Yes, that is correct. No one hates anyone. Let me explain.
You may or may not say you hate someone. Some people don’t like the word hate. They may say dislike instead. But it is a strong dislike, right? But think about it. If I were to ask you to tell me what it is you dislike about them, what would you say?
If you are like me, you may at first go blank. Your first response may be “just because”. Then you search your mind and think of things you just don’t like about them. But wait, is it what you don’t like about them, or is it more how their actions impact your life?
The impact on your life that is what you hate or dislike. It isn’t the person.
Most of the time when we don’t like people it is because they have impacted our life in a way that takes away things we enjoy. We may lose our rights. We may lose our peaceful environment. We may lose freedoms.
Let me give an example.
I have four direct neighbors. I really don’t like 2 of them. One, I really don’t like. I mean I really don’t like them. These are the neighbors directly behind me. They rub me wrong every day all day.
One evening, I walked into my kitchen. I looked out the back door and my knee jerk reaction was “I hate you”. Then I started to think about that. I thought why? Why do I hate them? Well, I think they are really not all that nice. But, why do I hate them?
Then it occurred to me. I don’t hate them. I hate their actions. I really love dogs. My dogs are my pack. That is how they look at it. My dogs are indoor dogs. They are with me most of the time. They are part of my life for companionship. My life is all about taking care of them. But my neighbors, well they have dogs. I don’t know why. They are outdoor dogs which is not terrible as long as the dogs are kept comfortable and out of bad weather. And I do have to admit that these neighbors do spend the evenings outside with them. But you can tell they don’t really enjoy their dogs. They don’t give them love or affection. I had to anonymously give the dogs a water bowl. Yes, they only had old cans for water before. I have more complaints, but I won’t go into it now. Anyway, this bugs me. All the ways I feel they mistreat their dogs bugs me.
And before you start, I talked to the Humane Society about things and there was nothing they could do but talk to them. And I knew that would not help and could possibly make things worse. And I did not talk to them because quite frankly, I am afraid of him.
So, this is why I thought I hated them. But I don’t hate them, I hate their actions. I hate how they treat their dogs. But more than that, and this is key; I hate the loss of peace with these people.
I have to avoid these neighbors. I tip toe around my house so that their dogs don’t bark at me because I don’t want to have him get angry at his dogs. I avoid being outside in the mornings all together. Starting at 4:00 p.m. I have to turn up the sound on the television to not hear them. I sleep in my back bedroom to not hear them. I have lost the peace of my home.
Does this make sense? I don’t hate them. I hate my lack of peace in my own home because of their actions.
Now, you may be thinking. You are a life coach and struggle with this? How can you help me or anyone if you struggle?
Yes, I struggle sometimes. But let me explain.
Everyone struggles sometimes. But here is the key to it all. Mentally and emotionally I no longer Do Depression as a result. I have a better response. This is let it go. When we have no control over something, we have to let it go. We have to have faith that all will be OK. I remind myself to let it go every single day and I get my peace back.
But more on this another time. The point of this post is to talk about hate. We hate what we lose because of the actions of others, or we hate the impact the actions of an other or others have on our life. We don’t hate people.
I want you to think about this the next time you think you hate or at the very least very much dislike someone, or the next time you think one group of people hates another. You don’t hate people and neither do they. They hate the impact on their life.
More often than not it is a sense of loss. The loss of a way of life they enjoy for example. What that may be is personal and cannot be defined here.
And with a change of perspective, you can learn to not feel so bad about it. Remember, no one can take anything away from you not even your peace of mind. We give things away. We can take back our power.
Cheers! Have a great day.
Coach Lisa
www.facebook.com/coachLisa