12 easy tips, tip 7

INTRODUCTION: I have a series of 12 tips for an improved life. These are simple yet make a big impact.

Tip 7:

Find the Meaning in the thing rather than getting through.

The world today is very busy and fast paced. Frankly, I think people rush too much. Most people try to cram too much into the day. When we do this, we lose meaning in what we do.

We are so busy doing what we do, that we hardly know what we are doing. We have not finished one thing and we have, at least in our minds, already moved on to the next item on the list.

To help speed things up, many have become very good at multitasking. Let’s try to do more than one thing at a time while we think of the next thing on the list. Although many people brag about their multitasking skills, more often than not, it really is not a good thing to do. While multitasking, one is normally not doing either activity well. And they are so busy doing two things they really don’t care if it is done well, just get it done.

Slow down.

Yes, you can.

This is what is known as mindfulness. It has to do with being aware. It has to do with paying attention. It has to do with appreciating the moment. It has to do with excellence.

There is a serious lack of people wanting to be excellent anymore. People who love their jobs want to be excellent at their job, but otherwise as long as it gets done, that is all that matters. I am not suggesting that you aim to have everything perfect. But care about what you do. Take time to reflect.

People today say their life has no meaning. It does. You just don’t see it. Rushing through everything you miss it. Those dishes you have to clean well, they were what you used to put the food on the table. That dog mess you have to clean up. That is part of having that wonderful companion you have in your dog if you enjoy your dog’s company. Those clothes you need to launder. They give you style. They help to define you. You get the idea.

Mobile phones are another distraction. For Pete’s sake put them down from time to time. I feel sad being in a restaurant and see a family sitting together only to have their elbows touching because they are watching some video or messaging someone. Stop. Talk to each other. When I am around a good friend or family, I can’t talk enough. I used to be around my mom every day. We never ran out of things to discuss. We enjoyed each other’s company. I miss mom.

On the same note is video games. They are OK. But really, I have seen children cry over the thought of not being able to do that. Where is the meaning in them? They are a distraction from life.

In summary, do one thing at a time. Find the value or meaning in that thing that you are doing. Put down the mobile phones and stop gaming so much. And you will find life has more meaning.

Cheers.

Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change, tip 6

Introduction: I have been sharing 12 easy tips for improvement. These tips are designed to be simple, but make an impact.

Tip 6:

Have your life in order before being critical of others.

It is really interesting to me how we all have the ability to see what is wrong in another person’s life, but cannot see it in our own life. I am guilty of this as much as anyone.

What helps to break us of this is looking in the mirror. I told someone that, and her response was that she did not want to look in the mirror. I get that. It is hard to look at our selves sometimes, and be critical. But it can be very helpful. We are not reflecting on who we are in order to try to be perfect. We are not reflecting on who we are to be hard on our self. We are reflecting on how to be more free. We can reflect then let go of any bad habits we have.

I am just the opposite of a lot of people. I like to look in the mirror. That is, I like to look at my actions. I ask why a lot. I wonder what should I be getting out of this experience? Let me give a few examples.

I have had dogs all my life. They teach so much. My dogs tend to get very excited sometimes when people walk by the house. Now that they are getting older, they don’t run to the fence as they used to do. But there have been times when I say to them, “calm down, you are out of control”. Then I realize, there have been occasions, when someone could say that to me. My initial reaction at times can be to be “out of control” and I need to settle down. I did not see that in me until I reflected on that.

How about another dog example? I have trained my dogs. They know how to properly walk on a leash. But in the beginning, they would pull. They were always in a rush. Lets go! My response to them was “take it easy we’ll get there.” And what was I doing? Rushing. I was always rushing. I was in a hurry to accomplish one thing or another. What did I learn? Slow down. You will get there.

Here is one more example. My cousin had a very messy home. Stuff was piled up everywhere. Food on the counter. Dishes everywhere. She had a newborn. It was no place for a baby. When her neighbor was about to bring home her newborn, what did my cousin do? She went over and cleaned house because that was no place for a baby. My cousin could not see the mess in her own place, but saw the mess next door.

The point is that what often bothers us about others bothers us about us. If you are really bothered about the actions of others, look in the mirror. Reflect on it. What are you seeing in others that you are not seeing in your self. What bothers you the most in others is something you need to change in you.

Remember that no one is perfect. We are all doing the best we can. But until we work out the kinks in our life, we can’t help others with their life.

No one can help others if they can’t take care of their own self. It is only through mastering something yourself can you assist others.

