Month: November 2017

Is is a self esteem issue or something else?

A woman I know said she does not like looking in the mirror. Her friend said it was a self esteem issue. That if the woman liked herself better she would like what she sees. And you can always change things. You can change your hair. Women can wear make up or do their make up differently. You can have dental work done. And if you want you can do a face lift or some other plastic surgery.

I initially agreed with that it was self esteem. This woman does not have very high self esteem. People with a positive sense of self either like what they see or they don’t care what they look like. Some with an inflated positive sense of self think they look good even when they are not having a good day.

The more I thought about it I got another thought. Some people, like the woman who does not like how she looks, actually have high expectations. She wants to look a certain way. And she does not look the way she wants. This woman does not want to look like a movie star. She does not base her desired look on glamour magazines. She has a very specific idea of how she wants to look.

Is it self esteem or high expectations? It is hard to know what is true for any one person until you get to know them a little better.

Many people seem to have low self esteem.  But maybe it is high expectations for  a part of their life not being met instead. Maybe it is not having a relationship. Maybe it is not having a good career or a career they enjoy. Maybe it is not being able to buy a house. Maybe it is not having children.

Most of us make goals in our late teens and early 20s. We know exactly how we want our lives to go. Some people seem to make their plans work out without difficulty. Others seem to be able to only make some things work out. And then there are the unfortunate ones who can’t seem to make anything work out. Not creating the life we want can cause self esteem issues. But once again, it may be more high expectations that are too high to meet.

It is funny. I remember when I was in college my best friend and I were hanging out at the mall. We were in a very nice department store. My friend said to me that this is the sort of store she would love to have her career take her. As I recall, her idea was to be a buyer or something. To me, that business was where one started. I was thinking more on the lines of retail clerk. The point is we saw the same business very differently. One saw it as a start the other the destination. It is all about expectations, right?

High expectations are very good. They can be very good motivators. It is good to set a goal. But you don’t want to set the bar to high. Goals need to be reachable. Then when you meet that goal go ahead and raise that bar if you want. But just don’t get caught up in some sort of unrealistic goal. If your expectations are too high, there is too much disappointment if you don’t reach it, or in the effort to meet that goal you lose sight of everything and life gets out of balance.

As for the woman who did not like her looks, when she realized it was high expectations she did not hate what she saw. She actually smiled and thought much better about herself.

If you feel as if you have low self esteem, take another look. Is is self esteem or is is high expectations? Did you set your bar too high? There is nothing wrong with high expectations. Just remember to set reasonable goals then raise the bar.

I hope that helps.

If you need help sorting it out, you know where to find me. www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Cheers!

Coach

Looking in the mirror and reflection

I love mirrors. 

There are generally two reasons for loving mirrors:

A) Because you like looking at yourself.

B) They make a room seem  bigger.

My reason is definitely not A. I guess B is the closer answer.

But I think my reason is deeper than that. 

I reflect on life all day long. I am inspired every day to some deep pondering question. When I think I have something that may inspire, I either make a quick post on my Facebook page (www. facebook.com/lisaylifecoach) or I make a post on my blogs. Mirrors reflect that I am reflective. I am reflective of just about everything.

The thing is that I don’t like looking in the mirrors.

I look into them as needed to brush my hair or check my clothes before leaving the house etc. Someone said that if you don’t like what you see it is a self-image issue. That got me reflecting on this.

The question I have for you today is: Do you love yourself? Why or why not? And the followup question is: How can you love yourself more today?

My answers: I like the person I have become. I am kind. I am caring. I am considerate. How I can love myself more would be to accept that I can’t change the world. I do the best I can. You can’t get through to everyone. On the other hand you can help in the most amazing ways. Yesterday, I made one comment on Facebook, and I made a whole office of people happy. That made me feel better about my day.

I want you to look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Are you the person you want to be? Are you at your highest self? I know people who come close, but most of us aren’t.   And it is OK if we aren’t.

The person who said not liking the image in the mirror was a self image issue also said those things you don’t like can be changed. If you are happy with who you are, good for you! But if you are not happy, then you can make changes.

If that is what you want, then you have to answer this: What is your ideal self? What does it mean to be at your highest self?

I will let you reflect on that.

Cheers!

Coach

 

Why you should fold your hands in prayer

Why do people fold their hands in prayer? I don’t know. It is a very old custom. I don’t know why people do it, but I know why you should.

There is energy in the world. Different people call it different things. There is also different types of energy. I am talking about the God energy. I am talking about the energy that you pray to.

Energy comes into us through our left hand. It goes through us and exits through the right hand. Some people like to pray holding hands. Some believe that the best way to do this is left hand up and right hand down. This is remembered with the saying, “If it were left up to me, we would get right down to it”.  If you focus your attention of energy when you hold hands in a prayer circle you can feel it. Now, if you are alone, you can have that same circle of energy by holding your hands together. Some people hold their hands with the fingers extended and they make a triangle. Some people hold their hands with the fingers interlocked in a more fist like position. It does not matter how they are as long as the hands touch. What is important is that the two hands touch in order to create that circle of energy.

So the next time you pray and you are alone unite your hands for the circle of energy. When you pray alone, fold your hands and you will feel that energy. To me, it just makes it more powerful.

Cheers!

Coach.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Your Obituary

Have you ever wondered what your obituary will say? I have. I have been fascinated by death since I was 16. Since then I have wondered who would be sad. I wondered who would miss me.

An obituary reflects your life. It reflects your family relations. It reflects your work. It reflects your activities. Who ever writes them emphasizes your good side and ignores your not so good qualities. We all seem to look like saints, right? You can take a career criminal and say he was good to his family.

It is funny after people die. More often than not people can think of all the good you had in you and all the good you did. We don’t normally say bad things about the dead. We do this to preserve the good memories.

The question is what will your obituary say?

When it talks about your relationships with others who will or will not be there? When it talks about your activities what will it say? Will there be fun trips and adventures? What about your work? Will it say you did what you loved? Will your obituary reflect a life lived the way you wanted? Will it reflect the person you want to be?

Maybe you are living the life you want. Maybe you are living a great life. Good for you! But if you look at your life and say I am not happy with this or that, then perhaps it is time to make that change.

I have learned to understand the concept of having no regrets. We make the decisions that are right for us at the time. But things change. What was right for us at one time may not be right for us now. Sometimes we do things at one time when we really did not have options. But then  after some time we grow and mature and a decision we made some time ago may be working for us now. If this is true for you, then it is time to “kill” what is not working for you anymore and create an alternative to meet that goal or need on a higher level.

Things have to be constantly destroyed in order to make room for something new to come into your life. Life is like a river and it needs to be free to move. Life a river our lives cannot move if it has dams.

So,  take a look at your life. Will your obituary reflect the life you want it to or not? If not, make the change.

If you do “kill” some things that no longer work for you, think of this not as an end but as a beginning. 

You can’t die if you don’t live.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

How do you wish to express yourself?

As you move toward the end of your year and look forward to the future, the question to ask is not “What should I do?” but rather, “How do I wish to express myself?”
You see, this year many of you had very long to-do lists. You knew you had things on your agenda and you didn’t want to miss anything.

This year is now drawing to a close. This is a time for you to reorient yourselves for the next year and understand that the new focus is all about how you wish to be, and what you wish to experience.

Things are always changing, and you are want to be ready for the new year. You need to release the fear of missing something or making mistakes because not only are you mindful, you are starting to recognize that the true value is in experience and self expression.

This is also profoundly important because it is time to make the shift away from martyred service to joyful service. It is about navigating by preference, playing in unprecedented energies, and co-creating and making a difference as you go, and that, friends, is exactly what your souls have been aiming for all along.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lsaylifecoach

You deserve help

I know a woman in her 30s who tells me she is homeless and hungry. She told me the other night that she was cold and was headed to the 7 11 to beg for money for food.

Before I continue, I would like to say that she comes from what used to be a very close family. Her parents live in the most exclusive neighborhood in Orange County, CA. Her downfall is Heroine. She has been to jail a few times.  She has been to rehab a few times. She has been in one of the best in the state. Her parents have paid for this rehab. One month at one was $30,000. Between you and me I don’t think one month is enough. I think it takes months of rehab to have it stick.

I have tried to counsel her. She has a cell phone and we communicate on messenger. Having a cell phone may make you think she is not homeless. But I believe it because I was told she was a year ago. I said her parents would be there for her. She said they are “tired”. They take care of her 2 year old child, and have gone through so much with her. She said they would not offer help and if they did she would not accept it.

I suggested that she has friends who will help her. Maybe they could get her a job and a place to crash. I know a year ago that is what she was doing. She was working at a friend’s business here and there and “couch surfing.” But she says she does not have any friends. Either she is lying, a strong possibility, or she does not want to accept any more “charity” from friends.

No matter what I say she really denies herself assistance. This is so baffling to me. I have never been one to ask for help. But when I have really needed it, I asked. There is a sense of being weak sometimes when you ask for help. Sometimes people feel they should be independent. But we all need someone to lean on from time to time.

We should never feel we do not deserve help. If we are homeless, a junkie, or just trying to make it through an ordinary tough time. We are all human beings. It does not make you weak. Actually, asking for help takes strength. So. if you need help, reach out and ask. It is OK.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

If life were fair

One of the biggest complaints in life is very general, life isn’t fair. This is actually very frustrating. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. The system protects the criminals not the victims. You follow the rules and sometimes wonder why because you see those who don’t getting away with breaking the rules. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

You get instructions on how to do something. You follow the steps to the letter and nothing. Someone else puts in a little effort and are very successful. And you wonder what you did wrong. That happened to me. I tried years and years ago to sell products online. This is when this was very new. I followed the instructions to a “T”. I made $0. Other people were making money. Why not me?

Have you ever told someone you want to accomplish something or have a problem, and they tell you the most obvious answer as if you never thought of that? I have. It happened to me just the other day. The man who I turned to help said, ” why don’t you just ____?”. Duh! That is what I am trying to do, but need help. That is why I went to him. But I am having trouble with it because life is not fair.

If  life were fair, it would be a very different world. It would be a much kinder world. The good in world would be rewarded. The bad would be punished. It would not be so hard. People would not have as much discouragement in world. If it were up to me, life would be fair. But it isn’t up to me.

But we should not let the unfairness of the world discourage us. Sometimes we have to make our own luck. We have to understand what we want, what we really want. It may not be what you think. You have to understand what motivates you. With that information, you can try to equal the out the fairness factor in life.

So, the question I have today for you is how would you fill in this blank?

If life were fair _______?

I have a post on my facebook page if you would like to contribute an answer. You can find it at www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Cheers!

Coach

New Contest

Hey~

So, I have a new contest going. Be the first to figure out what the following image means and you will win $500. The image is:

5:23

For clues, go to www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach and find the post. Comments and questions will lead to the answer. So, find the post, like share and comment with your thought or question.

Come on! It is fun!

Good Luck!

If you are a personal friend you are not eligible to win, but play along to create clues. Maybe even misleading clues.

Coach

 

Is it Karma or is it life?

The concept of karma has really grown over the last 10 years or so. But there is a lot of misconception about it.

The idea most people have is do good get good and do bad get bad. In other words, when we are nice and kind good things happen to us.  And when we are mean bad things happen to us. But that isn’t karma. Think about it. That does not answer the age old question of why bad things happen to good people and why good things happen to bad people. 

Hmm…

The answer to that is quite simple actually. Because the good and bad things in life are not related to karma.

That’s life. We are here to learn and to grow.

Sometimes things go well in life. Most of us think we deserve these good things in life. So we accept them as *rewards* for being good people. Some people accept these *rewards* because they feel entitled to them no matter what. Whatever our reason for accepting these good things in life we accept them without question. Have you ever asked, “What did I do to deserve this good thing”?

Sometimes things go poorly in life. Most of us think we don’t deserve these bad things in life. We think of them as *punishment*. How many times have you asked, “What did I do to deserve this bad thing”? I have a hard time imagining anyone who has not done this many times in a lifetime. I have. We don’t usually think we have done anything to deserve this bad thing. We are good people.

This is life. It has up times and down times. And it is all part of the process of learning and growing. Sometimes the lessons are easy and sometimes they are hard.  It has nothing to do with karma. I repeat this is not karma. It is life and the lessons we need to learn. We all have pretty much the same lessons to learn. We don’t learn the same way. So, some of us learn the lesson one way and some another way and some an entirely different way. There are probably as many ways to learn a lesson as there are people.

And this is why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. And it can be very frustrating. I know someone who is definitely on the naughty list, but good things happen to this person, and it drives me nuts. I don’t like that good things happen to someone who has hurt others terribly. But this person also needs these good things to get their life back on track. And I know that this person has a long life ahead (I would estimate the next 20 years) working to fix the damage he caused. And that is not something I would want. (Remember to see the whole picture).

Now if you want clarity on karma here it is.

The 12 laws of karma:

One.  The Great Law: What you put into the Universe will come back to us.

Two. Law of Creation: Life doesn’t  happen by itself. We have to make it happen.

Three. Law of Humility: One must accept something in order to change it.

Four. Law of Growth: When we change ourselves our lives change too.

Five. Law of Responsibility: We must take responsibility for what is in our lives.

Six. Law of Connection: The past, present, and future are all connected.

Seven. Law of Focus: We cannot think of two different tings at the same time.

Eight. Law of Giving/Hospitality: Behavior should match our thoughts & actions.

Nine. Law of Here & Now: One cannot be present if they are looking backward.

Ten. Law of Change: History repeats until we learn from it & change our path.

Eleven. Law of Patience & Reward: The most valuable rewards require persistence.

Twelve. Law of Significance & Inspiration: Rewards are a direct result of the energy and effort we put into the world.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

What is your body saying?

Do you have any aches or pains?

I am a firm believer that our body aches and pains have a deeper meaning. Sure, you kick the door with your toe, hit the edge of the bed with your shin, or get hit by a ball playing a sport and you hurt that is pain from injury and that is a different thing. What I am talking about here are symptoms not directly related to an obvious injury.

It all about energy.

It has to do with too much energy being directed to an area. When we want certain things in life, we concentrate on that thing coming into our life. Just thinking about a thing creates the energy in you. This energy builds up. After some time, the energy builds up, and it forms a sort of traffic jam in the body. This blocked energy causes pain and other issues.

It is sort of like when a body *has too much* calcium. Your body will give symptoms of having too much calcium by having calcium deposits for example. But it isn’t that your body has too much calcium it has too little. You are not taking in enough calcium so your body creates more on its own. Then you get a build up.

Let me go over a few examples: 

Eyesight issues:   I, do you see it now? I.   If you have eyesight problems, it may have something to do with wanting to feel important. Maybe you feel insignificant. It may have something to do with needing to look at yourself. The reason for the eyesight issues varies from person to person. Only you know your reason. But here is what happened. You thought *I* this and *I* that. This brought *I* energy to your eyes. The energy has built up and now there is an energy jam. This slows down the muscles of the eyes. Your ability to focus has been compromised.

Back issues:  You don’t feel backed. There is no one to be supportive. Or you want to be supported more than you are. So you concentrate on getting backed. This brought *backing* energy to your back. And now you have an abundance of *backing* energy in your life. This energy is now in an energy jam. Your back does not move freely. The muscles are crammed full of energy making them cramp up.

Knee issues:  You feel a need for something. You need a job. You need someone. You need help. You think about this need. Now you have attracted kneed energy. Have you ever seen that before… need and knee? Anyway, just like the other issues, your need energy has built up and now there is a need energy jam. The energy is blocked and there is pain. Your flexibility is blocked.

Foot issues:  It depends on the issue, but the feet are the end of the line. Your feet are an exit point for energy. So, there is a build up of energy that slowly runs through the body. It ends up in your ankles. It ends up in your toes. So, ankle pain and foot issues can be from an abundance of energy ending up there. This energy can get jammed up in the ankles making them stiff. This energy can get jammed up in the toes causing bunions and arch issues.

What to do?

Step one is to diagnose the symptom. For example, knee issues what do you need?

Step two is to realize that you have brought a lot of need energy into your life.

Step three is to release the excess energy from the affected area. Knee issues, release the excess energy through meditation. Visualize the excess energy becoming unblocked and moving through the body to an exit point. Use self-hypnosis to allow your subconscious to go to work on this for you. Tell your subconscious it is Okay to let this excess energy leave.

Step four is to visualize healing energy coming in. If something like Epsom salts would be helpful for example to reduce inflammation, then visualize Epsom salts surrounding the affected area. Do not put on braces. These only cut off energy. They will only add to the energy jam. If is helpful to apply heat. Heat will open up the path of energy and help it to move. 

Step five is to find a better way of getting what you seek. In our knee issues example, ask what do you need? Hint: this would be one of the four survival needs I have discussed previously. Now, find a way to meet this need on a higher level. In our knee issues example, it may mean finding a way to get what you need through your own means or through means you have not tried before. It could mean going out of your comfort zone.

In summary: You can bring what you want into your life. Your physical symptoms are a testament to that. But there are better ways of bringing this energy into your life than debilitating physical energies.

I hope this helps. If you want help with this, let me know.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach