April 2019 – Lisa Y coaching

When not to be strong

WHEN NOT TO BE STRONG…WHAT?

There are times to not be strong. Here is my story:

I tried very hard to help someone to have their dream come true. I was selling my business. My office manager had dreamed of having this sort of business. So, I helped her to finance the purchase. BIG MISTAKE.

She and her husband made the first payments as agreed in our written agreements. But then she said it was hard to make the payments. I did not believe that, but I went along with it. BIG MISTAKE.

She said they could only make partial payments. Well, I thought that perhaps they would only want a few months to adjust their finances. I was thinking it would be a temporary situation. You know the 6 months we think will be time to figure things out? Well, that is what I was thinking it would be. WRONG!

Two years the partial payments have lasted. And now, I am in financial turmoil. You see, I have had to dip into my life’s savings in order to survive. I know it is my fault. I should not have said OK to the partial payments. But I did out of the goodness of my heart and with the thought it would probably be a 6 month sacrifice not a two year sacrifice. I was trying to BE STRONG. I was trying to be strong for them. I was trying to help them to have time to get their finances in order.

THE LESSON FOR YOU:

Here is what I want others to learn from this. I was trying to be strong. I thought that by accepting the partial payments, I was helping them. And I was helping them, right?Their finances were gaining strength. But what I did was hurt me. I should have at some point in time, told them this is hurting me. “I can’t continue with the partial payments.”, is what I should have said say after the first 6 months. The longer I let this continue the worse the situation gets. At this point, I have virtually accepted the partial payments. Good luck now getting full payments on a note due two years ago.

The point is don’t be strong for others if it will hurt you. Don’t sacrifice your own level of living to help others. Don’t sacrifice your own peace of mind to help others. We have to look after our own well being first. There is nothing wrong with that. If you become in a situation where you are hurting yourself, don’t be strong and try to get through it by being tough. Speak up! Stand up for your rights and your needs. It’s OK.

Coach Lisa

Be a humane society

When a whole page of a newspaper is dedicated to dogs and cats needing homes, we are not a humane society. Allowing pets to breed without homes for them is wrong. Taking a pet into your home and changing your mind and getting rid of them is wrong. Not taking care of these pets or abusing them so that they are removed from a home is wrong.

There is no excuse in a civilized country to have a need for animal shelters. There should be a shortage of pets. There should be such a shortage that only the best people can have the privilege of having the loving companionship of a pet or two.

Not doing everything you need to do to keep your dog or cat safe is not OK. Having a dog run loose or a cat run loose and get hit and killed by a car is not OK. How hard is it to keep your pet safe? As long as our pets get out and are not safe, we are not a humane society. Look, I understand. Some dogs are escape artists. But you can take measures to keep them safe. If we were talking about
children getting out and getting kidnapped, assaulted, or hit by a car and killed, you would say that it was negligence on the part of the parents. An animal’s life is not less valuable than a human life. Protect your pets as you would a child.

So, neuter your pets. Don’t breed them. Breeding pets is not a way to make a living. It is leading to a surplus of pets. It brings pain and suffering to those that don’t get a home or get a bad home. And keep your pets safe. Keep them from being harmed.

Let us be a civilized and humane society.

Coach Lisa

What not to say to someone with depression

If you don’t understand depression, you may have the wrong idea about it. If you don’t understand depression, and someone you know needs help, you may try to help but may end up saying the wrong things.

Depression is not just feeling down. Depression is a sense of a loss of control or uncertainty. It is not a mood. I repeat, it is not a mood. It is not made better by listening to happy music. It is not made better by doing something fun. It is not a matter of simply choosing to be in a happy mood.

Depression is an action. It meets a need. It serves a purpose. If someone with depression expresses to you what is bringing on the action of depression, one of the worst things you can say is “We all have problems.” Another wrong or not helpful thing to say is, “You just have to keep moving on.” Another thing not to say is “Get over it”.

Any of those statements above would make the person with depression feel worse. On top of that, it would make them feel stupid. They would feel stupid because they realize they don’t fit in. They are different. They would also feel that you don’t understand. If you did understand, you would not say that. Any one of those statements would very likely cut off all communication. They would not want to talk anymore because you have minimized the situation. You have minimized their issue. It would take too much energy to explain it to you.

What to do? Listen. Let them say what they have to say. This will help them to sort it out. Try to understand what it is that is missing in their life. What is uncertain? What is out of their control? When you know that, then you can help to resolve the issue. You can then help them to replace the action of depression with a better action to meet the need.

Cheers. Coach Lisa