OK. Take care!

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change, tip 5

Introduction: I am doing a series of 12 tips that are easy to do but make a big impact on your life. These simple tips when followed will improve your life.

Tip 5:

You should like your children.

One of the benefits of having a family is you learn what is acceptable and not acceptable in the world. Families will put up with a lot from their family members. With families we learn boundaries. So, if our family thinks it is wrong, the rest of the world probably will also.

There was a time when public opinion mattered. If your behavior or the behavior of your children was obnoxious, and people would comment, it was taken as a sign that that particular behavior was unacceptable. Changes would be made to be polite. Today, if you criticize others, they very well may “give you the finger”, and tell you to mind your own business.

Since the public opinion of behavior is not valued, there is only one way to know when your actions are rude or obnoxious. This is through the response of your family. If your behavior is not acceptable to those who love you the most, it just should not be done.

If we don’t want to be around our own family in public, how do you think other people feel? If you don’t like to be around your children, others probably don’t like being around them either. Now, this could apply to anyone in the family. It could be a spouse who gets loud an obnoxious in public to the point you want to pretend to not know the person. But the point here is to discuss children.

It is the responsibility of the grownups to teach children how to be in public or at home for that matter. Just remember that if you don’t like being around them and you love them, others don’t want to be around them even more. And it is only polite and considerate to have children that are polite and considerate. If they don’t learn this as children, they will grow up to be that obnoxious adult you don’t like to be around.

Why it matters. Being obnoxious in life is filling the need for significance. But this method of feeling significant, makes it harder to fill the need for love and connection with others. Why? Because no one likes being around people who are rude and obnoxious, and that makes it harder to find those who will put up with that behavior. The response then is to be even more obnoxious in order to feel important or significant. This then starts a vicious cycle.

Cheers.

Life Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change, tip 4

Introduction: I am doing a series of easy tips for an improved life. They are designed to be simple actions that make a big impact.

Tip 4:

Who were you yesterday?

When we are working on self improvement, change may seem really slow. It may seem that we are not making any progress.

A big problem many people have is comparing their self, their progress against others. Most of us have a model. We have some person we admire and want to be like. We take steps to be more like that person. We start out very enthusiastically. But it often seems that that other person has really big shoes to fill. As time passes, we get disappointed.

That person makes it look so easy. And for us, it can be very difficult. It is not impossible, but harder than we thought. Sometimes it is so hard, we quit.

What to do?

Stop comparing your self to others for one. Understand that some things are naturally a lot easier for some than others. For example, some people are natural born sales experts. I know someone who can sell anything to anyone. Me, it is really hard. I could do the exact same thing as this person, but my results would pale in comparison. People you admire are probably naturally good at what ever it is you admire in them. It will take more work and effort for you to do what they do. If it were something you do naturally well, you would not be looking at them for inspiration.

Don’t get me wrong. It is great to have a mentor. It is great to try to improve your self in some aspect of life by following their example. Learning what that mentor did and following in their footsteps is a great way for improvement. But, remember that person is naturally good at that and has been doing it a long time. You can’t be as good when you are just starting out.

Look at your own progress for two. The question here is how have you improved since just yesterday? No really, how are you better today than yesterday?

Let me give an example. I got a new home 4 years ago. The yard was a blank canvas. I had all sorts of ideas of how to make it beautiful. I’m still working on it. I get discouraged sometimes. I thought I could have it perfect in 18 months. But, it takes time. I have to think how much I have actually accomplished in 4 years. I look at the project I did a couple of months ago. When I look around the yard, there is a lot of change and improvement.

The point is to look at you and your accomplishments. You may not reach your goal in the time you expected or wanted. But as long as you make progress, you are improving. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Change can be quick. Sometimes things can happen really fast. But it can be slow too. Don’t be discouraged. Follow this tip, and you will realize you are making changes.

Here for you.

Cheers.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change tip 3

Introduction: This is a series of easy tips for improvement. They are designed to be simple actions to make a big impact.

Tip three:

Have the right people in your life.

It is important to surround your self with people who are on the same page as you. These are people who either have the same goals or have already accomplished the goals you have for you.

When you have the right circle of friends, you have people who will encourage you. These people will inspire. They will give you a nudge. They will keep you on the right track. They won’t think you are crazy to have certain goals and dreams. They won’t try to talk you out of your dream. They will build you up.

