Category: Uncategorized

It’s OK to want what you want

As long as you don’t want something that harms other people or something illegal, it is OK to want what you want.

Sometimes people seem to think they don’t deserve to have the life of their dreams. It just wouldn’t be fair. I have actually thought that.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. What ever it is that gives you pleasure it is OK. You don’t need to have other people understand. You don’t need other people to approve. What you need is to enjoy life just the way you want it.

So, if you have a dream, live it to the best of your abilities. If you want to be a rich and famous actor or professional athlete, that may be stretching it a bit far. But if you can do some sort of acting or play sports, then do that. Enjoy that. If you want to be a singer, do that. You may not produce records or get paying jobs, but you can find some way to sing and get pleasure from it even if it is at a talent show.

I really don’t understand so many people ask is it OK if I…? People get so caught up in etiquette. They don’t know if what they want to do is “proper”. Is it going to hurt someone else? If not, it is OK. Will it make someone else feel better? If so, it is OK.

Give yourself permission to live the life you want. To have or not have what you want in your life. When you do, you will pinch yourself just to make sure you are not sleeping and having a really good dream.

I think if it is in your heart, you have good intentions, you really can’t go wrong. But if you think what you want to do is questionable, ask. We all have that cool friend who really knows if something would be inappropriate or not. Ask that person. If you don’t want to ask someone you know, you know where to find me.

Coach

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How to overcome fear.

How do you overcome fear? 

Well, to start you have to understand fear. Fear is uncertainty. There are four survival needs and uncertainty is one. The opposite survival need is certainty.

When you have a fear, you are uncertain about what to expect. You feel out of control. Take riding roller coasters for example. I am not a fan. Why? Because I have no control.

When we have a fear, we don’t know what will happen. We think bad things will happen. We want someone to tell us that with 100% certainty we can do this thing and we will be perfectly safe and nothing will go wrong. That would be nice, would it not? But you may be aware by now that life is not like that. Life is full of uncertainty. As the saying goes, the only sure things in life are death and taxes. Ugh! Let’s get off that depressing thought.

Fear is uncertainty and certainty out of balance. How do you gain more certainty? Well, you can’t gain control, right? No. You can’t control heights. You can’t control an airplane unless you are a pilot. You can’t control darkness or whatever it is you fear.

What do you want to change? 

No one wants to overcome a fear. I repeat, no one wants to overcome fear. 

What you want is to change certainty. You need more of it. For once you gain certainty, your fear will fade and you will have confidence to face it.

So, the first question you have to ask is: How are you currently meeting your need for certainty by not changing? Well, by not facing your fear you give yourself the security of not facing the fear. You stay in your comfort zone to enjoy the pleasure of safety and to avoid the pain of uncertainty.

Are you certain you can’t overcome the fear? You may be using this reasoning to not try to overcome the fear. I know I can’t so why bother.

But now, you want to overcome that fear. It isn’t working for you anymore.

 

Next questions:

What will you lose if you don’t change? How will that feel?

What will you gain if you do change? How will that feel?

Who will you become if you do or do not change? How will that feel?

What has to happen for you to get what you want and need? What actions can you take to make this change?

It is a habit. 

Everything we do is a habit. You created this habit of avoiding this fear. You made the habit. You can break the habit, and create a new one.

Permission to change

It is important to give yourself permission to change. You have had this habit for a long time. Your subconscious wants to give you what you want. And your subconscious has built this habit to avoid the uncertainty. So. you need to tell the subconscious it is OK to change. This is not vital, but it is helpful. Using hypnosis can be a valuable tool.

Last questions:

Who can keep you accountable for this change? Who is in your life that already gets these results?

Find a supportive friend or friends to help you to meet your certainty need on a higher level.

I hope this helps.

Coach

Let me know how you are doing.

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Play like you have already won

PLAY LIKE YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. Ever notice how when you know you have won you relax and actually do really well because you are relaxed. So, what ever it is you want to accomplish, imagine you have already won, relax and you will do very well.

Coach

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What is love?

What is love? 

Love is compassion. Love is kindness.

Love is holding a hand when it is cold.

Love is holding a hand to  take on the pain of another and help them get through.

Love is helping another to face the world again.

Love is giving the strength to another to  get up on their feet and try again.

Love is wiping a tear.
Love is clearing a confused mind.
Love is buying back the soul that was sold out of desperation.

Love is helping someone find their way when they are lost.
Love is giving  hope when hope has come to an end.

Love is giving someone dignity.
Love is giving meaning to another life.

Love is calling someone friend.

Love is needing another.
Love is putting another high upon a pedestal
Love is lifting someone up so they can see heaven.

Love is being glad for another and sharing in their joy.

Love is turning someone’s lies about their self and help them to see their truth, beauty, and goodness.

Love is making another think is this real? Is this true?

Love is unconditional. Love is looking past flaws.
Love is being there and never leaving.

Love, Coach

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What ace are you hiding?

No one knows you better than you. But, we are not always honest with ourselves. We are not always honest with our true capabilities. We down play our assets. We sometimes give a little effort. Then when we do not get results we give up.

Or we let fear of success or failure take over and we choose to not work toward a certain goal. We are meeting one of our 4 survival skills and we are comfortable how we are doing it. It may not be the best way to meet that goal, but as long as we are meeting that need, we are satisfied. When we are not meeting that need, then we change what we have to in order to be fulfilled.

We simply hold back. Sometimes we like to keep something secret. You don’t want anyone to know you have the four aces, right? Or maybe you have an ace up your sleeve, and you don’t want to bring it into play prematurely.

But what if you took that ace out of your sleeve and played it? What if it meant opening up a whole bunch of possibilities for change and improvement in your life? Would you do it?

People hold that ace for when they really need it. But when is that?

I think what stops a lot of people from acting is the fear of looking foolish. You want to do something different. What will others think? Who cares? Necessity is the mother of invention. Necessity is also the mother of change.  If you want to meet some need on a higher level, it is time to play that ace. And when you do smile and nod, “Yes, I had an ace.” Think how fun that will feel.

Amaze your family and friends.

So, What are you pretending not to know? What are you pretending you are not capable of doing?

Open the doors of possibilities. Enjoy!

Coach

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Who are you?

Who are you?

Beyond your name, beyond your family relations, beyond your job, who are you? What makes you you?

What are your values?

What are your motivators?

What are your passions?

What are your hopes and dreams?

Are you loving and kind?

Do you stop to help someone in need?

What makes you laugh? Cry?

What makes you special?

What makes you just like everyone else?

What makes you judge you?

Are you a saver? Spender?

Are you a follower? Leader?

Are you a doer?

Are you lazy? Procrastinator?

Ambitious?

Who are you? Do you know?

Just a few things to ponder.

Coach

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Human touch

Touch, is one of the most vital things in life. It is not only vital for people but also for animals. We all need it. Wild animals touch one another to comfort or to show love. Domesticated animals do it to one another and also need it from their humans. And people need it.

I know a single woman who lives alone. She has few friends. She has two dogs. And the hugs she gives her dogs are vital to her mental well being. If she did not have the dogs, I don’t know what  she would do to get this most vital thing.

After my mom had a stroke, one of the most important things she needed was my touch. She craved the touch of my hands on her face. I loved it as well. The pleasure I knew that it gave her was mine every time I placed my hands on her face.

How often do you think I wish I had someone to touch me right now? It is soothing. It brings peace. The dog next door to me gets very little attention. When I reach across the front yard fence to touch him, you should see the joy in his face. I like to share a little kiss as well. He looks at me as if I am the greatest person on Earth. It actually reminds me of the feeling I got touching my mom’s face.

If you know some person or pet that does not have a lot of opportunity, if any at all,  for touch please take some time to give that most valuable sensation. You can change a life.

Thank you.

Coach

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Doing Unto Others

 “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

I know when I think that or even say that I do so because I don’t feel I am being treated properly. Someone is not treating me as I would treat them.

But has it ever occurred to you that maybe they are treating you the way they would expect to be treated?

Just because you do not think that someone is treating you properly it does not mean they are rude or inconsiderate.

For example, say you lent some money. And say the person who borrowed the money is making payments. But  the payments were delayed and they are behind. If you had borrowed the money, you would pay extra to catch up the arrears. But the person paying you back does not try to catch up even though you know they can.

Your thoughts may be “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” You think that because you think that catching up on the back payments is what everyone would think is the proper thing to do. (I would agree by the way.) But this person does not think that way. They feel that as long as they are currently making payments it is all good. You are getting your money back and that is the most important thing, right? So, to them, they are doing unto you as they would expect you to do if the roles were reversed.

Different expectations and standards.

People have different expectations and standards. What is acceptable to one is not acceptable to another. We see this everywhere. Just look at reviews of businesses. You can have some people thinking a business is great. Some think it is fair, and others think it is terrible. Go figure.

Anyway, it is important to remember this the next time you think you are not being treated as nicely as you would like. Just because you are not being treated the way you think is appropriate, kind, considerate,  and fair and just consider the other person may have lower standards than you.

If you feel hurt, ask for the opinion of another person or persons. Find out if they think the person is treating you poorly or just not to your standards.

If the consensus is that you are getting bad treatment, then you would be justified to talking to that other person to try to get them to be more considerate.

If the situation is that they are not treating you up to your standards, sorry, but you just have to accept that. It may not be easy, but that is how it is. And you have to let it go. I know. That is easier said than done. If it helps, you, friend, have high standards and are a wonderful person. Not everyone can be as wonderful. If only… right?

So, I hope that helps. Remember other people have different expectations and standards. We all do the best we can.

Coach

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Day 15

Be ready.

Having a very detailed plan is very hard to follow. It is also not flexible. A key to transformation, changing your habit, meeting your need on a higher level is flexibility.

You never know when life will through a curve ball to you. You have to be ready.

There should be a general plan. This should be more of an outline of the plan of action. But make sure you are flexible enough to go with the flow of anything that comes up.

Sometimes you have to let a plan come together its own way. As a friend of mine used to say, When you least expect it, expect it.”

Coach

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Day 14

Hey~

I hope all is well with you.

As you progress to what ever it is you are working on, I want to remind you that every day, every project, has its challenges.

My old business.

I used to own a business. We worked with independent workers and not employees. The government does not like that arrangement so they try to discourage this business model through a lot of regulations. It drove me crazy. I was a member of a coalition of like business owners to keep aware of the laws. One small mistake and you could lose it all.

One day I talked about it with my office manager. She said, “If it were easy, everyone would do it.” That is probably true. It would be a lot more appealing to small businesses to have that business model. For that industry, it is the only way to operate the business otherwise costs would be too high and customers would not pay the fees, and a lot of people would not have work.

The point is that there are challenges. Some things come naturally to others and some have to work harder to do the same thing.

It is hard for me.

Things are hard for me. I am that person who understands the general concept of a thing, but doing it is a whole other thing. I go to workshops. I sit. I listen. I understand. But I walk out at the end of the three days thinking what did I get out of that? I usually feel cheated because someone did not give me their magic wand so I can make all my dreams come true.

Other people walk out with the magic wand. They have it. They have all the guidance and direction they need to make it happen. And I just sit there wondering what is wrong with me.

The last one I went to on the third day I sat next to someone new. We chatted. She had the magic wand. As we chatted, I expressed that I had gotten nothing from the work shop that I could use. She looked at me and said, “We were at the same work shop.” She seemed a little disgusted with my attitude. “I know.” was my response.

The point is that things are hard for me. Everything is a challenge.

Fight through it.

I am great at generating ideas and plans. I can create the step-by-step plan. And  I have to do it that way. I can’t just go to a work shop and start doing the thing. But I push through. So, when I tell you to push through, I am not doing it from the perspective of life is easy and the answers are simple. I am doing it from the perspective that life is challenging.

If this thing that you are trying to accomplish, when you hit a challenge, fight through it. If it worth it to you, if you really want it, you have to fight through it. As you work though the challenge, it will get easier. Why? Because you learn. The more you get involved in something the more you learn the ins and outs. As you push through, you see how all the components fit together.

You really just have to get over that hump.

Coach

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