Uncategorized – Page 11 – Lisa Y coaching

12 easy tips for change.

Introduction:

I want to do a series of easy tips for an improved life. These are designed to be simple changes that make a big impact. There are 12 in all.

Tip One.

Stand up and hold your head up high.

How one stands and walks, their posture, is very important. When one stands up straight, with their chin up, they feel strong. They feel positive. Good posture tells the world that you believe you are somebody. You are worthy of respect.

When one stands tall, they feel significant. They feel that they matter. This in return helps people to feel worthy of being loved and accepted by others. This leads to a sense that they are worthy of having that connection with others.

When one stands tall, they have more energy. Life seems better. They get a little pep in their stride. They may just strut. They smile more. The world does not seem so heavy.

So, don’t slouch. Don’t look down. Pick up your feet. You will feel better.

Until next time then.

Cheers.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Big Brother’s Christie and the why of crying

Until this week I was a fan of Big Brother. But following a private spoiler group, I just could not put up with it anymore. Why? Well, the people in the group were so negative. It was so bad, I had to stop watching all together.

But they did inspire this blog which I think is very important.

One of the house guests is Christie. I like her, but people are hating her because they don’t like her tears. Many people say she has crocodile tears. They say she cries to get things her way. These same people are entertained watching her “melt down”. They think this is fun and funny.

I am here to tell you it is not.

Let me explain. All crying is done to fill the need for love and connection. It is giving love and connection to the self. So when Christie does that, she is feeling a need to comfort herself. The more she does that, the more she needs it.

These are not crocodile tears. There is no such thing as crocodile tears. All tears come from a legitimate need.

People who cry a lot are not cry babies. We all fill our basic needs in different ways. Crying is one method to fill the need for love and connection. If one does it a lot, then there is a great need for it.

So, please have compassion for people who tend to cry a lot. They are not trying to manipulate nor are they babies. And this is not entertainment.

A little more on this subject. The opposite need of love and connection is the need for significance. This is the need to feel you matter. We all have it. When one feels a lack of significance, they lean on the opposite need (love and connection) and do what they do naturally to fill that need.

This action of crying is a knee jerk action. It is done without even thinking. Therefore, it is not done to manipulate. It is done to fill the need for love and connection and to fill the gap for the sense of significance or a sense of self which is missing.

OK, that is all for today.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa, www.facebook.com/coachLisa

The Why of Shootings

So I have gone through this before, but I will go through it again. The “Why” of mass shootings is not that complicated. It is basic. There are four reasons and only four reasons for anything and everything.

THE PROBLEM:

There are four basic needs. These are what motivate us. The reason for any shooting is to fill the need for significance. This need is opposite the need for love and connection with others. Where there is a loss of connection with others, and the need for significance is great, we have violence.

The violence can take various forms. It can be a shooting, a stabbing, a fist fight, a bomb, running someone over with a car. Who knows?

The point is that when someone feels that they are being denied their need, they act out. This is the core reason for violence. It is not video games (but they probably do not help). It is not mental illness. It is not negative music (but it does not help). It is pure and simple the reaction to a sense of loss and power.

Don’t misunderstand. Wanting to feel significance is not a negative thing. I know it sounds that way, but it isn’t. We all want it. We just want it on different levels. For example, if you tell a joke, you want people to laugh, right? If they do, you get a sense of significance. You are funny. If they do not, then you feel a lack of significance. You are not funny.

The opposite need is love and connection to others. This is either being filled on a minimal level if at all. Certain people are so in desire for significance that they do not meet that need at all. Or the lack of that need being met triggers (so to speak) the violence.

Since there is a loss of connection with others, they don’t care what they do to others.

When children feel bullied or left out at school, they act out against their school mates. When people feel they are losing what is important to them, some few turn to mass shooting.

THE ANSWER:

The answer is that we need to help people, all people to feel connected. We need for them to feel they belong. We need for all to feel that they don’t have to give up what they cherish to others.

There have been a lot of changes especially in the last 20 years or so. Some have been very good. Some however, have helped others while hurting others. What most people don’t seem to understand is that when we give to others, we often take from others. You can’t always give rights to some without taking away rights from others.

Confused? Here is an example: the use of public bathrooms. Some people want bathrooms to be either for males only and for females only. But some people want to allow transgender individuals into the bathroom that responds to the gender with which they associate. So we can’t have it both ways, right? So someone loses. Someone has to not have the public bathrooms to their liking. One side wins and one side loses. See? And there are many other examples.

