t want you to expect too much from them because you can get hurt.

Friend type 2

This is a person who shows a real interest in you. They ask how you are doing, and they mean it. They pat you on the back when you have good news. They say supportive things. They are true to you no matter what. They are with you through good times and bad. They don’t leave you when you get sad. They don’t leave you when you are sick. They give you words of encouragement. And when you are about to do something dumb they stop you.  If you are in a bad situation they say hey get out, and I will help you. This is the person you call in the middle of the night to talk.

Friend type 3

This is the friend type 2 and then some. This is the person you know will be there for you without your asking. They see you need help, and if they can, they will help. If they can’t, they will help you to get the help you need. This is the person you call when you bump your head and say hey I bumped my head. You tell them this because you live alone, and you want someone to check on you in 24 hours to make sure you are OK. This is the person who has a skill to help you do something you find really hard to do. They help just because you are friends. It is easy for you to do it, and you help to keep your friend from struggling. You share their Facebook post because it is important to them. Maybe they are trying to raise money for a cause, maybe they want people to sign a petition for a cause dear to their heart, or maybe it is to help them with their business or hobby. Look, it may not be a post you would normally share, but they are your friend. Don’t be embarrassed to share a post, unless it is really offensive.

Women friends and men friends

I believe in supporting all people equally. I don’t want to tear one group of people down to build up other people. I have noticed in my life that there is a difference in men and their friendships and women and their friendships.

Men tend to stick together better. Or they stick together differently. Men seem to be more supportive. They cheer each other on. They bring their buddy to the top. And when a buddy falls, no man left behind.

Women stick together too. If one woman needs emotional support, she can find girl friends to call and they talk it out. But rarely have I noticed women who really help each other out. Women seem to feel that their opportunities are too limited to share with others. Women talk a lot about helping each other out, but in my experience, I have not seen a lot of that.

I know a woman who just the other day praised this idea of women helping women. She responded to a Facebook page. She was all thumbs up. But she does not practice it. She is a type 2. She is a very good friend. She is very good at seeing a need, but actions are limited. I tell you what, I will have her be a 2.5 friend. A 2 and half way to 3.

The point is let us not leave anyone, man or woman, behind. This is a world of opportunity. There is plenty for all if you look around. Build people up when life drags them down. Make like an opera singer, end with a high note!

Lisa Y coaching your type 1 2 and 3 friend

As a life coach, I am all three friend types.

If all you want is a type 1, the associate, I can be that. I can be someone you touch base with from time to time. If you want to tell someone something in a quick Facebook message. I am your type 1 friend. I will wish you a happy birthday. I will wish you good luck on that job interview. I will say congrats when you lost a few pounds. Got the idea?

If you want a type 2 friend, I can be that. You want to transform  your life. You want someone to listen even when you are sad, angry or glad. I will be there for you. If you want to confess something, I am there for you. I am surprisingly understanding. I won’t judge. Who am I to judge?

If you want a type 3 friend, I can be that. You bumped your head. Need a shout out. Let me know.

The point is never be alone. OK.

If you need a friend, www.facebook.com/liaylifecoach is a great way to reach me.

OK. Smile for me!

Yeah!

Lisa Y coaching

mindfulness lesson 10

Hello you wonderfully mindful people.

meditation day

It used to be that Sunday was a day of rest. When I went to college, many students did not study on Sundays except maybe during finals week. Why? Because they valued a day of rest. They respected a day to just enjoy family and friends.  I want to suggest that we get back to that. It does not have to be Sundays, but take one day to just enjoy the day. Find a day to live in peace and harmony with the world.

On this day you will put your computer away. You will put your phone away. You will turn off all the noise. For a real challenge make it a day you don’t even speak. Just have a day of mindfulness.

Your day

This is your day. Remember the smile I told you to have? On your mindfulness day, that little smile you make to yourself, makes the day even better. Think about Mona Lisa. Got it? Good.

Before you get up practice your breathing. While doing your daily ablutions, be aware of every step you take. Don’t act the zombie. Don’t just go through the motions. Perhaps you may pretend that you are learning to do things for the very first time. You are learning to brush your hair for the first time. You are getting dressed for the very first time. Imagine that you learned how to do this by observing others.

You are not taking a day of doing nothing unless that is what you want. No, this is about going on with your normal routine, but in a very calm and peaceful and quiet way. You want to be one with every task that you do. At that moment, no matter what it is you are doing, it is the most important thing to do. You are the head duster, vacuum operator,  dish washer in the entire land. Make it fun!

The moment

Remember to live in the moment. Don’t think about the 9 other tasks you have to do that day. Do each one as if it were the only thing you have to do that day. Don’t slip into the future. It comes soon enough.

Be a bud quietly sitting in the hedge.

Be a smile one part of wondrous existence.

Stand here. There is no need to depart.

This homeland is a beautiful as the homeland of our childhood.

Do not harm it, please continue to sing…

(Butterfly Over the Field of Golden Mustard Flowers)

Your Week

As you practice this day of meditation, you will see a difference in your entire week. You will become more and more relaxed. Your peacefulness will spread into the rest of the week. Think of it as a ripple in a pond. The ripple starts on say Sunday. It ripples into Monday. Monday ripples into Tuesday and so forth. More and more your mindfulness will grow.

Tell me how your day went. 

I would love to hear from you. www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Lisa Y coaching

No Global Record Heat in San Diego

Hey~

NOT the hottest on record in San Diego

In the news today is the story that this last summer was the hottest on record. That just is simply NOT true for the city of San Diego. If not here then how can it be everywhere?

I have had my doubts about global warming. So, I have been keeping a daily log of the record highs at San Diego airport. My theory was that if global warming were true the record temperatures would be in the last few years.

Since the story today had to do with the summer here is what was true for San Diego for the months of June, July and August.

years 1877-1899 15 record high days     years 1900-1936 8 record high days     years 1936-1951 1 record high day     years 1952-1967 11 record high days     years 1968-1983 25 record high days     years 1984-1999 20 record high days years 2000-2015 11 record high days. This is for 138 years, only 11 record high days.

As you can see the record high days have been spread out over time. If global warming were true, and if this last year were the record high temperatures of all time, this would not be the results. If global warming were true, every day this year it would say the record was set in 2016. And they aren’t. For the summer months, the most recent record high was in 2010! And that occurred only once!

Yes, I know this is only the statistics for the city of San Diego. But if global warming were global, wouldn’t this be true for the city of San Diego? I am no scientist, but logically, yes! Logically, San Diego should have had record high temperatures this year.

Climate change

I will admit there has been a lot of extreme weather. The climate is changing. But I still believe that it is a natural thing. You can’t blame record temperatures back in the 1800s on car emissions. Look at the figures. In the years from 1877-1900 there were 15 record high temperatures. That is more than from 2000-2015.

But I think that global warming or climate change is not man made. We may contribute to it, but once again, you can’t blame record temperatures on cars, and planes before they even existed.

The environment

Before you accuse me of not caring about the environment, I want it clear that I am a very strong advocate for taking care of the environment. I believe in saving the forests. I believe in having the rivers and lakes be clean. I believe in clean air.

Don’t blindly believe the news reports

It is well known that the media slants the news. The media has an agenda. The stories they present and how they present them is to build a common thought. The media tries to stir up fear.

You can create a story based on statistics. Every issue has two sides of statistics. Consider the Bermuda Triangle. There is just as much evidence it is a mysterious place as it is just a big area of water. You believe what suits your beliefs.

There may be some evidence of warmer temperatures this last summer. But just look at my figures. These are official records. They tell a different story.

Yeah!

Smile for me.

Lisa Y coaching