These people have the same values as you at least in your goals. For example, if you are striving to be a successful business owner, you want to be with other people with the same goal or have met that goal. If you are with people who don’t understand that desire, they may be discouraging to you. On the other hand, people with the same goals are supportive. You feel safe talking to these people.

This does not mean that you can’t have a variety of people in your life. Different people bring different things to our lives. We share different things with different people. For example, you go to the casino with one friend, but another you will never have join you to the casino. So, keep different people around for different things. Just make sure you have some people in your life that you need for support of your goals and dreams.

OK that’s it for tip 3.

Cheers. Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change tip two

Introduction: I want to do a series of easy tips for an improved life. They are designed to be simple changes that make a big impact.

Tip two:

Take care of you as you take care of others.

Are you responsible the well being of another? This could be a child or children. This could be a spouse. This could be a parent. It could be a pet. And how do you take care of this other living being?

I have two dogs. I take care of their very need. I feed them. I take care of medical issues. I brush them. I clean their teeth. I clip their nails. I hug and kiss them. I caress their heads. I comfort them when they are scared. I tell not to worry that everything will be OK. I let them know I love them.

We all need that. We all need to be taken care of with love and tenderness. We all need to be reassured. Unfortunately, not every one has that. Not every one has that sort of support. If you are one, then you need to do it for you.

You deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve to understand that you are valuable and that you matter. You need to be told everything will be OK. You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve to be patted on the back.

If no one is in your life to do that for you, you have to do it for yourself. Appreciate you. Embrace who you are. Embrace how you are. Treat yourself to nice things. You deserve it and you matter.

As always, I am here for you. OK.

Cheers, Life Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

12 easy tips for change.

Introduction:

I want to do a series of easy tips for an improved life. These are designed to be simple changes that make a big impact. There are 12 in all.

Tip One.

Stand up and hold your head up high.

How one stands and walks, their posture, is very important. When one stands up straight, with their chin up, they feel strong. They feel positive. Good posture tells the world that you believe you are somebody. You are worthy of respect.

When one stands tall, they feel significant. They feel that they matter. This in return helps people to feel worthy of being loved and accepted by others. This leads to a sense that they are worthy of having that connection with others.

When one stands tall, they have more energy. Life seems better. They get a little pep in their stride. They may just strut. They smile more. The world does not seem so heavy.

So, don’t slouch. Don’t look down. Pick up your feet. You will feel better.

Until next time then.

Cheers.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Big Brother’s Christie and the why of crying

Until this week I was a fan of Big Brother. But following a private spoiler group, I just could not put up with it anymore. Why? Well, the people in the group were so negative. It was so bad, I had to stop watching all together.

But they did inspire this blog which I think is very important.

One of the house guests is Christie. I like her, but people are hating her because they don’t like her tears. Many people say she has crocodile tears. They say she cries to get things her way. These same people are entertained watching her “melt down”. They think this is fun and funny.

I am here to tell you it is not.

Let me explain. All crying is done to fill the need for love and connection. It is giving love and connection to the self. So when Christie does that, she is feeling a need to comfort herself. The more she does that, the more she needs it.

These are not crocodile tears. There is no such thing as crocodile tears. All tears come from a legitimate need.

People who cry a lot are not cry babies. We all fill our basic needs in different ways. Crying is one method to fill the need for love and connection. If one does it a lot, then there is a great need for it.

So, please have compassion for people who tend to cry a lot. They are not trying to manipulate nor are they babies. And this is not entertainment.

A little more on this subject. The opposite need of love and connection is the need for significance. This is the need to feel you matter. We all have it. When one feels a lack of significance, they lean on the opposite need (love and connection) and do what they do naturally to fill that need.

This action of crying is a knee jerk action. It is done without even thinking. Therefore, it is not done to manipulate. It is done to fill the need for love and connection and to fill the gap for the sense of significance or a sense of self which is missing.

OK, that is all for today.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa, www.facebook.com/coachLisa

The Why of Shootings

So I have gone through this before, but I will go through it again. The “Why” of mass shootings is not that complicated. It is basic. There are four reasons and only four reasons for anything and everything.

THE PROBLEM:

There are four basic needs. These are what motivate us. The reason for any shooting is to fill the need for significance. This need is opposite the need for love and connection with others. Where there is a loss of connection with others, and the need for significance is great, we have violence.

The violence can take various forms. It can be a shooting, a stabbing, a fist fight, a bomb, running someone over with a car. Who knows?

The point is that when someone feels that they are being denied their need, they act out. This is the core reason for violence. It is not video games (but they probably do not help). It is not mental illness. It is not negative music (but it does not help). It is pure and simple the reaction to a sense of loss and power.

