Month: August 2017

Glass house… don’t throw stones.

It is interesting to me when it is hard for people to see their own faults.

People are quick to see actions others do that is not “Godly”, but can’t seem to see it in their own self. Somehow when we do something as an individual it is on a small scale so it seems insignificant.

Things I have seen:

A person desperately depressed and going down hill fast. This person reaching out to the people this person knows and letting them know how bad off this person really is and nothing. There was no response. Not one person even attempted to console.

A person trying to start a business. Seeking the help of the people this person knows to spread the word. This person was so confident it would happen. But even after several attempts to get cooperation from the people this person  knows there was no support. Not one person was willing to help.

A person who went out of their way to help others to have their dream come true. This person made the mistake of lending money. And now the payments only trickle back. This person  is now hurting financially, and no one goes out of their way to catch up on the payments. One person just lives on what money was left over.

“Godly”? 

Were the people who did not console, did not support or did not make the loan payments Godly? I say not. If your family or friends need help and you do nothing, I say that is not Godly.

If you look the other way to a stranger in need, that is not Godly, but there is only so many you can help. That is understandable. But when it is family or a friend and you don’t do even the minimal that you can do to help, that is different.

A Godly person would  console the person who was down and out.

A Godly person would have helped the person spread the news about their business.

A Godly person would go out of their way to honor an agreement.

Glass house.

If you live in a glass house, don’t throw rocks. Who have you ignored? Who needed you and you were not there? Who did you let cry? Who did you let sink? Whose hand did you not hold? Who did you give up on? If you did this just once, you were not “Godly”.

None of us are without sin.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. We are all doing the best that we can. We all overlook the need in society. Or more, we can’t help society as a whole. But we can help our family, friends and neighbors. When we see that other person needs a hand up, if we can, we must.

We can’t let the people in our lives struggle. We may not always do much. But you can always console someone, be supportive, or be considerate and kind.

Be aware. The need is not always so obvious. Look for the signs that someone needs help even if they are not saying they need help.

Answer. If someone asks for help, don’t look away. Don’t wait for someone else to to help. If nothing else listen, be supportive and console.

Get help. If someone needs help, and you can only do so much, help them to find someone who can do more than you. I think that it is best to not worry about the world as a whole. We need to take care of our piece of it. If we all take care of helping our friends, family and neighbors, then the world will be taken care of.

To do otherwise is not being “Godly”.

We all miss the opportunity to help. We all do the best we can.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

 

 

Two Clients

Hello~

I wanted to share some feedback I have received.

Kathleen

Kathleen was a  woman I helped in 2013. We have kept in touch over the years. Friday night I heard from her, and this is a highlight of what she said:

“One time, you sat me down and told me that I set the tone for the whole office. I’ve been running a summer camp and  can see my mood affecting the employees and the kids too. You were really right so I remembered it today. … you had some wise gems. … Thank you for your kind words. I used to think I did a terrible job at everything. … You were good to me and I enjoyed working with you. I consider you a friend. I wish I had been happier and more mature at that time of my life but hey I wasn’t.”

Kathleen was 25 at the time. She was one of the most amazing women I have ever met. Right out of college she became an office manager and had to organize and manage the cleaning jobs of 22 house cleaners. She was the model of efficiency. Phone skills, computer skills and customer service she excelled. She is bi lingual which came in handy working with mostly Mexican women few of which spoke much English. To top it off, when she had a better way of streamlining the way the office ran she took it upon herself to change the entire office system over. Even her last two weeks on the job, (she moved away) she made sure everything was in perfect condition before she left.

She is intelligent, charming, charismatic, and uplifting. She is very fun. Why she was beating her self up was baffling.  This incredible woman had such low self-esteem. So, we worked on that. We got her to allow herself to let the past go and stop defining herself by her relationship status. One of the things we did was to get her out of a very bad relationship. We worked on her motivators. When we uncovered what was truly important to her, she could see the amazing person she really is.

Today, she is well adjusted. She now accepts that she is an amazing person. She is happy now, and thriving in a new environment. Way to go Kathleen! I am so happy for you. And it pleases me so much that she still remembers the things I said to her years ago.

Jo

Jo is a new client. We have only had two meetings. Jo is very sad and overwhelmed with life. She is 44. She is single. She is very sensitive and shy. She has few friends and no family to turn to for help.

She reached out to her few friends, but they don’t respond. She said to me it is like shouting into a canyon and not hearing an echo. “It is like my voice gets lost in space.” 

My heart goes out to this woman. She is one of those who is so kind to others, but seems somewhat invisible to them. It is hard for her to understand why no one responds to her need of an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. Not knowing which way to turn, she reached out to me.

So far, she has mostly just talked and I listened. But what she said to me I want to share:

“I really appreciate just having someone to listen. It clears my head, and I don’t feel so bad. I used to feel like Atlas holding up the world, and now I have released that burden and now sit on top enjoying the view. It isn’t that I am on top of the world happy, but I able to see opportunities. I still have a long way to go, but I feel hopeful.”

What a turn around in only two sessions. This is what happens when you learn what motivates you. Everything becomes so clear. Jo is not happy by any means, but now she has a better idea of what makes her so unhappy. She has learned to let go of the burdens she does not need to have.

You can’t lose pain over night. Pain such as Jo and Kathleen had grew over many years. You can remove that which causes the pain, but you still need to heal. It is sort of like surgery. You remove what ails you, but the pain lingers for awhile.

I look forward to helping Jo heal and get better.

So, I just wanted to share this with you. To know that you said some small thing to someone like I did with Kathleen that it made a big impression with them makes one feel very good. I don’t even remember saying what I said. And that is how it is with helping others. You can say one simple thing and it can change a life.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

How are you perceived?

We have a self image. In our hearts and minds we perceive ourselves a certain way. How we look, how we act, how we talk, and how we treat others are some of the things we think about. But does the world see us the same way?

You answer may be I don’t care what people think. This question is not about getting *approval* from the world. This question is does the world see you the way you see yourself?

Perception is reality.

Some examples:

Some people think they are really good at their work. But some of them are fair at their work. They would be really surprised at what their boss really thinks.

Some people are really understanding and nonjudgmental. But other people see them as critical and not accepting of certain behavior. Others would be surprised that these people are understanding and really don’t think much of what others do.

Some people are really intense and stress out a lot. But they are perceived as fun and easy going because that is the image they put forth into the world. It can be really surprising when you see the real personality.

Confused about how others treat you?

If you are a certain way and people seem to act contrary to what you expect, there may be a perception issue. It may be that others are perceiving you in a way that is not true to you.

It isn’t that you are purposely giving the wrong perception. It is more that people are misinterpreting your perception.

What to do?

If you think you are misunderstood, ask family and friends. Give them an example of a time when you were really baffled by someones  action or reaction to you. And then ask why. Ask why do you think they acted that way.

Your family and friends can pin point the way you come off to others. I know it may hurt a little. You may not like what you hear. But it is important to understand how you are perceived by others. Maybe you need to make an adjustment on how you present yourself. You don’t have to change who you are, but maybe how you say or do things just a tad.

The result is that you can be better understood. People will baffle you less by not acting contrary to what you expect.

If family and friends don’t help, you know where to find me.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Charlotte’s Web

The reading list

A few months ago I committed to reading one book a month when I saw an article about the top 75 books of the last 75 years. This was a big commitment as I was not reading books before. I did not think that I had the attention span  to read. But I am doing especially well. I actually have two books going at once. I read a book from the list and a second book. I found a bunch of free books and have them in my ever growing library.

I just finished book number 7: Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White.

I was surprised that a book for children was on the list. But after reading it, I get it. What a wonderful story.

Do you know the story?

I don’t want to ruin it for you. But in a nutshell it is a story about friends. It is about caring for others even though they are different. It is about coming together to help each other. It is about the big difference we can make in the life of another. Charlotte was a small spider with a heart of gold. There was not much a spider could do, but she did what she did best and helped her friend.

We all want to make a difference in the world. Sometimes we think we have nothing to offer. Wrong! 

Charlotte was a spider who helped a friend. Not only that, but she gave love and friendship. All it took was a small gesture to make all the difference in the world to her friend. Most of us don’t have the fame to have a huge influence on the world. But just like Charlotte we can help one. And to that one will treasure that act of kindness always. If we all made the difference for just one, think of how the world would change.

As for Charlotte, her legacy will live on. Her goodness and kindness will be passed on to her children and grandchildren for generations.

Challenge.

Find that one thing that you do so well that you can do to help just one other and do it. Do it for you. Do it because it is the *right* thing to do. Let the feeling of love and peace you feel from your actions wash over you. Don’t try to change the entire world. Just make the difference for one.

Charlotte’s Web: Lucky book number 7.

I have not agreed with all the other books on the list. Frankly, this is my favorite so far. I don’t know what that says about me. I guess it means I enjoy a simple story of love, kindness and friendship. This book touched my heart from start to end.

Frankly, I can’t remember reading this as a child. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Regardless, I just finished reading it. Like most stories for children as adults we get more out of a story as adults because we get the deeper messages. If you have not read it lately, I highly recommend you give it a try. It is sure to inspire.

Peace.

Coach.

Hey, let me know your thoughts on Charlotte’s Web. What did it inspire?

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passion and achievement

What are you passionate about?

It seems to me that our passions in life are what make life worth living. If we did not have passion, what would fill our hearts?

Do you make the most of your passion?

If it gives you joy, you need to make it a big part of your life. Preferably, your passion should be your life’s work. If that is not possible for you, then at least make it a hobby.

Which leads to this question: What are the achievements you are most proud of?

It seems to me that your greatest achievements should have something to do with your passion. Your heart leads you in your passion. It is that one thing that you do without feeling like you *have to*. You do it because it gives you joy. It should be something you do for fun. It isn’t something you put off doing.

Are you living your passion?

If yes, good for you! If not, why? Is it because you don’t have time? Is it because you don’t know how? If not, you may want to take a few moments to think about it. Life is meant to be enjoyed. And enjoying your passion, listening to your heart is a big part of that.

Peace.

Coach

Let me know how you are doing with this.

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When you don’t have friends

Do you have friends you can count on?

Sometimes there is no one to turn to when you are in need. There are several reasons for this.

It is embarrassing. Sometimes people have something going on in their life and they are embarrassed. They may feel they are weird. Who does that? They may feel stupid because they don’t understand the situation. They feel no one else will understand or others will judge.

It is shameful. They think their situation is a disgrace. They feel less than others. They feel less than others. Who could do that? How did I get this way? How did it happen? Again, they don’t want to talk to friends about it because of the fear of judgment.

It is long term. People have heard about this for so long they are tired of listening. They think you are nothing but a complainer. They want you to get over it already. Move on is the answer, but for you that is easier said than done.

You are private. Some people for whatever reason just don’t like to talk to other people. They keep their business to themselves.

You have few friends.  Some people have very few friends. They are shy. They don’t socialize. They lack a support system.

Whatever the reason may be if you have something eating at you and you have no friends to help you, you know you can count on me.

If feel you can’t reach out to the people in your life or if you have and get no response, please don’t be alone. When people try to deal with things on their own, the issue seems a lot worse than it really is. Other people have a way of looking at things in a brighter way. Sure, things may not be 100%, but they are probably not as bad as you think. And talking about it really helps a lot. Sometimes it takes a simple conversation to clear your head. The next conversation, you come up with a plan. The next few conversations you put the plan to turn things around into motion and adjust the plan to fix any bugs in the plan.

Like all coaches I have a great deal of empathy. Frankly, I have done things that are embarrassing, things that I felt ashamed of, and have had long term issues in my life. Who hasn’t? I have felt weird. I have, at times, wondered if I am the only human being to feel *this* way. Who hasn’t? You have no idea what I have experienced. And experience is a great teacher. I really doubt there is anything you could tell me that would have me think you are a bad person. You don’t know the people in my life who most people would think bad things about, but who I still love, admire and respect.

So, don’t be alone. If you don’t have friends you can reach out to, if you need to talk, find a coach. A nice thing about coaches is that they don’t know you so they do not pre-judge. They don’t know anything about you. That makes them very open to you and thoughts.  I would love to be your coach. But if not me, find a coach. Just don’t be alone.

Take care!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach.

 

 

 

Big Brother and You

I love Big Brother. As a coach, I am fascinated by how people play. I love watching the interaction between players. Some people say it is only a game, but I disagree. Big Brother is life. These people represent us. They represent the good, the bad and everything in between. Although we are not competing for $500,000, we all have desires to get ahead. We all have alliances. We all trust the wrong people. We all know better then don’t listen to our gut, intuition. We want to fit in. There are leaders, and there are followers.

Just like in life when we look at someone else’s life we can clearly see what people are doing right in their life and what they are doing wrong. We have a harder time looking at our own life. We can’t easily see when we are trusting the wrong person. We can’t see when we did not try hard enough. We can’t see when we are going down the wrong path. We can’t see when we are going down the right path. We can’t see how we are hurting others or when we are being unfair and judgmental and rush to the wrong conclusions.

The biggest thing to me about Big Brother is our reaction to the players. What most people do not understand is their strong feeling about a player is that strong feeling relates to them. If you really like or don’t like someone, why is that? The reason is that it represents something in you.

If you see someone be a bully and you hate that, then you have either been bullied or you bully people too. Now, I am not talking about the bully who steals someone’s lunch money. I am talking about the bully who does any sort of annoying action to manipulate others.  If you see someone be a bully and you think they are entertaining, what does that mean? Well, you like to be in control of a situation. You like to manipulate others.

What if you have strong feelings when you see a player cry? If it turns you off, it could be that you are too sensitive. Maybe you cry easily and don’t like that about you. If you feel for that person, maybe you were hurt a lot growing up and others made you cry. You know how that person feels. If you think it is funny, well, maybe you feel crying is a weakness and you know you are stronger than that.

What if a player seems to have everything go his/her way? Does that make you feel envious? Does it make you think life is unfair? Does it make you wonder why some people seem to win and win? Do you think some people get all the breaks? Or do you cheer that person on because you can relate? You think that person knows what he/she wants and they go for. That person is not a freeloader. They are a player.

Learn something about you.

Watching Big Brother is fun! It is entertainment. It is filled with twists and turns. It is also a great opportunity to learn something about you. When you love/hate a player, wonder why. Wonder what that player represents in you. Big Brother is a great mirror. What do you see in the reflection?

And pay attention to the comments. If you see a comment with an opposite view point than you, wonder why. Wonder how they can see things so differently. Why? Because a different point of view is directed toward you. They might as well be talking to you directly. It can be very beneficial.

Want to make a change?

I hope that watching Big Brother will help you to know you better. If you find some emotions disturbing, that is normal and healthy. It says you are open to meeting your needs as a person on a different, higher level. It also means you know what characteristics you would like to emphasize and which ones you would like to down size.

There aren’t any good or bad characteristics. No matter what you discover about you this summer watching Big Brother, you simply learn what works and what does not work for you. Maybe there are some things to change so you can be the person you want to be.

Need help? You know where to find me.

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Are you being true to yourself?

Are you being true to yourself?

When we let our values slide, we are not being true to ourselves. We are not valuing our own self. How? Well, we are minimizing our own value. We are short changing ourselves. We are not living up to the full potential of who we are a person.

What are your values? 

You have some general idea no doubt of the person you are. But can you really define your values. Before you can be true to your self you need to have a refresher course on what your values are.

Make a list of three things in each of the following topics:

Family. Friends. Health. Romantic relationships.  Sex. Spirituality. Work.

Are you being true to them?

It isn’t always easy to stick up to your values. Sometimes sticking up to your values goes against the the crowd. Sometimes sticking up to your values takes a lot of time and energy. Sometimes we just get so wrapped up in every day life we forget what our  values are.

When we are not true to out values, we get nervous. We feel out of sorts. We feel we are not living life to its true potential. We feel something is missing.

Living up to your values helps the world.

When we are our best selves, that ripples through society as a whole. It used to be said that when we help others we help ourselves. But that is old school. The new awareness is that by being better people we help others.  By living our values, we are better people. As better people, our actions put into the world that goodness. And it spreads.

By living up to our standards, we raise the standards and values of mankind.

We don’t improve mankind by yelling at one another. We don’t improve mankind by protests. We don’t improve mankind by putting others down. We do it by building up our goodness, and let it catch on. And it will.

Are you being true to yourself?

Sometimes looking at oneself is hard. We are afraid to see our short comings. We don’t want to see where we are failing ourselves.

But… if done right, it is actually invigorating. It is exciting. When I do it, I get those *aha* moments and I know what is dragging me down. I can see what is getting in my way of happiness and peace. Look, we all need to do this. I encourage you to take the time to write down the three things of each category above. What is it you are doing well, and what needs work?

And maybe do this with a trusted friend. Sometimes we need someone who can point out what we are be honest with ourselves and what we are not being honest and true about ourselves.

And if you find out you are not perfect, don’t worry. No one is.

Peace!

Coach.

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Why don’t you do the things you should?

Are you like me? Do you look around the house and yard and see all the things you should do, but then just sigh and think *later*? And then one moment you just have to stop everything to take care of that?

Why does later normally seem better? Well, sometimes now is inconvenient. Maybe you are already busy with something else. And when you do *that* later are you avoiding doing something else? That thing you put off for later is now the lesser of two tasks you don’t want to do, but you feel you should do something. Am I right?

Well, life is like that isn’t it? Most of us spend a good part of our lives trying to figure out what to do. We don’t feel we are living life to the fullest. We don’t feel fulfilled. Something seems to be missing. But what?

For some the answer may be clear. Maybe it is a person with whom you share your life. Maybe it is a career that is rewarding to you. Maybe it is having children. Maybe it is a giant structure made entirely out of your favorite chocolate, a lake of your favorite alcohol, or a pot of gold.

For some the answer is not so clear. Maybe your life is empty, and you don’t know why. You just have that empty feeling.

Life is not about figuring out what to do. You already know in your heart what you *should* be doing to fill that gap in your life.

The challenge is doing it. 

So, why do we not do *it* ? Because, not doing it is serving a purpose. You are meeting one of your survival needs by not doing it. Right now, you don’t really want to do it. And you don’t need to do it.

When you really want or need anything, you find a way. You find out how. You find the time. You find the energy. You are naturally motivated.  When not doing it is no longer working for you, you will do it.

Sooner rather than later.

So, what is keeping you from doing it now? If you really feel in a rut, you need to understand why you are stuck in a rut. How do you do that? By asking the questions to reveal your motivators, inner drive. What motivates you and why? What purpose is this rut filling in your life?

Frankly, if you you are alone, that is filling a need. If your work sucks, it is filling a need. If your life feels empty, that is filling a need. When your situation is no longer filling that need, then you will act to transform your life to a higher level.

So, what will it be? Will you wait until your current situation plays out and your current situation stops working for you? Or will you start asking the questions about why your life is the way it is and what can turn it around?

Look, you are not a bad person if you just sit there and do nothing. You don’t *have to* do anything. But if you want to do something, then start. Give yourself permission to meet your needs on a higher level.

Cheers!

Coach

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