Month: December 2019

Yes, it is that time of year again. We reflect on this last year and think about what we want to change for next year.

I personally do not make New Year resolutions. I make mine on my birthday. But if you do make them here is a little tip.

When we say I am going to _(insert resolution here)_, then we do two things. One, we make a commitment. If we do not live up to that commitment, we feel disappointed. We feel we have failed. Sigh. Two, we create a sense of need. I need to _(insert resolution here)__. When we have a sense of need, we make a mental block to actually obtaining that goal.

Yes, I know. The whole point of making a resolution is to make a commitment. But what really happens? We start out the new year all excited about the change or changes we are wanting to make. But then apathy comes in. It does for a good reason, by the way. We lose interest and so much for the resolution.

Why does this happen? We find it hard. It isn’t fun to change. It is a challenge. We put too much pressure on us to change. Now add the pressure that people are watching us because we made a declaration to family and friends we are going to do this thing. Now we have failed and not lived up to our resolution and our friends and family. Sigh.

What to do?

There are two choices. One is to not make resolutions. If you don’t make any resolutions, there is no commitment to change. There is no chance to fail. Well, that is not a good choice, is it?

What is choice two?

Make it a preference.

When we say I would prefer to (insert resolution), we are making a goal, but we are not putting so much pressure on us to make this change. We lose the need for it so we lose that block. We don’t say we must do this change. It is a preference. When we lose the pressure to do this change, it makes it easier to do the thing.

If you do it, great. If you don’t, well, it is not such a big deal. It loses the great sense of failure as when we say I am going to do this change. We are not so disappointed if we do not get something we prefer as we do when we must do or get something.

So, you may be thinking that it is an easy out to prefer rather than declare you are going to do something. To prefer is to say if I do great or if I don’t great. To me I see it as more a method of making a goal without the pressure. We don’t have to anything. When we get rid of the pressure to change, we are more inclined to make the change. When people feel pressured to change, it may actually put on the brakes.

Need motivation? Ask yourself the following questions: What will you lose if you do not change? How will that feel? What will you gain when you do change? How will that feel?

So, that is my New Year resolution advice. I hope it helps.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Merry Christmas

So, when I woke up this magical morning, I thought we need to keep the magic of Christmas going 365 days a year.

I don’t mean that people should be exchanging gifts and having big feasts. What I am suggesting is that we keep the spirit alive.

I know you have heard that before.

But give me a minute. This is a little different.

Here is how.

When we wake up on Christmas morning, we are filled with a sense of wonder. The day feels special. We feel love and peace and joy. It is a day filled with surprise and a sense of blessings.

And this sense of surprise and blessings we need to keep year round.

We need to be excited again.

One of the four survival needs we all have is uncertainty or variety. This is also the need for surprise and challenge. It is what keeps us out of getting in a rut.

Every day we need to wake up and be excited about life. The world is full of surprises and unexpected blessings. They are everywhere, but we are often too busy and preoccupied to notice.

Life is full of treasures and every day needs to be a treasure hunt. Just as a child may look under the tree for a gift with his or her name on it, we need to look around for the treasures of life. They are not hard to find, but it may take a little pointing out. (I can help with that).

So, let’s take the spirit, the magic of Christmas, the expectation of surprise and blessings and extend them out to the other 364 days of the year.

I want to make a note here. This is not limited to those who celebrate Christmas. This is for everyone. Everyone needs variety and surprise in their life. Everyone needs to find the blessings in their life. Everyone needs to feel excitement.

I know some people are thinking and shaking their heads no. They don’t have this feeling on Christmas. They certainly don’t expect to feel this way any day. Life is not happy for them. I know because I too felt this way. I felt this way for a long time. I did.

A mind can change. An attitude can change. Yes, it can. You can turn things around. Anyone can get excited about life again. It takes letting go of old habits and make new habits by leaving your comfort zone. We are not talking about huge leaps here. We are talking about small steps.

I went through a period of 3 years crying all day. Today, I am at peace. If I could do it alone, you can do it and you have me.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

One of my favorite television shows is Hoarders. I am absolutely fascinated by it. I was watching just the other day and it occurred to me that people hoard habits.

When people hoard things, they don’t want to get rid of anything. They want to keep things even if they are disgusting. It could be soaked in rat urine or moldy or any number of things. But they want to keep it.

Why? Because it serves a purpose. It fills a need. In some way or another it is a comfort to have it. That is how it is with habits as well. We make habits to fill a need.

However, if the habits we make to deal with tough times in life, are on a low level, say with depression or anxiety, then it is not a long lasting solution. And so, somewhere down the line, this action or response stops working for us.

Think of it this way. When someone starts to drink alcohol to become numb, one or two drinks may do the trick. But as your body becomes accustomed to alcohol, you may need more and more to numb you from life. When you get to this point, you need something new. This is where some people turn to other stronger chemicals to numb their life.

Make sense? The same is true for the habits we make to deal with tough times. They worked for some time, but they don’t anymore. When they no longer work for you, you need to meet your needs on a higher empowering level.

But people hoard old habits as a similar manner as those who hoard things. No matter how out dated or useless this old action or habit may be, you want to hold on to it. Why? Because we think it is our only hope. We think it is the only answer. We fear that if we lose this, toss out this old habit, we we be exposed to the world defenseless. We need that comfort.

I want to urge you today to get rid of that hoard of old habits. I do understand that fear of letting go of that old habit. It is like losing an old friend. But if you want, I will be your safety net. I will take your hand and give you gentle guidance. I won’t lead you astray. I won’t let you do anything that is beyond your ability. But I will make you leave your comfort zone.

It takes going into unfamiliar territory to get where you want to be. It may take getting past the zone of fear to find your greatest peace.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

If you were to look at the parts of your life as a gig saw puzzle, the first thing you would want to do is to find the four corner pieces. Why? Because once you get the four corner pieces, everything comes together.

How?

There are four survival needs. We all have them. These are similar to the corner pieces of a gig saw puzzle. These are similar to the corner stones of a building. Just as a building needs the corner stones for strength, we need to meet these four survival needs to build a strong person. But we don’t want to just meet them. We want to meet them on a high level.

And this is what I am all about. I am all about building up people. It may take breaking down the stuff that is not working for you, and replacing it with better pieces or actions.

When you have better corner pieces, better corner stones so to speak, you will see the other pieces in your life come together.

I know. It’s hard. But really, once you get in the habit of change, you see it happening more often and a lot easier. You gain confidence.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

So, one of the things I think is vitally important is to clear the mind from time to time. I practice a day of silence from time to time. I do it as often as I can. And if I can’t do it all day, I try to do it for at least an hour or so.

What do I do? I don’t talk all day. If I absolutely have to talk, then I do, but otherwise I do my best to not say a word. And for quick pick me ups, I just do it for an hour or two.

Why do I do it? It clears my mind for one. Our minds are so cluttered. If you are like me, sometimes my mind is going in 3-4 directions at a time. When you turn your mouth off, your mind settles down. Well, it is supposed to. It may take a time or two to get your mind to settle down. What you want to do is to let the thought enter, but not stay. Have it just enter then leave. A peaceful mind will brings peace into your life.

Another benefit of this is learning to live in the moment. When I stop talking, I am in the moment. I am not thinking about all the things I have to do. A lot of my focus in on keeping my mouth shut. It is actually very challenging. If I am doing some activity, then my mind is also doing this one thing. For those of you who like multi-tasking, I urge you to stop that. It really is not a positive thing. It really is better to do one thing at a time. It keeps the brain relaxed.

Another benefit is that I find it strengthens the mind. You build up brain power. You observe more. I find that I look at the world a bit differently. You shut your mouth and open your mind, and eyes a bit more. You are actually seeing and not just looking. You understand the difference, right?

And for me, I just feel a lot more peace and joy. My guess is because not talking is sort of like my little secret: I’m not talking. Of course if you are doing this around other people, you need to tell them in advance so that they know that you are having a day of silence and not giving them the silent treatment.

So, I challenge you to try a day of silence from time to time. You may want to start with a silent hour or two and build up the time you practice silence. It may be more challenging than you think. I suggest trying to do it at least once a week.

Shh!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

What the heck is that?

As you may know, the Earth has electromagnetic frequencies. The Schumann Resonance, in a nutshell has to do with these global frequencies.

On Earth, the normal frequency is 7.83 hertz. This low frequency has spikes from time to time. These spikes are the Schumann Resonance.

So, that is not very scientific. It is a very basic explanation. I am not a scientist, and I am not here to discuss science. I am here to discuss how these spikes affect you.

We are normally in tune with the normal frequencies. But when these frequencies spike, it shakes us up. We get thrown off our game. We feel out of sync with the world.

We may have some unwelcome issues with our emotional, mental and spiritual self. We may have physical issues we chalk up to being “psychosomatic”.

But at the same time, bursts of higher frequencies can shockingly be helpful. These bursts can be cleansing. Our body energy can get blocked. These bursts can be cleansing by clearing energy blocks.

These spikes can raise our consciousness. We open up so to speak. We rise to a higher, love based frequency.

We can take advantage of these spikes. We can release mental and emotional blocks and get unstuck. During these spikes, we can release the action of apathy, “I don’t want to”, and replace it with a charged up, energizing alternative.

How? When we open our minds and hearts, which we do when the frequencies are raised, we frankly have the energy and motivation to make a change.

If you would like to see the Schumann Resonance levels, you can do it here: sosrff.tsu.ru/new/shm.jpg. Remember the normal level is 7.83 hertz.

So, the next time you don’t quite feel right, and you don’t know why, it may just be the Earth’s magnetic frequencies acting up.

Cheers!

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

I wrote a book which is step by step how I stopped doing depression. It also has general guidance for every day life. Here is the summary:

Everything we do or don’t do, every issue in life, every problem comes down to the same four basic human necessities. One of these is your prime need. This is the one thing you strive to obtain at all times. This is the one thing your life revolves around. This is your inner drive. This is what motivates you. If the necessity is not being filled or is being filled on a primal level, you suffer from emotional pain. Life is not happy. Life is not fulfilling. Life is dull. You may be experiencing anxiety, depression or fear. You may lack a sense of self. You may lack confidence. You may lack the will to live. You may think life is hard.

How to Heart Life leads you to understand the four basic necessities. It guides you to discover your prime necessity, your inner drive, your motivator. Once you understand this, you will be able to change your focus from problems in your life to the answer. You will come alive. You will create passion in your life. What do you want? What do you want to change? What is blocking you from getting that?

I was once like you. I was depressed. I worked hard but was unable to make life work for me. My life was filled with uncertainty. It seemed I had a bad attitude. But really it was a bad life that created a bad mood. But then when I understood what I truly wanted, everything became clear. For the first time in my life, I understood what made me tick. It was exciting. It was energizing.

I broke old habits and created new ones. I went from wanting and needing to having. My confidence grew. I acquired self-esteem, self-respect, and an improved sense of self-image. I eliminated my depression.

Life gives us detours. When we learn we keep our compass pointed toward our goal and we get where we want to go. You can get there from here.

Cheers, Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Yes, that is correct. No one hates anyone. Let me explain.

You may or may not say you hate someone. Some people don’t like the word hate. They may say dislike instead. But it is a strong dislike, right? But think about it. If I were to ask you to tell me what it is you dislike about them, what would you say?

If you are like me, you may at first go blank. Your first response may be “just because”. Then you search your mind and think of things you just don’t like about them. But wait, is it what you don’t like about them, or is it more how their actions impact your life?

The impact on your life that is what you hate or dislike. It isn’t the person.

Most of the time when we don’t like people it is because they have impacted our life in a way that takes away things we enjoy. We may lose our rights. We may lose our peaceful environment. We may lose freedoms.

Let me give an example.

I have four direct neighbors. I really don’t like 2 of them. One, I really don’t like. I mean I really don’t like them. These are the neighbors directly behind me. They rub me wrong every day all day.

One evening, I walked into my kitchen. I looked out the back door and my knee jerk reaction was “I hate you”. Then I started to think about that. I thought why? Why do I hate them? Well, I think they are really not all that nice. But, why do I hate them?

Then it occurred to me. I don’t hate them. I hate their actions. I really love dogs. My dogs are my pack. That is how they look at it. My dogs are indoor dogs. They are with me most of the time. They are part of my life for companionship. My life is all about taking care of them. But my neighbors, well they have dogs. I don’t know why. They are outdoor dogs which is not terrible as long as the dogs are kept comfortable and out of bad weather. And I do have to admit that these neighbors do spend the evenings outside with them. But you can tell they don’t really enjoy their dogs. They don’t give them love or affection. I had to anonymously give the dogs a water bowl. Yes, they only had old cans for water before. I have more complaints, but I won’t go into it now. Anyway, this bugs me. All the ways I feel they mistreat their dogs bugs me.

And before you start, I talked to the Humane Society about things and there was nothing they could do but talk to them. And I knew that would not help and could possibly make things worse. And I did not talk to them because quite frankly, I am afraid of him.

So, this is why I thought I hated them. But I don’t hate them, I hate their actions. I hate how they treat their dogs. But more than that, and this is key; I hate the loss of peace with these people.

I have to avoid these neighbors. I tip toe around my house so that their dogs don’t bark at me because I don’t want to have him get angry at his dogs. I avoid being outside in the mornings all together. Starting at 4:00 p.m. I have to turn up the sound on the television to not hear them. I sleep in my back bedroom to not hear them. I have lost the peace of my home.

Does this make sense? I don’t hate them. I hate my lack of peace in my own home because of their actions.

Now, you may be thinking. You are a life coach and struggle with this? How can you help me or anyone if you struggle?

Yes, I struggle sometimes. But let me explain.

Everyone struggles sometimes. But here is the key to it all. Mentally and emotionally I no longer Do Depression as a result. I have a better response. This is let it go. When we have no control over something, we have to let it go. We have to have faith that all will be OK. I remind myself to let it go every single day and I get my peace back.

But more on this another time. The point of this post is to talk about hate. We hate what we lose because of the actions of others, or we hate the impact the actions of an other or others have on our life. We don’t hate people.

I want you to think about this the next time you think you hate or at the very least very much dislike someone, or the next time you think one group of people hates another. You don’t hate people and neither do they. They hate the impact on their life.

More often than not it is a sense of loss. The loss of a way of life they enjoy for example. What that may be is personal and cannot be defined here.

And with a change of perspective, you can learn to not feel so bad about it. Remember, no one can take anything away from you not even your peace of mind. We give things away. We can take back our power.

Cheers! Have a great day.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

That statement may surprise you. Let me explain.

It may seem that is a ridiculous statement. You may say that depression is so terrible no one would want to be depressed. Well, let me start by telling you that depression fills a need. It may not seem like it, but generally speaking it fills the survival need for comfort and control.

But, you may say that it is unpleasant to do depression. How can it be a comfort? I assure you if you are very perceptive of your feelings you will understand that it is comforting as it is a familiar. I remember telling my mom that I liked being depressed. She did not understand.

There are four survival needs. Depression is an action. It fills a need. So if you do depression, what you think you want may be to not want to sleep all day. Or you may think it you want to not cry all day. Or you may think you want to not feel able to interact with others. But these things are benefits of not doing depression rather than what you want.

To stop doing depression is a vehicle to meet your need and get you those benefits exampled above. It may be to meet the need for significance or love and connection with others. Not stopping the action of depression could be the fear of actually having what you want. It can be an excuse not to succeed in a goal. To actually stop doing depression there is uncertainty of how things would be without it.

As I mentioned before, there is comfort in the familiarity of depression. Who wants to give up that familiarity. More, there is certainty in the inability to stop doing depression. Apathy, “I don’t care” gets involved. Apathy is certainty and provides control…it is your decision to stop doing depression or not. With apathy, one loses motivation as you become certain you can not stop doing depression.

So you see, no one wants to stop doing depression. What they want are the benefits of not doing depression examples as suggested above.

To transform your life, to make a change, you need to understand what it is you want, really want. Once you know this, you can make an empowering alternative action that will help you to obtain the benefits that you would enjoy by not doing depression.

Coach Lisa

www.facebook.com/coachLisa

Doing depression is like being in a cozy bed on a chilly morning. You don’t want to get up because you are warm and feel safe in bed. You watch the clock and time is passing, and you start to feel you are wasting time. This is why most people hesitate to stop Doing depression. We feel comfortable with it. You may not believe that, but it’s true. And the real, outside world seems so cold.

So, I do understand the pleasure of a cozy bed. I do understand the comfort of doing depression. Just as much as it is a comfort to stay in bed on a chilly morning we can want to stay in the comfort zone of depression. It is a familiar.

And as we watch the hands of the clock move we watch life passing us if we are doing depression. We may feel guilty not getting out of bed because we are wasting the day. We may feel guilty of not living and enjoying life.

We sometimes put these things together. We want to escape life and go to sleep. I get that also.

The world can be a cold place. But it can also be a warm place. I live where there are a lot of car crashes. What do I see? I see people coming out of their houses and offer assistance. “Are you OK?” is a common question. People may bring bottles of water. Sometimes they will even pull people out of cars before a fire starts.

So, as hard as it may be to get out of bed on a chilly morning, you must force yourself to do that. In the same way, you must force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and face the world that can be cold. Because if you don’t, you will be missing out.

Yes, you can.

I ask you what will you miss out on if you don’t change? How will that feel? What will you gain When you do change? How will that feel? I urge you to push back the covers and face the coolness of the world, and make the first step toward finding comfort in an empowering alternative.

Yes, you can.

Coach Lisa.

www.facebook.com/coachLisa