Don’t misunderstand. Wanting to feel significance is not a negative thing. I know it sounds that way, but it isn’t. We all want it. We just want it on different levels. For example, if you tell a joke, you want people to laugh, right? If they do, you get a sense of significance. You are funny. If they do not, then you feel a lack of significance. You are not funny.

The opposite need is love and connection to others. This is either being filled on a minimal level if at all. Certain people are so in desire for significance that they do not meet that need at all. Or the lack of that need being met triggers (so to speak) the violence.

Since there is a loss of connection with others, they don’t care what they do to others.

When children feel bullied or left out at school, they act out against their school mates. When people feel they are losing what is important to them, some few turn to mass shooting.

THE ANSWER:

The answer is that we need to help people, all people to feel connected. We need for them to feel they belong. We need for all to feel that they don’t have to give up what they cherish to others.

There have been a lot of changes especially in the last 20 years or so. Some have been very good. Some however, have helped others while hurting others. What most people don’t seem to understand is that when we give to others, we often take from others. You can’t always give rights to some without taking away rights from others.

Confused? Here is an example: the use of public bathrooms. Some people want bathrooms to be either for males only and for females only. But some people want to allow transgender individuals into the bathroom that responds to the gender with which they associate. So we can’t have it both ways, right? So someone loses. Someone has to not have the public bathrooms to their liking. One side wins and one side loses. See? And there are many other examples.

THE EL PASO CASE:

This is not about race and hate as much as it may seem. I guarantee it has more to do with too much loss. This has to do with a person who senses a lot of loss. They don’t have the city they used to have. There has been a lot of changes. They feel they have lost more than they have gained. They sense that they have had things taken away from them that they cherish.

It may or not be true, but what matters is this is their perception of what has happened. They perceive the loss. They feel pushed aside. They feel that society does not care about their needs. They feel that they have needs that are not being met. On top of that is a lack of connection with those who are perceived to have brought on this loss. Understand? In their mind, in their perception, if they can eliminate those who stole from them or those who received what was once theirs then the pendulum will swing back the other way. Equality will be brought back and fairness will be restored.

They are not alone. I see it everywhere. Lots and lots of people feel pushed aside. I won’t go into it here and now. But there is a great sense of loss. Many people sense that they have lost what they cherish. How they want things is either mostly gone or completely gone. It is not hopeless. It is a matter of listening to people. It is a matter of understanding people. Then come together and find the compromise. It comes down to love and connection.

I will see what can be done.

Love and connect.

Life coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

When not to be strong

WHEN NOT TO BE STRONG…WHAT?

There are times to not be strong. Here is my story:

I tried very hard to help someone to have their dream come true. I was selling my business. My office manager had dreamed of having this sort of business. So, I helped her to finance the purchase. BIG MISTAKE.

She and her husband made the first payments as agreed in our written agreements. But then she said it was hard to make the payments. I did not believe that, but I went along with it. BIG MISTAKE.

She said they could only make partial payments. Well, I thought that perhaps they would only want a few months to adjust their finances. I was thinking it would be a temporary situation. You know the 6 months we think will be time to figure things out? Well, that is what I was thinking it would be. WRONG!

Two years the partial payments have lasted. And now, I am in financial turmoil. You see, I have had to dip into my life’s savings in order to survive. I know it is my fault. I should not have said OK to the partial payments. But I did out of the goodness of my heart and with the thought it would probably be a 6 month sacrifice not a two year sacrifice. I was trying to BE STRONG. I was trying to  be strong for them. I was trying to help them to have time to get their finances in order.

THE LESSON FOR YOU:

Here is what I want others to learn from this. I was trying to be strong. I thought that by accepting the partial payments, I was helping them. And I was helping them, right?Their finances were gaining strength. But what I did was hurt me. I should have at some point in time, told them this is hurting me. “I can’t continue with the partial payments.”, is what I should have said say after the first 6 months. The longer I let this continue the worse the situation gets. At this point, I have virtually accepted the partial payments. Good luck now getting full payments on a note due two years ago.

The point is don’t be strong for others if it will hurt you. Don’t sacrifice your own level of living to help others. Don’t sacrifice your own peace of mind to help others. We have to look after our own well being first. There is nothing wrong with that. If you become in a situation where you are hurting yourself, don’t be strong and try to get through it by being tough. Speak up! Stand up for your rights and your needs. It’s OK.

Coach Lisa