Month: August 2017

What is your reason for being?

Why does the world need you?

You are here for a reason. Want to know why? Let’s figure it out.

How would you describe yourself? Mind gone blank? Let me help.  Are you honest? Kind? Smart? Outgoing? A leader? Energetic? Athletic? An expert on food? Love movies? Love books? You get the idea.

What are your values? Honesty? Equality? Peace? Love? Being prompt? Giving 100%? Service to others? Fairness? Fitness? You get the idea.

What do you represent? Tough one? I know. Balance? Open mindedness? Fairness? Hard worker? Frankness with others? Friendship? Dependability? Resourcefulness? You get the idea.

What do you want to embody? Kindness? Helpfulness? Patience? Consideration? Tolerance to all? Acceptance of differences? You get the idea.

Now put it all together. As you can tell, all of these things overlap. And they all come together as your reason for being and why the world needs you. It does so like this:

Reason for Being:

That which you are good:  your passion: what you love = your mission

+

That which you are good: profession: that for which you are paid = vocation

=

That which the world needs.

In other words:

That at which you are good = reason for being and why the world needs you.

It is that simple. There is no need to ponder the meaning of life.

What is my purpose? See above.

Have a great day!

Coach

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Grateful? What’s important?

Every now and again we sit back and look at our lives and take inventory of all of our blessings. Your blessings hopefully include:

The people in  your life that give love and support. The job you have that provides the money to pay the bills. The good health you enjoy.  The home that provides shelter, safety and security.

What about the other things? What about the things you don’t have? These could include:

People wanting to do you harm. Being in an abusive relationship with others. Having a very sick relative. People being generally mean to you.

It is easy to see the good we have. It isn’t always easy to see the bad we don’t have. The bad we don’t have is also something for which to be grateful.

Take a moment and answer these two questions:

What are you most grateful for in life? What good do you have and what bad do you not have?

And what is important to you?

When we answer these questions, we build a better life.

Cheers!

Coach

Let me know what your answers were.

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What is that problem telling you?

Do you have a problem or difficulty?

Then the question is: What is it trying to tell you? What are you needing to learn?

Some people think that the bad in their life is the result of our doing something bad. They may falsely blame it on karma.

Some people think that is just life. There are ups and downs. There are positive things in our lives and negative things in our lives.

But I think it is the world trying to teach you something. The answer may not be so obvious, and that leads to frustration. Because if you don’t get the message, how can you respond properly? If you don’t answer properly, then you can’t get that annoying problem or difficulty out of your life. Or you get it out temporarily and then like a boomerang it returns.

Has that ever happened to you? It has to me.

What to do? 

You need to understand the message.

Hard to believe but the message may be the opposite of what it seems.

Example:

I know someone who is very lonely. It makes her feel very sad. It makes her feel very rejected and unusual.

So what does being lonely say? Does it say she needs to learn social skills? Does it mean she should go out and socialize?  No. The message is that she needs to learn about herself. The result of being shy and socially awkward has lead to few friends. So, her company is her own self. She spends a lot of time learning about her.

She is also very near sighted. What does that do? She sees what is near. She sees her life. She can’t see what lies *out there*.  See how it all works?

Your message.

So if there is a problem or difficulty in your life, look at the opposite of what it is. That very well may be where the message lies. Once you decode the message, the answer will follow.

I hope that helps.

Cheers!

Coach

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What would you change?

So, if you were to reincarnate, what would you change?

Would you be a different type of person? If so, how?

Would you want the same people in your life? With whom would you want to go through life again? With whom would you not want to go through life again?

Would you be kinder?

 Would you eat differently?

Would you exercise more?

Would you do the same work?

Would you live in the same city or town?

Why wait?

If there are things you would change if you were to reincarnate, why wait? Change those things now. 

If there are things you would want to be different, make them different now. Want a different job? Change jobs. If you don’t like certain people in your life, why are they in your life? If there are people in your life you love in your life, don’t lose them. If you want to eat healthier or exercise more, then do it.

Your relationships.

If you have people in your life that are not positive in your life, you should break free of them. Don’t keep negative energy in your life. It is not as hard as you might think. And those who are positive keep those relationships alive. Many relationships take work so don’t go too long without spending time with those who are beneficial to your life.

Habits. 

The things you do or don’t do are all habits. What you eat, what you drink, your activity level etc. those are all habits. You made them. You can break them. You can make new ones.

Your work.

That is a bit harder to change. If you would need to get a degree and that is out of reach, then find something in that field that you can do. You don’t have to do it over night.

It isn’t that complicated.

So many people feel they are not “living up to their potential”. Or they wonder what type of work they should be doing. They don’t like this and they don’t like that. Should I date him/her? Questions. Questions. Questions.

It isn’t that complicated. You know what your passions are. Do that. If you wonder if you should be with someone, probably not. If you wonder if anything is right or what you should be doing, probably not. Let go and move on.

As the old expression goes: If it feels good, do it. (But probably not if it involves something illegal).

The answers are in you. You already know what makes you happy. You already know what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. So, do what makes you happy. Be with that person who makes you happy. Trust yourself. You don’t need approval. But if you want approval, talk to someone positive in your life who can be supportive.

Make your here and now the life of your dreams.

Cheers!

Coach

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Attention Deficit Disorder

Why are there so many people with  attention deficit disorder?

This has become a growing *condition*. More and more you hear people saying they have it or their children have it. But it wasn’t a thing when I was a kid. So why now?

Let us look at what it really is. It is not the ability to keep your attention on things. It is trying to keep your attention on too many things. People today more and more try to multi task.

Let us start with multi tasking. People feel they have so much to do that they have to do more than one thing at a time:

Talk on the phone and work on the computer. Work on the computer and keep up with social media. Cook dinner and help kids with homework. Drive and talk or text on mobile phone. You get the idea. Many people brag about how well they multi task.

The problem with this is that you are not focused  on either thing. You are not really doing one or the other. You are on auto pilot. You are a zombie. You are not really using your mind at all. You are just going through the motions. Hey, I do it to. When I drive to the grocery store, for example, I am not thinking what street I am on or when to turn. I just drive.

You know the old saying: If you can’t do it right the first time, you don’t have time to do it a second time. And that is the problem with multi tasking. We are not concentrating enough to do things right or well. We rush through things. I know. You have a lot to do, and you think you can’t get them all done unless you do two or even three things at once. But is that really true?

I don’t think so. How can you really do a quality job trying to do multiple things at the same time? Actually, if you were to do just one thing at a time, you would be focused on that task. You would do it better and more efficiently. Then you can move on to the next task.

People do not have trouble with their attention abilities. They do have trouble with giving attention to more than one thing at a time.

What to do? How to become more attentive.

You need to find the time to practice being mindful. You can find the time. Two exercises:

Exercise one:

When you are eating, eat one thing at a time. Take a bite and put your fork down. Don’t start picking out the next bite. Eat the one in your mouth first. Don’t even look at your plate. If you are fortunate enough to be enjoying a meal with at least one other person, look at them. Enjoy that food. Now, after you have swallowed that piece, go ahead and pick up your fork and get the second. Why?

You are training your mind to do one thing at a time. When you start picking at the food on your plate for the next bite you are living in the future and not the present.

Exercise two:

Sit quietly. Close your eyes. Concentrate on your breathing. Now, try to count 20 breaths. In and out. In and out.

This simple exercise helps to build up concentration.

Can you build up your concentration to 60 breaths?

Over all tip:

Concentrate on what you are doing in the moment. Don’t be thinking about other things you have to do. Stop rushing through everything. Trust me. Taking your time when you do anything you will do it better and faster than if you try to do two things at once.

If you are washing dishes, wash the dishes. Don’t think about the laundry that needs folding. Don’t think about the dusting that needs doing. Don’t think about the television show you want to watch. Do one thing at a time.

A few simple changes and your attention abilities will grow.

I hope this helps.

Coach!

Cheers!

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Not the intention but the interpretation

Have you ever said something to someone and their response surprised you? It is like they got the entirely wrong idea. Now they are angry or have hurt feelings and you sit there and think oh crap! No what? Am I right?

So there you are shaking your head and wondering how they got it wrong. You search through your mind wondering what to say to “fix” it.

Is the first thing you say, “That did not come out right.”? Because some how it is your fault. Right? You said it wrong.

Hold on! Did you say it wrong? Maybe. But Maybe they took it wrong.

It isn’t always the message we intend to communicate which is heard. Sometimes it is the interpretation that is mixed up. People interpret things based on their own experiences in life. Maybe they are defensive about a certain issue. Maybe they feel guilty about a certain topic. Maybe they have been thinking about this topic in their head and think bad about it, and think you think the same as they do. And perhaps they think you are being harsh or judgmental.

The point is if someone responds to something you say to them much differently than you expect them to, it may not be your fault. You may not have said something that “came out wrong”. If their response surprises you, ask them why they reacted that way. Listen to what they think you said. Don’t get defensive and say “I didn’t say that”. Don’t be accusing either and say “you took that wrong”. Listen and ask questions if you must to get clarity. Try to find out what made them react that way. Then, restate your message.

It isn’t the intention of the statement that matters it is the interpretation. It does not matter what you meant if it is taken wrong.

OK. I hope that helps.

Cheers!

Coach.

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Mom’s lasting lesson of kindness

So, just like you, I have my favorite stories about my mom. There are always those stories that stick out. I want to share one with you now. No reason, I just want to share it with you. I hope you like it.

I was in high school. Mom and I went to the Friday night football game. I was a Sophomore. A young man 18 or 19 I would guess was trying to buy a ticket for the game, but he could not get one. Now before I continue, he was mentally challenged. I don’t know now, but perhaps he had Down Syndrome.

My mom was wondering what the commotion at the front of the ticket booth line was all about. Some man standing nearby explained about the young man. Mom had me watch him. When she got to the front of the line, she asked about him. She was informed that he was 50 cents short. Mom told the woman selling the tickets she should be more considerate. What was 50 cents to the school? Really? They could not let him in even 50 cents short? And couldn’t she, the woman selling the tickets put 50 cents in the register later?

So, mom bought two tickets. We walked up to the gates where he was standing. There he was wishing he could go inside. But he seemed to be willing to stand outside the gates and watch the best he could from there.

Mom walked up to him. Handed him a ticket.  “Go buy yourself a Coke and a snack” she said as she handed him a few dollars.” Then mom and I went inside and enjoyed the game.

Why is this story so memorable to me? Well, from the man who told us about him, we learned that he loved those games so much. He went every week. Mom said to me that it was probably one of the few great pleasures he had. It gave him joy.

Now, it was not much. It was a few dollars, but it bought so much pleasure to him. That incident has made such an impression on me for the last 40ish years. We don’t have to make grand gestures to make an impression on the world. We just need to make one life just a bit brighter even if it is just a for a few hours at a high school foot ball game.

Thanks mom.

Cheers!

Coach

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If you were a bumble bee would you be able to fly?

Bumble bees are not supposed to be able to fly. But they do. But how? If they are not designed to be able to fly, how can they?

One answer is that they don’t know they can’t fly. They are meant to fly by their nature. So they do.

The other day while working in my garden I started thinking about this. I was thinking how some people I know just bumble their way through life. They have no real direction. They are clumsy. They are awkward. They are bungling. They try hard, but don’t quite get it right.  I thought they are a busy bee, a bumbling bee, but not little bumble bee who does the “impossible” when it flies.

A bubble bee doesn’t know any better. It is ignorant of its “inability” to fly. They don’t think about it. They just do it.

So, what does this mean to you? 

Well, if you were a bumble bee, would you be able to fly? Well, if you were like all the other bumble bees in the world, yes you would fly. But what if you thought about it? What if you thought I am not designed properly to fly? You would not fly. Would you? You would bumble your way through life. You would struggle. Life would be a lot harder for you.

What’s the point?

Some people think too much. They talk themselves out of even trying to do new things. I can’t. I don’t know how. It’s too hard.

Make like a bumble bee. 

What you know can hurt you. If bumble bees knew they “can’t fly” they wouldn’t. Ignorance of the scientific “fact” that they can’t fly allows them the freedom and ability to fly.

So, all those thoughts that you have in your head that you can’t get rid of them. Spread your wings and fly.

Make like a bumble bee and amaze the world!

Bzzz.

Keep BZ

Coach

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What don’t you know that you don’t know?

What is it you don’t know?

That is hard to know. But what you are overlooking,  the hurdles that you don’t see are the biggest challenges.

You don’t want to go overboard in trying to think of every thing that can go wrong in your adventure. Because if you do, you very well may never start. You want to be prepared, but not overly prepared.

What you want is to be knowledgeable in the subject. You want to know what it is that you want to do inside and out. One thing that I have noticed when someone wants to do something is that they do not have it fully defined.  They give a blank stare when you ask them to define what they want. They don’t know what they want the end result to be or how to get there.

Having your project well defined will make it easier to solve any problems that may arise. One thing you can do is to instruct someone on your project. As you instruct someone else you will find the gaps in your plan. Invite to whom you are explaining it to ask questions and clear up any misunderstandings they may have. You may consider explaining the concept to you as if you were unfamiliar with the project. It’s OK to talk to yourself. It’s thinking out loud. You may consider have someone else explain it back to you to see what you may have over looked.

As you go through these exercises, you may find a few holes in your plan. Don’t feel bad. This is all for improvement of your project. It is an opportunity to learn how to make improvements and possibly to not have any huge obstacles to get in your way.

Coach

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6 tips for success

Six quick tips for success

1: Get ahead of fear.  I don’t know how many times I have known someone who wanted to do something, but put it off to have everything just right before launching their project or business. What happens is that people start thinking about what could go wrong. Then they think maybe it is not a good idea. They start to worry and then they give up  before they try.

2: Fake it until you make it. When you don’t have control over a situation, confuse those who do. Know what those in control want and give it to them. Even if you are new at something you can do it. Be confident in you.

3: Get rid of your routine. If you stick with the same way of doing things, you won’t get anywhere. Break those invisible chains that are holding you back.

4: Ask for help. It is really hard to do things on your own. You need at least one other person to work out the what and how of any business or project. What is or is not working in your life is a great indicator of the direction to take.

5: Mental endurance.  Excitement gets a plan going. But when you hit those hurdles, that can stop you. Too many roadblocks and motivation and excitement fade. It is mental endurance that keeps you going. You have something you want you have to attack it. You have to give it all you have. Form new habits. Not being alone, getting help as needed, someone to hold you accountable, changing your old ways these all work toward mental endurance.

6: Room for improvement. Make one step forward every day. Improve just one thing every day. Achieve 1% of your goal every day. Your brain thinks small. When your brain is done, you are 40% of capacity, capability. Breaking through barriers gets you to the next level.

Those  things that are challenging are things that require preparation, training, planning, maybe failure, but those are the things that make you feel most alive. When you get over those hurdles, past those roadblocks, you learn more about you and what you truly can do. You will see that you can do things you never thought possible. Traveling the rough road is exhilarating when you reach the end. The satisfaction makes it all worth it.

In summary, dare to do your dream. You may stray off the beaten path, but you will find your way. And at the of the day you just may find a band new and improved you—someone who dared and made it.

Cheers!

Coach

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