Hey~
Just a quick post for now.
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.
Loneliness hurts.
Rejection hurts.
Losing someone hurts.
Envy hurts.
Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.
Love is the only thing that does not hurt.
May you feel loved every day.
Lisa Y. coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Hey~
So, it is time to get back to the routine. A strange feeling, isn’t it? There was all that build up, and now it is over.
I was thinking this morning about how some people don’t feel like getting together with others over the holidays. They may not go to Thanksgiving dinner. They may not go to Christmas dinner. They may not go to a New Year’s party.
One reason may be that they physically do not feel good enough to go. That may disappoint some people, but they are understanding. “Well, they don’t feel up to it.” They are forgiving.
Another reason may be that they have mental illness or a mental condition that keep them from socializing. But with them, these same people gt upset with them. They think they need to “get over it” and be part of the celebration. They are not forgiving. But, if you know someone like that, be forgiving. They really can’t help it.
Remember, everyone does the best they can.
“Alice”
She was invited to be with her sister’s in laws for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But Sally did not want to go. She mentally did not feel up to it. Her sister is neither understanding nor forgiving. She does not understand that mental conditions can be as limiting as physical. Now her sister is being rude. Her sister does not want to talk to her much. So we have some mending to do.
Why did Alice not want to go?
Alice is very sensitive.
She is socially awkward. She is not comfortable around most anyone.
Alice dreaded the idea of driving somewhere unfamiliar especially if it meant driving home in the dark. Alice would have been preoccupied with this the whole time. It is hard to have fun if you are thinking about getting home without getting lost. So, that would be a preoccupation.
She is not working right now. So she dreaded the questions about her employment status.
And as for Christmas there is the whole gift exchange issues. She does not want to receive gifts. Because if she does not like the gift then she has to pretend she does. That is hard for Alice. Then she has to buy gifts for her sister and brother in law. She does not like to shop. So, she would have to shop which is stressful. Then, it would be stressful to have them open the gifts. She thinks they won’t like the gifts and she would feel stupid with the gifts she purchased. Then she would think that if they like the gifts, they would just be pretending to like them.
All of this because she is so sensitive. To be at peace, the answer for Alice was to stay home. She knew that her sister would be disappointed, but understanding as Alice explained how she felt.
But her sister is not understanding. Now, I don’t want to make the sister look bad. Her reaction is actually quite normal. Because she, like most, is not truly understanding about the limitations these sort of mental conditions. She took Alice not going to the family gatherings as personal. “You don’t want to be with me, us, for the holidays.”
Be forgiving and understanding
If you encounter a person like Alice, I urge you to be patient. This is a mental condition. It can’t be “healed”, but it can be helped. But when they are at a low point, they are just as limited in their actions as someone might be with back pain, or foot pain, or migraine headaches or any number of physical ailment.
Hope
Alice is not without hope. She can work on these things. Understand why you are the way you are is the first step. And Alice understands her condition now. It isn’t what she thought it was. She also knows she is not alone. Lots of other people feel the same way. Alice has joined a support group for starters.
She also understands she has limitations. We all do. We all do the best we can. Alice will be getting some “tools” to use to help her not feel so bad. She will never be the social butterfly her sister and brother in law are, but she has room for improvement.
Understand we all do our best was also a big relief.
Yeah!
Lisa Y coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Happy New Year!!!
So, it’s resolution time.
There is a simple approach to meeting these resolutions.
Step 1: What do you want?
It is not to lose weight. It is not to exercise more. It is not to fall in love. It is not to have a better job. It is not anything else you may list.
These things are the vehicles to getting what you really want.
So, what do you want? What motivates you? Well, I don’t specifically know without talking to you. But I can tell you it is one of 4 survival needs.
Step 2: Make a plan.
This is finding a way to meet your goal on a higher level. If, for example, your vehicle right now is being over weight, and you want to change your vehicle to losing weight, then you make that plan on how to do that.
Part of the solution is to understanding your need. This gives you the motivation you need to change habits and break the “addiction” (bad habits) you have.
Step 3: Break big goal into smaller goals.
Let us use losing weight as a goal. Let us use 20 pounds as the magic number. Don’t start the year off thinking I want to lose 20 pounds by the end of May. OK so that is 20 pounds in 5 months. That is a goal that is not unreasonable if you break it down over 5 months, but if you think about it as 20 pounds it may be discouraging.
Break any resolution into smaller goals. Start with just 2 or 3 pounds. As you meet your goal, say “another 2 or 3 pounds” And before you know it, you will meet your goal.
Rule of thumb: Break the goal into 10 parts. So, for the losing 20 pound plan, break that 20 pounds into 2 pounds.
One day at a time: Live in the moment. Don’t think I have to do this the next 365 days. That can be discouraging. Instead, say “Today I will eat less.” or “Today I will go to the gym.” Or “Today I will ______”. Then tomorrow repeat.
Smaller goals and meeting that goal one day at a time, make the goal more manageable. And you build momentum. You feel accomplished, unstoppable.
Slip up?
OK. Look, you may very well be changing a habit you have had for years. Just remind yourself what it is you want. What motivates you. And you will be motivated to work toward that goal today.
HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR!
Lisa Y coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
A Letter to the Wounded
For most of us there will times in our lives that are difficult or hurtful in some way.
We may, for instance, have lost a loved one, be diagnosed with a serious illness, be painfully lonely and lost.
Our reactions to these events will to some extent be dependent on our individual strengths and resources.
Many people will become somewhat depressed / anxious due to the radical change in their circumstances. It is not unusual to have this adjustment reaction.
However, for many it can be severe and prolonged causing intense emotional pain and giving rise to physical and psychological symptoms.
We can become trapped in our own mental prison, in a constant cycle of negative and self depreciative thoughts which self perpetuate.
This mindset can colour all that we perceive around us.
We can feel helpless, weak and vulnerable to any intrusion from the outside world which is why many hide themselves away, both physically and emotionally.
The future may seem bleak and intimidating , the present moment may be filled with fear and dread.
At our lowest ebb, it seems life becomes a living, dark nightmare from which escape is impossible.
We lose perspective and forget what life can hold for us
Did you forget the radiant sunrise at the dawn of the day?
Did you forget the gleeful looks of your loved ones when you entered the room?
Did you forget the powerful roar of ocean waves as they are thrown ashore?
Did you forget Nature’s seasonal masterpieces?
The crystal like frost of Winter,
The gentle awakening and resurrection of the flora and fauna in Springtime.
The warm Summer sun giving rise to the fruition of Gaia herself as she manifests at her zenith.
The subtle encroachment of Autumn as the leaves colours become almost iridescent and the cool, damp chill of the morning air.
No matter how wounded we are we can still experience the wonders of our world.
We can still get excited about an impending celebration.
We can still stare in awe at the Moon in the pitch black night sky.
We can still cherish the love of other humans and animals.
We can still discover new and life changing experiences providing we are open to them.
By their very nature wounds heal.
It may take time depending on the severity but it will.
The deeper wounds may leave scars.
Scarred skin is more resilient and tougher than skin that has not been wounded.
So if you are sitting there in your darkest night of your soul, unable to see the way forward.
Rest assured that if you have patience and give yourself the opportunity, this time will pass.
You will learn from this experience as your life begins to improve.
For if ever it happens again, you will know that you can again triumph and win your life back.
Lisa Y coaching, www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Merry Christmas!
This is a time of year where more than one religion celebrates life. We celebrate peace, love, and good will toward all. Today is a day that I am over come with the desire to wave at the cars and the people going by my house. I want to see children playing with new toys, bicycles and scooters.
My question is why does it have to end?
A Christmas Carol stopped the war for one night.
You may be familiar with the story of how during the World War I on Christmas Eve, the Christmas carol “Silent Night” stopped the fighting. Soldiers from both sides sat together. The ate together. They drank together. They sang “Silent Night” in both English and German. Then the next day, back to fighting.
OK so, I can understand that. They had a job to do. Being soldiers, they had to fight the enemy.
But what is our excuse?
Peace 365
Why can’t we be peaceful every day? Why do we, like the soldiers on that cold Christmas Eve back in 1914, feel peace in our hearts for a short time then go back to fighting? Frankly, some people just don’t want peace I guess. But that does not have to stop the rest of us.
What changes?
Why do we have so much love this month and it fades away. Now, don’t get me wrong. It does not disappear completely. We still care about others the rest of the year, but it is not the same, is it?
To me, it should me easier the rest of the year because we are not running around in so many directions. We are not getting pushed and shoved around at the mall. We are not wrapping gifts. We are not planning special dinners.
One day at a time
Here is my idea. Let us each morning get up and say to ourselves, “I will live today as if it were Christmas, Hanukkah or any other day of peace.”
Let us try to keep the peace going. Let us not be like those soldiers all those years ago. Let us not have one big day of peace and then back to fighting.
Yes! This is a bit corny. But hey, it’s Christmas.
Peace.
Lisa Y. coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Hey~
Well, the holiday season is moving along. It is a time of year when we get out of our normal routines. We don’t get to the gym as much. We shop more. We have gifts to wrap. Some have lights to hang and trees to trim. And if you live where there is snow, there are snow angels and snow men or women to make. If you are creative, there may be some ginger bread houses to build. It is also the time for holiday baking.
Holiday foods.
Aside from fruit cakes, there are all sorts of cookies, pies, fudge and other treats. We have chips and dip. Now today I saw an article about how you can eat more healthy snacks with your dip. Look, I love vegetables with dip. I also love chips with dip. I say, if you want to go a little crazy and have chips with your dip go for it! Come on, it is the holiday season. I think it is the time of year when you go off your regular food.
Change in routine includes food.
You go off your normal routine. You go off your normal eating habits. The holiday eating habits should probably not be followed all year. But, it is a time of year when we treat ourselves a little. Yes, you may feel a bit bad when you get on the scale on January 2nd, but it isn’t something you can’t deal with, right?
Allow yourself to eat a little naughty. Give yourself permission. You have 6 months until summer. If you gain 10 pounds in November and December, you have 150 days to lose that. That’s nothing. When you get back normal eating and back to the gym, you could lose all that weight in January. Don’t worry.
So, go a little crazy, and have those chips with the dip.
Yeah!
OK I have taken enough of your time. Talk to you soon.
Lisa Y life coach.
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
From the Creator:
Yes, my child I am the universe, the plants, the trees, the air and the wind. I am also you my child. If you believe, as you do, that I hold the power to create life, and all that is, then why my child would you not believe you hold the same strength within you?
I made you. I built you…..every fiber of your being I know…every hair on your head I have counted….every breath you take I know and feel.
And when the time comes that the physical human body you have been traveling in on the earth plane no longer serves you, I will also know and feel when it passes. And with great joy, welcome your spirit back to become one with me again and again.
You see my child I am know of all that exists. I indeed know when you are feeling unworthy of the very greatness that you were created with. If you believe that I have built this magnificent machine from the blood, cells, bones, skin and stand in awe of how it works. Then why may I ask do you not believe you are capable of greatness?
I am greatness….yet you are not I ask?
How can that be?
We. You and I are two halves of a whole. How can half of the whole not be as worthy, beautiful, smart and powerful as the other half?
Why do you deny me?
The Creator of all that is to be left here as a half.
Why do you insist on carrying your burdens on your own? It is as if you are the car and I am the motor, the car does not run or move forward without a motor, correct? I see you get out and try pushing the car and it rolls a while and you quickly get in the driver seat only to come to a slow halt….again.
You sit the bewildered as you observe cars of all shapes and sizes whizzing past you honking and waving as they pass by.
WHAT? Whhhhhaaaaaatttttt……
You get out of you jalopy and try changing the tires. You only have 3 tires. Oh well, you think, 3 is better than the ones that are on the ole girl now as you again try to pull onto the highway. Only to realize the tire you did no replace is now flat.
You hang your head to cry as you just give up and lie down in the front seat of the car.
Why my child? Why?
I am right here.
I am not the “tow” truck….I am the engine of your car. I am “your” energy.
I AM YOU!
Why do you insist on driving a jalopy when I have a private jet waiting on you, all fueled up ready to take you anywhere your heart desire.
Ha..ah!
There is the answer!
Your heart!
Have you checked it recently? Go ahead. Put your hand on your heart. I will wait.
No really. Do it. Feel it. Listen to it with your hand. Listen very close. Breathe deep and listen a little longer.
Go into your mind as you are listening to your heart. I’ll bet you are being shown a happy time in your life, of you playing as a child, with a favorite dog, or a blissful time on the back of a horse.
Remember?
Yes. You remember.
The joy.
Your heart….
This….beautiful hearts desire.
This my child is the very thing that brings you back to the whole. “We” are no longer two halves now.
Stop.
Wipe the tears away.
And, feel it again.
This is where I am….in the heart. I am the engine of your car, just as your car will not run without an engine. You my child can not run without your heart. You are a God’s spark….the universal energy.
Look around. I did not create the person next to you any differently than you. Think about it. No….really think about it.
You are all energy. You are created from source energy.
What is no longer serving you today…..
Let go of it.
“It” is just a story….that’s all….just a story.
Put you hand on your heart again and listen. Let the sound of your heart fill your entire being.
Sit in its strength….and gather my power that is YOU!
All is well. Go in peace.
Lisa Y coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Greetings~
I hope all is well with you today.
Seniors and the very sick
So, when people are either seniors, very sick or both, we tend to have more compassion and patience. We are gentle with them physically and emotionally. We want to cradle their heads in our hands. We pat them on the back and stroke their shoulder. We talk nicely and gently. We have a gentle smile on our face. We want to do nice things for them. We want to grant them a wish. We want to give them happiness even if only for awhile.
We give them more time to cross the street. We give them more time to pay at the check out line. We pick up the item they dropped. We hold the door open longer so they can get through.
Why are we this way with them? Well, we see a gentle person who at the very least does not feel 100%. There are the common aches and pains of being a senior. And the very sick, well, they may be in considerable pain. They may have to endure medical treatments and therapy which drain their energy. So. we are compassionate. We are reminded about how precious life is, and we don’t want to waste it. We know that we too will be a senior and or very sick. We treat them the way we would like to be treated.
Adults 18-65 and the healthy
So, this is the rest of us. And how do we treat each other? Well, sometimes we treat each other very well. But, we are busy. We are tired. We have things to take care of. We don’t see the fragility of life when we are with people under a certain age or who are at least outwardly healthy. So, we sort of let others “fend” for them selves.
We don’t see that need for that gentle touch. We don’t see the need for that special care and patience. But I disagree.
Most anyone at any given moment could use that same compassion. You never know when someone could use a hug. Could use a pat on the back or a stroke on the shoulder. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that you go up to strangers and give them a hug or a pat on the back. That would be strange. But what I am saying is that you look to people, all people with the same compassion and love as you do the seniors and the very sick.
Smile a compassionate smile rather than a condescending smile. I see those all the time. Don’t be impatient. Be gentle. Be kind. Treat them as if there is no tomorrow. Do little things. If someone is trying to load heavy things in the back of a truck or van and they are alone, offer help. If they drop something and have their hands full, jump in an pick it up. And if they look sad, tell them, “take care”.
My mom
My mom had a bad stroke. She, at times, had to be in nursing homes for medical care I could not give. I visited her every day when she was not at home. It tore me up. I wanted to see her, but leaving was so hard. I knew how much she needed my company. In those last 13 months, I was very gentle. I treated her like a delicate china doll. Those last months I wanted so much to make her days as good as possible. In the end, a bowl of a favorite flavor of ice cream was something for which she was grateful.
My mom and I had a very good relationship before her stroke. But our bond grew even stronger those last months. My love for her grew because of my intense desire to make her last days as happy and filled with as much love as a person can generate.
If we all did this, had compassion and patience for all, what a nice place it would be.
Wishing you a very nice day.
And as a reminder, the holiday season is either a very happy time or a very sad and lonely time. Two thoughts: One, if you know someone who will be alone, for what ever reason, and if you are having a nice family gathering, if you can, offer this person a seat at your table or even just time in your home for coffee, hot chocolate or hot cider and dessert or something. A little time to hang out with a family can make the world of difference. And if they turn you down, frankly, the invitation itself could make the difference. Two, since I care so much for the sad and lonely people, I am available if you would like to talk. If you need a friend, you know where to find me.
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Take Care!
Lisa Y life coach
Hey~
Quick thought here.
Everyone is doing their best.
This month in a coaching session, “everyone is doing their best” was said. And the person who heard it, well, everything changed. The person being coached felt a big relief. Why? Because this person is easily disappointed in others. And hearing this, which she already knew, made a whole lot of difference. She is not as easily disappointed. It was like a burden had been lifted. She no longer has to be burdened with the disappointment of others not being as considerate as she would be. And I think she learned that she was expecting a bit too much of herself, and could be less harsh on herself.
I hope that makes sense. And I hope it helps.
Lisa Y coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Happy Holidays
P.S. I am available on Christmas if you have the holiday blues.
Hello~
Charmed
It seems that some people always win. It seems that some people never have hardships. It seems that for some people things always work out without much effort or emotional pain.
These are the people who really can’t listen to people complain. They will say things like “suck it up”, “relax”, “that’s life”. They don’t understand the struggle other people go through. They do not understand that for some people life can be really hard.
Win all the time is what they do. They think it is natural. Not only do they win all the time, they think it is natural and normal. Doesn’t everyone?
Lose to understand winning
How can someone understand winning unless they lose? If you never lose, you can’t understand what winning is all about. If you never have to overcome, you don’t understand what an accomplishment it is.
Battle of the bulge
When I was 16, 17 years old, I worked in my dad’s weight loss clinic. I could not understand the need to go to a weight loss clinic. Why can’t they just lose weight on their own?, I would wonder. Unless you have struggled to lose weight, you don’t understand how hard it can be. I have a nephew who said it was easy. Just eat less than you burn was his “wisdom”. Yes, it comes down to that, but it is more complicated than that. And when you are a menopausal woman, it is hard. Now, I understand the people who came into the weight loss clinic.
Getting a job
A few years ago when unemployment was high, some people were unemployed for over a year. President Obama put on the pressure to extend unemployment benefits to help people out.
Someone I knew had a job, moved out of state, and within 2 weeks had a brand new job. So, I said something about it to a mutual friend. I said something like “wow, she got a job already.” This other person said, “It’s easy getting a job.” I did not even know what to say. If it were so easy to get a job, why were so many in need?
I have a nephew who can get a job really easily. Getting work for him is easy. Getting work for the women above is easy. For me, it has always been a struggle.
The point is for the other people in this example, they don’t understand what it is to “lose” at the “get a job game”. They have no idea how hard it can be.
Never know how sick you are until feel better
When I was in college, a man I met had kidney disease. He went to dialysis. Then, he got a transplant. He felt great! This is what he said to me, “You never know how sick you are until you feel better.” That statement has stayed with me since about 1981 or 1982.
So again, you can’t really understand winning until you have lost.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. I am not perfect. I am not “charmed”. I know what it is to lose. I know what it is to win. I understand the exhilaration one has once you overcome obstacles.
I understand what it is to feel bad. I understand how it feels to beat “the blues”. I understand what it feels like to have that dark cloud lifted.
Power in complaining
I can relate to more than you can imagine. As someone who is not “charmed”, I can and do listen really well. I can listen to complaining. And a little secret, once you get your complaining out, you feel powerful.
The other day, in session, someone said, “I am in despair.” And in that moment, there was instant relief. The energy it takes to keep your “negative” feelings in is released when you express it. At the moment she uttered those words, that draining energy was released, and she found the energy to focus the energy in a different direction…toward making things better, to healing.
OK friends, I hope this gives you inspiration.
If you need someone to complain to, someone who understands what it is to lose then win, you know where to find me.
Yeah!
Lisa Y life coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
