I know this is a little late. But I feel compelled to post about this. As a person who has done depressed, I understand this subject. I know what people who do depressed are going through. So here are my thoughts.
So, Kate Spade on the surface of things seemed to have it all, right? She built a great business. She had a husband, though separated, and a daughter. Even though she and her husband were separated, according to him they were still close. She was pretty and nothing about medical issues except for depression.
Summary: Pretty, seemed happy, in good health, had a loving husband and daughter, built a billion dollar business. She had seen a therapist for years. She was on medication. Committed suicide.
This can be very baffling to many people. This is not the person who one would think would commit suicide. Actually, most people would think she would be one of the last people to commit suicide.
So, she had so much going for her. But something was missing.
What was missing?
Understanding. No one understood.
I would guess that her therapist did not understand. I am sure the therapist listened. I am sure the therapist was well trained. I am sure the therapist cared. You can’t be a therapist without caring as it is very draining, but some of us do it because it is a calling.
I would guess that her husband and daughter did not understand. They certainly loved her and cared about her. But I don’t have any reason to believe that they understood.
Other family, friends, neighbors, any acquaintances did not understand.
I understand. I don’t understand suicide, but I do understand depression.
Many people who knew her probably say, well I knew she was depressed. I knew she was in therapy. So, this is a big shock. They may say I had no idea that she was this bad. She never said anything. There were no signs.
Signs.
There were probably lots of signs. People who do depressed make all sorts of signs. It can be a comment here and a comment there. Maybe it is in person. Maybe it is on social media like Facebook. They make a comment that makes you pause. It sounds off. But you dismiss it. It’s normal. You really think the person is just having a bad moment. Your friend or loved one wouldn’t hurt themselves.
Another thing that is missing is response to cries for help.
These comments are cries for help. I know someone who has made numerous comments on Facebook. She does this for understanding, compassion. LISTEN to me. And nothing there is no response. And it becomes amusing to her in a way. She puts put numerous cries out for help and gets NOTHING… nothing. Why? Why is there no response?
Sometimes they get annoying, right?
When someone seems to have a “bad” attitude all the time looking at the negative side of things all the time, it is really annoying. You don’t want to deal with that negative energy. You may think, I care about you, but I can’t deal with your negative energy. Hey, that is understandable. People who are sad or negative all the time are draining.
Do depression: So, you may be wondering why I say DO depression rather than ARE depressed. Well, depression is something people do. There are 4 survival needs. One is certainty. Depression, though possibly made worse through chemical imbalances, is brought on by the lack of certainty. There is some loss of control in their life. Suicide goes hand in hand with apathy. That feeling of I don’t care builds up. Apathy is a form of control that thing that is missing. It is one’s decision to do apathy. And apathy builds up until it leads to suicide.
Depression is a comforting thing for some people. This is something even the most educated and trained therapist may not truly understand. It takes having done depression to really understand.
One can’t get out of depression until it stops working for them. It fills a need. It is a habit that needs to be broken, and replaced by something else. They need an empowering alternative. This is something that will meet this need on a higher level. And part of this is creating stronger love and connection with others. This includes sharing/intimacy and bonding/oneness with others.
Summary: What people like Kate Spade need.
Understanding. They need to be talking to someone who understands.
Response. They need someone to respond to those “negative” comments and that “negative” attitude.
Empowering Alternative. Something to do instead of depression.
What can you do?
Well, you can’t understand unless you have “been there”. You can pay attention. Those odd comments, that negative attitude they are cries for help. Respond at least enough to let them know you are listening. And lead them to the right therapist or counselor for them. And be there for support. Encourage them in their effort to change that bad habit and fill their life with some empowering alternative.
Cheers!
Coach
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach