So I have gone through this before, but I will go through it again. The “Why” of mass shootings is not that complicated. It is basic. There are four reasons and only four reasons for anything and everything.
THE PROBLEM:
There are four basic needs. These are what motivate us. The reason for any shooting is to fill the need for significance. This need is opposite the need for love and connection with others. Where there is a loss of connection with others, and the need for significance is great, we have violence.
The violence can take various forms. It can be a shooting, a stabbing, a fist fight, a bomb, running someone over with a car. Who knows?
The point is that when someone feels that they are being denied their need, they act out. This is the core reason for violence. It is not video games (but they probably do not help). It is not mental illness. It is not negative music (but it does not help). It is pure and simple the reaction to a sense of loss and power.
Don’t misunderstand. Wanting to feel significance is not a negative thing. I know it sounds that way, but it isn’t. We all want it. We just want it on different levels. For example, if you tell a joke, you want people to laugh, right? If they do, you get a sense of significance. You are funny. If they do not, then you feel a lack of significance. You are not funny.
The opposite need is love and connection to others. This is either being filled on a minimal level if at all. Certain people are so in desire for significance that they do not meet that need at all. Or the lack of that need being met triggers (so to speak) the violence.
Since there is a loss of connection with others, they don’t care what they do to others.
When children feel bullied or left out at school, they act out against their school mates. When people feel they are losing what is important to them, some few turn to mass shooting.
THE ANSWER:
The answer is that we need to help people, all people to feel connected. We need for them to feel they belong. We need for all to feel that they don’t have to give up what they cherish to others.
There have been a lot of changes especially in the last 20 years or so. Some have been very good. Some however, have helped others while hurting others. What most people don’t seem to understand is that when we give to others, we often take from others. You can’t always give rights to some without taking away rights from others.
Confused? Here is an example: the use of public bathrooms. Some people want bathrooms to be either for males only and for females only. But some people want to allow transgender individuals into the bathroom that responds to the gender with which they associate. So we can’t have it both ways, right? So someone loses. Someone has to not have the public bathrooms to their liking. One side wins and one side loses. See? And there are many other examples.
THE EL PASO CASE:
This is not about race and hate as much as it may seem. I guarantee it has more to do with too much loss. This has to do with a person who senses a lot of loss. They don’t have the city they used to have. There has been a lot of changes. They feel they have lost more than they have gained. They sense that they have had things taken away from them that they cherish.
It may or not be true, but what matters is this is their perception of what has happened. They perceive the loss. They feel pushed aside. They feel that society does not care about their needs. They feel that they have needs that are not being met. On top of that is a lack of connection with those who are perceived to have brought on this loss. Understand? In their mind, in their perception, if they can eliminate those who stole from them or those who received what was once theirs then the pendulum will swing back the other way. Equality will be brought back and fairness will be restored.
They are not alone. I see it everywhere. Lots and lots of people feel pushed aside. I won’t go into it here and now. But there is a great sense of loss. Many people sense that they have lost what they cherish. How they want things is either mostly gone or completely gone. It is not hopeless. It is a matter of listening to people. It is a matter of understanding people. Then come together and find the compromise. It comes down to love and connection.
I will see what can be done.
Love and connect.
Life coach Lisa
www.facebook.com/coachLisa
