A woman I know said she does not like looking in the mirror. Her friend said it was a self esteem issue. That if the woman liked herself better she would like what she sees. And you can always change things. You can change your hair. Women can wear make up or do their make up differently. You can have dental work done. And if you want you can do a face lift or some other plastic surgery.
I initially agreed with that it was self esteem. This woman does not have very high self esteem. People with a positive sense of self either like what they see or they don’t care what they look like. Some with an inflated positive sense of self think they look good even when they are not having a good day.
The more I thought about it I got another thought. Some people, like the woman who does not like how she looks, actually have high expectations. She wants to look a certain way. And she does not look the way she wants. This woman does not want to look like a movie star. She does not base her desired look on glamour magazines. She has a very specific idea of how she wants to look.
Is it self esteem or high expectations? It is hard to know what is true for any one person until you get to know them a little better.
Many people seem to have low self esteem. But maybe it is high expectations for a part of their life not being met instead. Maybe it is not having a relationship. Maybe it is not having a good career or a career they enjoy. Maybe it is not being able to buy a house. Maybe it is not having children.
Most of us make goals in our late teens and early 20s. We know exactly how we want our lives to go. Some people seem to make their plans work out without difficulty. Others seem to be able to only make some things work out. And then there are the unfortunate ones who can’t seem to make anything work out. Not creating the life we want can cause self esteem issues. But once again, it may be more high expectations that are too high to meet.
It is funny. I remember when I was in college my best friend and I were hanging out at the mall. We were in a very nice department store. My friend said to me that this is the sort of store she would love to have her career take her. As I recall, her idea was to be a buyer or something. To me, that business was where one started. I was thinking more on the lines of retail clerk. The point is we saw the same business very differently. One saw it as a start the other the destination. It is all about expectations, right?
High expectations are very good. They can be very good motivators. It is good to set a goal. But you don’t want to set the bar to high. Goals need to be reachable. Then when you meet that goal go ahead and raise that bar if you want. But just don’t get caught up in some sort of unrealistic goal. If your expectations are too high, there is too much disappointment if you don’t reach it, or in the effort to meet that goal you lose sight of everything and life gets out of balance.
As for the woman who did not like her looks, when she realized it was high expectations she did not hate what she saw. She actually smiled and thought much better about herself.
If you feel as if you have low self esteem, take another look. Is is self esteem or is is high expectations? Did you set your bar too high? There is nothing wrong with high expectations. Just remember to set reasonable goals then raise the bar.
I hope that helps.
If you need help sorting it out, you know where to find me. www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Cheers!
Coach