Category: Uncategorized

Oh Heavens!

Way back when, saying the “F” word and giving the gesture that went with it was not common. It was actually not very common at all. In my growing up days that was a very bad word. Even through my college days, it was not something I heard regularly. To me, only the lowest of the low said that word and made that gesture.

There was a time that that word and gesture were used to provide shock. It was what one did to insult. It was done to let someone know that you thought they were not worthy. It was used to put others down. It was a statement.

But today, it is common, really common. It is so common today I don’t even know why it is considered a “bad” word anymore. It is not shocking to hear it. The word and the gesture are pretty much meaningless anymore. It can actually used as a joke today. I have seen people use it today to say something like “shut up”,”leave me alone” or “I don’t care what you have to say”.

Why it is bad and why we need to stop using it.

I have to stop right here and say I have never liked the word or the expression. I think it is not only rude, but violent and filled with anger. I think using it makes one more angry. Even though it is common it still has enough anger behind it to make it a negative force in society. That negative energy is out there.

Frustrations.

We get frustrated with others. We get frustrated when we have an “incident” while driving. We get frustrated when someone pesters us. We get frustrated when we get poor customer service or have a lot of steps to get through to have a problem resolved.

In today’s world the “F” word and gesture are the “go to” response. And even though they don’t have the impact they once had, they still put anger into to the world.

What to do?

I suggest using a friendlier word. I know it sounds silly. But is it silly? My suggestion is the expression “Oh Heavens”. Yes, that is my suggestion. It’s a fun thing to say. It is rare. And it is a nice alternative to a very rude and violent word and gesture.

Be a trend setter. Start the “Oh Heavens” trend. I dare you.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Not a Mind Reader

One of the biggest problems with communication is assuming the person or people you are talking to are thinking what you are thinking. We can clearly have the subject of our comments clearly in our head. We know what we are saying. But sometimes those who hear our words or perhaps even read our words don’t know what you are thinking.

Here is an example:

Yesterday a very dear friend of mine was very upset about the “children who had been abused”. “What children?, I asked. “Don’t you read the news?”, was the response. Well, she then got specific about which children had been abused. Once she clarified which children the conversation was fine. But until she had specified which children, I had no clue to whom she was referring.

Why this is important:

First of all, I was a bit upset with my friend for getting angry with me for not knowing “the children”, and seemingly upset with me for not being up on current events. It is a current event, but not as if it happened say the day before. Why was she angry with me?

Second of all, is the bigger issue. I don’t know how many times I have been talking to someone, and I thought what I was saying was as clear as can be. Just to have the other person make a comment or a question which made it clear we were thinking two very different things. I have always bee baffled as to why they were thinking something very different.

The reason they were thinking something very different is because they were not mind readers.

Falling on deaf ears:

This is sort of like talking to someone who is hard of hearing. Have you ever talked to someone who is hard of hearing and they can’t seem to understand anything?  Or have you ever tried to hear someone whose speech is hard to understand? You ask “what?”, and they repeat what they said and you still do not understand. At this point you have to ask again, or just nod and smile and hope they did not ask you a question. Both of these situations are very frustrating.  This is true when someone in a conversation thinks others are mind readers. Because when you have had a conversation go sideways you have choices. Start completely over by clarifying first or giving up on the conversation all together.

Why this matters:

This leads to mixed communication and misunderstanding. It can lead to frustration and hurt feelings. My friend knows I read the news. I read the news more than she. But for a moment, just a moment, she was frustrated  over my “lack of knowledge” and her need to “clarify which children”. I had temporary hurt feelings that she thought I was uninformed about current affairs. Now this was a short lived issue that was over as soon as I knew which abused children.

But take this to other scenarios. This could be an employee and his or her supervisor or boss. This could be a customer at a business. This could be a comment made just about anywhere. Think about how misinformation gets spread on social media. Think about how quickly anger flares. People start pointing fingers and calling names. And sometimes it can be over a simple misunderstanding because of poor communication.

When people are thinking two different things, things can get ugly. Has this ever happened to you: “You said xxxx”. “I did not”. “You did so”.  And what happened? Quite often that sort of “communication” leads to fights between family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors etc. It can lead to people not talking to each other and not interacting well, if at all, with one another. You  know what that is like. Tensions grow. It gets worse. Sometimes one person will break the ice and they clear the air by understanding what was really meant by understanding what the other person was thinking.

What to do:

If you are having a conversation with someone, make sure you understand each other. Make sure you have the information right. Don’t just smile and nod and hope they did not just ask you a question. And if someone says something you find hard to believe, get clarity. You may not be understanding them correctly.

Once I had a conversation that went sideways. The other person get very angry with me, and I had no idea why. So, I asked. She explained. I clarified what I had said, what I was thinking.  In the process of clarification I said I didn’t mean “that”. And she said something that stayed with me all these years. She said, “It doesn’t matter what you say, it matters how it is interpreted.” So keep that in mind. If others are getting the wrong idea, it may be because they are not a mind reader.

Cheers!

I hope this will help you to prevent misunderstandings and relationship issues or if nothing else help you to see where communication broke down so you can keep your relationships healthy and happy.

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

Oath to Humanity

Oath to Humanity

I vow to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the footsteps of those who teach the art of humanity. I will respect their wisdom.

I will live my life in partnership with all humanity.

I will gladly share my wisdom with those who choose to follow in my footsteps.

I will not provide any means for another to hurt themselves when they feel hopeless.

Nor will I suggest any means to do self harm.

I will aide others and do acts of kindness within my ability.

I will will share warmth, sympathy, empathy, and understanding to all fellow human beings.

I will respect the privacy of others and will not spread rumors or personal information.

I will remember that I am not helping an inferior person, but a human being that is doing the best they can, and has had a difficult time.

We all need someone to lean on from time to time. I will not be ashamed to ask for help when I am unable to take care of my needs. I will accept help when I need it for me and my family.

I will work to prevent hardship for others for it is easier to prevent hardship than it is to fix.

I will remember that I am a member of society, with obligations to all my fellow human beings, those who are doing well and those who are not.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life. I will be respected while I live and be remembered with affection thereafter.

May I always act so as to build up the human race as a calling and thus may I experience the joy of assisting those in need.

This post can be found at: www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Cheers!

Coach

Confidence made Easy

Hey~

Some people have natural confidence. One of the things I admired about my mom was her confidence. Even when she did not know how to do something, it did not stop her. I too have a lot of confidence. I think I can do all sorts of things. I am not always right, but it does not stop me from trying.

People don’t have confidence sometimes. If they don’t know how to do something, they don’t want to try.  People don’t want to try something if they will fail or think they will fail. Why bother?

The thing about confidence is that we all have confidence in certain areas of our lives. There are things we have tried so we have confidence in that. You know whether or not you like sushi for example. You know if you like roller coaster rides. There are also things we have studied. You know if you are good at computers. You know if you are good at repairing a car or preparing a meal.

But then there are the unknown things. Would I like this or that? Would I be good at this or that? Can I do that job? In this list of unknown things, you want to do this or that. Perhaps you want to start a business. But you don’t have the confidence to try. Perhaps you want to play a sport. Perhaps you want to start a band. But you lack the confidence to do it.

What to do?

Confidence is easy. 

Think of something you excel at doing. What are you really good at doing? What do you love to do? When you do that you have a natural confidence, right? Right. OK so now just use that natural confidence you have in that and apply it to this new thing you want to start doing.

It is that easy.

When you are doing or tying something new and feel reserved just imagine that thing you have mastered in your life. Imagine doing that. You will feel confident.  Now smile. That helps everything. Smiling adds relaxation and confidence. An extra tip about smiling… keep your mouth closed an just put the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Then you have that “Mona Lisa” smile thing going on. It’s like your little secret. In your mind, you know you are smiling, but no one else does. Try it.

Don’t be afraid to try. I have tried and failed more than most people have tried. You may not be great at what you want to do. You may not like that new food you tried. You may not like that adventure. But will never know unless you try.

So what? So what if you don’t like it or are not good at it. If you do try and do like it, who cares if you master it or not? Do what you enjoy. Doing what you enjoy brings richness to your life.

There you go… confidence made easy.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisayifecoach

 

 

Learn, love, laugh

Every day should have 3 significant moments:

What did you learn today? If you are aware of your day, you learned something. Maybe it was a better way of doing something. Maybe it was another way of looking at something. Maybe it was new math. It could be any number of things. So, what did you learn today?

Who did I love? Whose company made your day? Maybe it was a co worker. Maybe it was a neighbor. Maybe it was a pet. So, who did you love today, or for whom did you feel love today?

What made me laugh? It could be a simple chuckle or an all out laugh until you cried moment. What was it? Was it a funny encounter? Was a cute child? Was it a cute pet? Was it a line on a television show? Was it tripping over the rug in your kitchen? So, what made you laugh today?

Every day has at least one of each of these moments. These are the things to remember. When you think about your life, these are the moments you want to remember. Learning, love, and laughter make a day worth having and remembering.

One last question are you living the life of your dreams? If you don’t have enough of these three things, probably not. What’s missing? What can you do about that?

Tell me what you learned, how you felt love, and what made you laugh. You know where to find me: www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Coach

Is is a self esteem issue or something else?

A woman I know said she does not like looking in the mirror. Her friend said it was a self esteem issue. That if the woman liked herself better she would like what she sees. And you can always change things. You can change your hair. Women can wear make up or do their make up differently. You can have dental work done. And if you want you can do a face lift or some other plastic surgery.

I initially agreed with that it was self esteem. This woman does not have very high self esteem. People with a positive sense of self either like what they see or they don’t care what they look like. Some with an inflated positive sense of self think they look good even when they are not having a good day.

The more I thought about it I got another thought. Some people, like the woman who does not like how she looks, actually have high expectations. She wants to look a certain way. And she does not look the way she wants. This woman does not want to look like a movie star. She does not base her desired look on glamour magazines. She has a very specific idea of how she wants to look.

Is it self esteem or high expectations? It is hard to know what is true for any one person until you get to know them a little better.

Many people seem to have low self esteem.  But maybe it is high expectations for  a part of their life not being met instead. Maybe it is not having a relationship. Maybe it is not having a good career or a career they enjoy. Maybe it is not being able to buy a house. Maybe it is not having children.

Most of us make goals in our late teens and early 20s. We know exactly how we want our lives to go. Some people seem to make their plans work out without difficulty. Others seem to be able to only make some things work out. And then there are the unfortunate ones who can’t seem to make anything work out. Not creating the life we want can cause self esteem issues. But once again, it may be more high expectations that are too high to meet.

It is funny. I remember when I was in college my best friend and I were hanging out at the mall. We were in a very nice department store. My friend said to me that this is the sort of store she would love to have her career take her. As I recall, her idea was to be a buyer or something. To me, that business was where one started. I was thinking more on the lines of retail clerk. The point is we saw the same business very differently. One saw it as a start the other the destination. It is all about expectations, right?

High expectations are very good. They can be very good motivators. It is good to set a goal. But you don’t want to set the bar to high. Goals need to be reachable. Then when you meet that goal go ahead and raise that bar if you want. But just don’t get caught up in some sort of unrealistic goal. If your expectations are too high, there is too much disappointment if you don’t reach it, or in the effort to meet that goal you lose sight of everything and life gets out of balance.

As for the woman who did not like her looks, when she realized it was high expectations she did not hate what she saw. She actually smiled and thought much better about herself.

If you feel as if you have low self esteem, take another look. Is is self esteem or is is high expectations? Did you set your bar too high? There is nothing wrong with high expectations. Just remember to set reasonable goals then raise the bar.

I hope that helps.

If you need help sorting it out, you know where to find me. www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Cheers!

Coach

Looking in the mirror and reflection

I love mirrors. 

There are generally two reasons for loving mirrors:

A) Because you like looking at yourself.

B) They make a room seem  bigger.

My reason is definitely not A. I guess B is the closer answer.

But I think my reason is deeper than that. 

I reflect on life all day long. I am inspired every day to some deep pondering question. When I think I have something that may inspire, I either make a quick post on my Facebook page (www. facebook.com/lisaylifecoach) or I make a post on my blogs. Mirrors reflect that I am reflective. I am reflective of just about everything.

The thing is that I don’t like looking in the mirrors.

I look into them as needed to brush my hair or check my clothes before leaving the house etc. Someone said that if you don’t like what you see it is a self-image issue. That got me reflecting on this.

The question I have for you today is: Do you love yourself? Why or why not? And the followup question is: How can you love yourself more today?

My answers: I like the person I have become. I am kind. I am caring. I am considerate. How I can love myself more would be to accept that I can’t change the world. I do the best I can. You can’t get through to everyone. On the other hand you can help in the most amazing ways. Yesterday, I made one comment on Facebook, and I made a whole office of people happy. That made me feel better about my day.

I want you to look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Are you the person you want to be? Are you at your highest self? I know people who come close, but most of us aren’t.   And it is OK if we aren’t.

The person who said not liking the image in the mirror was a self image issue also said those things you don’t like can be changed. If you are happy with who you are, good for you! But if you are not happy, then you can make changes.

If that is what you want, then you have to answer this: What is your ideal self? What does it mean to be at your highest self?

I will let you reflect on that.

Cheers!

Coach

 

Why you should fold your hands in prayer

Why do people fold their hands in prayer? I don’t know. It is a very old custom. I don’t know why people do it, but I know why you should.

There is energy in the world. Different people call it different things. There is also different types of energy. I am talking about the God energy. I am talking about the energy that you pray to.

Energy comes into us through our left hand. It goes through us and exits through the right hand. Some people like to pray holding hands. Some believe that the best way to do this is left hand up and right hand down. This is remembered with the saying, “If it were left up to me, we would get right down to it”.  If you focus your attention of energy when you hold hands in a prayer circle you can feel it. Now, if you are alone, you can have that same circle of energy by holding your hands together. Some people hold their hands with the fingers extended and they make a triangle. Some people hold their hands with the fingers interlocked in a more fist like position. It does not matter how they are as long as the hands touch. What is important is that the two hands touch in order to create that circle of energy.

So the next time you pray and you are alone unite your hands for the circle of energy. When you pray alone, fold your hands and you will feel that energy. To me, it just makes it more powerful.

Cheers!

Coach.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Your Obituary

Have you ever wondered what your obituary will say? I have. I have been fascinated by death since I was 16. Since then I have wondered who would be sad. I wondered who would miss me.

An obituary reflects your life. It reflects your family relations. It reflects your work. It reflects your activities. Who ever writes them emphasizes your good side and ignores your not so good qualities. We all seem to look like saints, right? You can take a career criminal and say he was good to his family.

It is funny after people die. More often than not people can think of all the good you had in you and all the good you did. We don’t normally say bad things about the dead. We do this to preserve the good memories.

The question is what will your obituary say?

When it talks about your relationships with others who will or will not be there? When it talks about your activities what will it say? Will there be fun trips and adventures? What about your work? Will it say you did what you loved? Will your obituary reflect a life lived the way you wanted? Will it reflect the person you want to be?

Maybe you are living the life you want. Maybe you are living a great life. Good for you! But if you look at your life and say I am not happy with this or that, then perhaps it is time to make that change.

I have learned to understand the concept of having no regrets. We make the decisions that are right for us at the time. But things change. What was right for us at one time may not be right for us now. Sometimes we do things at one time when we really did not have options. But then  after some time we grow and mature and a decision we made some time ago may be working for us now. If this is true for you, then it is time to “kill” what is not working for you anymore and create an alternative to meet that goal or need on a higher level.

Things have to be constantly destroyed in order to make room for something new to come into your life. Life is like a river and it needs to be free to move. Life a river our lives cannot move if it has dams.

So,  take a look at your life. Will your obituary reflect the life you want it to or not? If not, make the change.

If you do “kill” some things that no longer work for you, think of this not as an end but as a beginning. 

You can’t die if you don’t live.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

How do you wish to express yourself?

As you move toward the end of your year and look forward to the future, the question to ask is not “What should I do?” but rather, “How do I wish to express myself?”
You see, this year many of you had very long to-do lists. You knew you had things on your agenda and you didn’t want to miss anything.

This year is now drawing to a close. This is a time for you to reorient yourselves for the next year and understand that the new focus is all about how you wish to be, and what you wish to experience.

Things are always changing, and you are want to be ready for the new year. You need to release the fear of missing something or making mistakes because not only are you mindful, you are starting to recognize that the true value is in experience and self expression.

This is also profoundly important because it is time to make the shift away from martyred service to joyful service. It is about navigating by preference, playing in unprecedented energies, and co-creating and making a difference as you go, and that, friends, is exactly what your souls have been aiming for all along.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lsaylifecoach