I am a very passionate person. (That’s why I am a coach)
Something that really stirs me up is people who are not considerate of others. It happens a lot more than most people realize.
What really gets to me is bullying. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.
Most people think of the school yard bullies. These are the bullies whose main tactic is to use physical force to get others to give them things or do things for them. Their demands range from lunch money to homework.
Then there is the child, or the adult, who has a tantrum either at home or in public. They want something and are being denied or have to wait for what it is they want. For a child this may be an ice cream cone or candy bar. For an adult this may be service at a business or a parking space.
There is the work place bully or bullies. You know the type. They intimidate others to make them feel so uncomfortable that they will leave their job. Why do they do that? Well, they don’t like diversity, and the person being bullied to leave is different somehow. Instead of finding a way to get along, they get rid of the one who is not like the others.
The list goes on.
I have noticed a lot in the last year or so the increase in bully activity that seems to go unnoticed. Here is a definition:
The use of force, threat, or coercion to dominate others. This can be someone with anorexia. Someone with anorexia will use food as a tool to get their way. I knew a woman who did anorexia to get what she wanted. Her parents would have offered her anything to get her to eat. This a type of bully.
It can be an alcoholic or drug user. How many people will do anything to get someone to get help to stop using a controlled substance? This drug user is a bully. They use the “promise” to stop if they get their “target” to give them money for the drug of choice they need now until they stop.
To me the worst type of bully who is well disguised. They seem like good, loving and caring people. They are the ones who stand up for the injustices of the world. This group includes, but is not limited to, some religious leaders, some politicians, some social media stars, or some heads of a large corporation. They are popular. People like them. They are charismatic. They may use their popularity to incite others. They portray themselves as one of the good guys (or gals). They convince those who admire them that they promote positive change. And, I think most of them really do have that intention. They do want to make this a better place. But they use bully tactics to get their way.
But anyone who will use intimidation in any form is a bully. Anyone who disrupts a school, work place, public place is a bully. Anyone who disrupts the peace is a bully. Anyone who discriminates is a bully. This is as simple as name calling, playing loud music, or as violent as starting fires, stealing or bombs and everything in between.
Bullies main thought: if you don’t side with us unequivocally, you’re not worthy of consideration or conversation.
This all makes me so unhappy. I can’t stand all this negativity. It has to stop.
What to do?
We need to stand up to all bullies. Just as you ignore a child having a tantrum, we need to ignore the bully tactics. Turn your back on them until they stop their intimidation.
Don’t give in even to those who use food as a tool to getting what they want. Don’t give in to those who use the promise of rehab as a tool. Don’t give in to any violence as a tool. Don’t let law breaking be a tool. Don’t give in to anything.
Then, after their negative tactics do not work, work together in positive goals. Find mutually shared interests and benefits that can be worked on together.
This all goes back to motivation, one of the 4 survival needs we have. Once we can find the motivation of the bullies, we can meet their needs on a higher level.
Believe it or not, once a bully understands what motivates them, they will be excited to understand. Once you can show them there are alternate, peaceful methods to getting what they want, they will be eager to change. I know. It is hard to believe, but it is true. Because that is what happens when you understand why you do the things you do. But, it is important to get the bullies away from other bullies. They need to be around people with positive methods.
Funny isn’t it that bully once meant a fine fellow or friend or even a sweat heart or darling. Where did it all go wrong?
Have a great day!
Lisa Y life coach
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