THE EL PASO CASE:

This is not about race and hate as much as it may seem. I guarantee it has more to do with too much loss. This has to do with a person who senses a lot of loss. They don’t have the city they used to have. There has been a lot of changes. They feel they have lost more than they have gained. They sense that they have had things taken away from them that they cherish.

It may or not be true, but what matters is this is their perception of what has happened. They perceive the loss. They feel pushed aside. They feel that society does not care about their needs. They feel that they have needs that are not being met. On top of that is a lack of connection with those who are perceived to have brought on this loss. Understand? In their mind, in their perception, if they can eliminate those who stole from them or those who received what was once theirs then the pendulum will swing back the other way. Equality will be brought back and fairness will be restored.

They are not alone. I see it everywhere. Lots and lots of people feel pushed aside. I won’t go into it here and now. But there is a great sense of loss. Many people sense that they have lost what they cherish. How they want things is either mostly gone or completely gone. It is not hopeless. It is a matter of listening to people. It is a matter of understanding people. Then come together and find the compromise. It comes down to love and connection.

I will see what can be done.

Love and connect.

Life coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

When not to be strong

WHEN NOT TO BE STRONG…WHAT?

There are times to not be strong. Here is my story:

I tried very hard to help someone to have their dream come true. I was selling my business. My office manager had dreamed of having this sort of business. So, I helped her to finance the purchase. BIG MISTAKE.

She and her husband made the first payments as agreed in our written agreements. But then she said it was hard to make the payments. I did not believe that, but I went along with it. BIG MISTAKE.

She said they could only make partial payments. Well, I thought that perhaps they would only want a few months to adjust their finances. I was thinking it would be a temporary situation. You know the 6 months we think will be time to figure things out? Well, that is what I was thinking it would be. WRONG!

Two years the partial payments have lasted. And now, I am in financial turmoil. You see, I have had to dip into my life’s savings in order to survive. I know it is my fault. I should not have said OK to the partial payments. But I did out of the goodness of my heart and with the thought it would probably be a 6 month sacrifice not a two year sacrifice. I was trying to BE STRONG. I was trying to be strong for them. I was trying to help them to have time to get their finances in order.

THE LESSON FOR YOU:

Here is what I want others to learn from this. I was trying to be strong. I thought that by accepting the partial payments, I was helping them. And I was helping them, right?Their finances were gaining strength. But what I did was hurt me. I should have at some point in time, told them this is hurting me. “I can’t continue with the partial payments.”, is what I should have said say after the first 6 months. The longer I let this continue the worse the situation gets. At this point, I have virtually accepted the partial payments. Good luck now getting full payments on a note due two years ago.

The point is don’t be strong for others if it will hurt you. Don’t sacrifice your own level of living to help others. Don’t sacrifice your own peace of mind to help others. We have to look after our own well being first. There is nothing wrong with that. If you become in a situation where you are hurting yourself, don’t be strong and try to get through it by being tough. Speak up! Stand up for your rights and your needs. It’s OK.

Coach Lisa

Be a humane society

When a whole page of a newspaper is dedicated to dogs and cats needing homes, we are not a humane society. Allowing pets to breed without homes for them is wrong. Taking a pet into your home and changing your mind and getting rid of them is wrong. Not taking care of these pets or abusing them so that they are removed from a home is wrong.

There is no excuse in a civilized country to have a need for animal shelters. There should be a shortage of pets. There should be such a shortage that only the best people can have the privilege of having the loving companionship of a pet or two.

Not doing everything you need to do to keep your dog or cat safe is not OK. Having a dog run loose or a cat run loose and get hit and killed by a car is not OK. How hard is it to keep your pet safe? As long as our pets get out and are not safe, we are not a humane society. Look, I understand. Some dogs are escape artists. But you can take measures to keep them safe. If we were talking about
children getting out and getting kidnapped, assaulted, or hit by a car and killed, you would say that it was negligence on the part of the parents. An animal’s life is not less valuable than a human life. Protect your pets as you would a child.

So, neuter your pets. Don’t breed them. Breeding pets is not a way to make a living. It is leading to a surplus of pets. It brings pain and suffering to those that don’t get a home or get a bad home. And keep your pets safe. Keep them from being harmed.

Let us be a civilized and humane society.

Coach Lisa

What not to say to someone with depression

If you don’t understand depression, you may have the wrong idea about it. If you don’t understand depression, and someone you know needs help, you may try to help but may end up saying the wrong things.

Depression is not just feeling down. Depression is a sense of a loss of control or uncertainty. It is not a mood. I repeat, it is not a mood. It is not made better by listening to happy music. It is not made better by doing something fun. It is not a matter of simply choosing to be in a happy mood.

Depression is an action. It meets a need. It serves a purpose. If someone with depression expresses to you what is bringing on the action of depression, one of the worst things you can say is “We all have problems.” Another wrong or not helpful thing to say is, “You just have to keep moving on.” Another thing not to say is “Get over it”.

Any of those statements above would make the person with depression feel worse. On top of that, it would make them feel stupid. They would feel stupid because they realize they don’t fit in. They are different. They would also feel that you don’t understand. If you did understand, you would not say that. Any one of those statements would very likely cut off all communication. They would not want to talk anymore because you have minimized the situation. You have minimized their issue. It would take too much energy to explain it to you.

What to do? Listen. Let them say what they have to say. This will help them to sort it out. Try to understand what it is that is missing in their life. What is uncertain? What is out of their control? When you know that, then you can help to resolve the issue. You can then help them to replace the action of depression with a better action to meet the need.

Cheers. Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

The Why of Mosque Attacks

A couple of weeks ago a shooting in New Zealand. A few days ago arson in California. People are searching for the answer.

Hate.

That is the simple answer. But there is more.

Before I continue, I feel it is necessary to say that I understand what is in the mind of terrorists. It is not because I share their point of view. I am a trained coach. It is my job to understand these things.

I am posting this to bring some light on this situation. I want to bring understanding. I want people to understand so that we as a society can take action that will repair the division we have in society that leads to terrorist attacks specifically on mosques.

There are four basic needs we all have. These are significance, love and connection with others, certainty and uncertainty. These four needs must be filled.

Let us take a look at the four one at a time and what and how the terrorists are trying to fill with the attacks.

Significance: These attacks are to provide a sense of significance. It gives the terrorist a sense of power. In the case of Muslims, they sense a loss of power from the Muslim faith. They sense that Muslims are taking over somehow. They are taking away the value of their own faith if they have one. They are pushing aside their own faith, and they don’t want their faith to be ignored or diminished. It is a sense that it is not acceptable to be a member of their faith anymore. They want their beliefs to be accepted.

Love and Connection: The terrorists want others to feel what they feel. What it is that they want the Muslims feel after the attack is what they feel. They feel scared. They feel on alert. They feel threatened. They want Muslims to feel that too. They don’t know why their values have been attacked in the same way Muslims do not understand either.

Significance and Love and Connection are opposite needs. When you build up one, you build up the other. In this case, by building up significance, the terrorist is wanting to connect with those he attacked.

Uncertainty: This is the need for variety. On the significance end of this, is to bring importance and purpose. On the love and connection end of this is bonding and oneness. When a terrorist attacks a mosque or anything other act of terror, the uncertainty is how will it end? It brings excitement into their life. It is an adventure.

Certainty: This is the need for control and comfort. It is what we do to end the pain in life. On the significance end of this is uniqueness. Doing an act of terror is unique. On the love and connection end of this is sharing and intimacy. This includes togetherness. The terrorist wants to share the pain they have. When a mosque is attacked, the terrorist is attempting to bring survival to their way of life which they see as being lost by the Muslim faith. It is a survival act.

What to do?

As a society, we need to let all know that they are not being pushed aside. We need to show that no one in society is less than any other. We need to make sure all in our society feels safe and secure. We need to make sure that no one loses their rights when we give rights to others. We need to not shame people who have different views.

I hope that this post has brought at least some understanding into the why of the attacks on Muslims. I hope that with at least some understanding, we can move forward to take actions to make all in society feel safe and loved and not to be forgotten. Let us move forward to include all.

Peace.

Coach Lisa

How to Heart Life

I started my coaching business in 2016. It was not long until it became obvious that almost every one could be helped with one simple system. You see, everyone has the same basic human necessities. There are only four. The key to happiness is filling these four necessities in a positive, enlightened manner.

What we need: Sense of Self this is knowing and embracing who you are. Foundation this is reliable base for self-sufficiency and control over your life. Newness this is having adventure and tying novelty in life to keep things interesting. Love and Rapport this is having people in our life with whom you have a special closeness.

How do we have these things? We discover what we really want. We use this discovery as motivation. We create an energizing action. We practice the new habit to enforce it. We use friends and family for support.

I have created a simple yet powerful system. You can find it in my book “How to Heart Life” It is available here: fastpencil.com/marketplace

In this guide you will find out what your inner drive is. That is, what is that one thing that motivates you more than anything?

You will learn more about such things as self-esteem, self-respect, and self-reliance. You will learn about patience, courage, joy and love.

You will get a better sense of how money plays a part in your life. You will learn about relationships.

You will learn about anger, apathy, anxiety, depression and so much more. You will learn about physical conditions and the connection to the mind. Find the cause of excess weight, headaches, back aches and more.

You will learn about you and others as well. Why does he or she do that?

Your knowledge will grow and the answers will come to you.

I learned from experience. I spent many years using depression as a means to help me to meet my necessities. But once I learned the information I have outlined in the book, my world opened up. The opportunities were everywhere. I have such a better and healthier understanding of life.

I learned how to release the things in my life that were not helpful. I replaced those things with positive habits and understanding. Listen, I have had times in my life when I cried all day for years at a time. So, I get it. If I could turn my life around, so can you.

The key to happiness is to take back control over your life. You can do it.

Cheers

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Demolition for rebirth

Every once in awhile we need to do a personal demolition. We need to shake things up. When the old habits are no longer working for us, we need new habits.

The world is in a constant state of change. If we don’t change, we get stale.

Everything must constantly be destroyed in order to be reborn. We must constantly let go of everything we hold on to, in order to flow with the motion of life.

This takes letting go of the control in our life and going with the flow of our life. This can be hard to do. We are comfortable with how things are. We know what to expect. It takes the courage to let go and let the power of the universe direct you.

It also takes trusting yourself. It can be terrifying at first to surrender to the higher power of the universe. But when you do, it is freeing. It makes you feel alive. You feel excited to be on a new path with new adventures. You are a trailblazer.

Liberate yourself from your self made limitations and demolish your old paths and shake things up.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.ccom/coach-Lisa

Peace on Earth

Especially this time of year there are a lot of requests for prayer for peace. There are posts on how to put Christ in Christmas. There are posts saying what a wonderful world it would be if we spread love, peace and respect.

These posts and sentiments are beautiful. They are uplifting. They bring hope. The main idea of trading love for hate is a wonderful dream. And frankly, I think it is possible. But not the way these posts suggest.

The idea most people have is to pray. Spread the word. Let the world know that what we need is a change of heart. And I agree with this. But I put an important twist on this.

We need to be at peace with ourselves. If we are not at peace with ourselves, how can we share peace with the world? You can’t give what you do not have.

We, as a world community, are not at peace with ourselves. We lack inner peace. We are filled with fear. We fear what is going on in the world. This is lack of the basic need for certainty. The opposite of this is uncertainty. We are uncertain what the future holds.

Ask yourself: What is not at peace in my own heart? What is my personal pain, violence, and chaos? Heal yourself. Rid yourself of these.

What do you want to change? What is preventing you from doing that?

R E S P E C T: What it means to me. To respect others is to respect our bodies and our selves. Look at what we put in our bodies. Too many people put crap in them. Too many put alcohol and drugs into them. We eat crap. Now, look at how we treat Earth. We put crap in our rivers and lakes and oceans. We throw trash in the streets. We destroy nature. When we learn to respect our selves and our bodies, we will learn to respect others and Earth.

Has the world ever been at peace? Look at the ancient writings. There are people at odds with one another for thousands of years. But that does not mean it is not possible.

Take the vow: I am willing to trust and follow my inner truth. As I do this, I will release the pain and fear within me. And in turn I will release the pain and fears of the world.

Follow through on the vow is no easy task. We are dealing with negative beliefs deep in the consciousness of humanity and are centuries old. But we can get through it. It takes each of us to recognize and experience all these fears then let them go. Then, release them. “Old fears, go and be on your way. You are not needed here anymore.” Then, replace them with the light of God, who ever your God may be. “I demand that the spirit of the light of the world replace the old fears and bring us peace.”

Healing our world. Things seem to be going from bad to worse. This is what we fear. The new “normal” is a distorted way of living. We ignore these things that have diminished our level of living. We have swept things under the rug. But you can only do that for so long. At some point in time, all the painful things of the world come to the surface. They stare us in the eye and say hello here I am. They demand to be resolved. Is it time? Is this finally the time to resolve and remove the pain in us and in the world?

The light of the world. I say yes, it is time. Why? The more light there is in the world the more darkness we see. If turn on a light in your home and it runs all day, how much do you notice it during the day? How much do you notice it in the darkness of night? See what I mean? We are so aware of the darkness because we have so much light. Isn’t that awesome?

Take responsibility for your personal fears. Deal with them. Feel the light of the world in you. And you will make a path for the light of the world to shine on the entire world.

Let us learn from what is not perfect in the world. We are all doing the best that we know how. Heal yourself. Take the vow. Do better.

Coach Lisa