Month: July 2017

A post life lesson from Big Brother

So, I am a big fan of Big Brother. I was thinking this morning about how decisions are made to evict based sometimes on false ideas. There are rumors that simply are not true and yet they get people evicted.

Take Ramses for example. Paul said last night that part of his wanting Ramses out was because he took the $25,000 temptation. BUT Ramses did not take the $25,000. Kevin did, and if I am not mistaken, Kevin started the rumor.

So, some day when the game is all over Paul will find out that a big reason he wanted Ramses out is because of the $25,000 he never took. And Kevin already knows that his lie about Ramses was a big reason for Ramses getting evicted.

Two questions:

 Question one: Does Kevin currently feel at least a little bad that his two actions, taking the temptation and starting the false rumor,  hurt someone, Ramses, else? Not only that, but taking that temptation also hurt the house by bringing Paul into the house decreasing their chance of winning. And also directly hurt one more person, Cameron, being evicted.

Question two: Will Paul in the future when the truth is revealed feel bad that Ramses was evicted on a false rumor and that the real culprit, Kevin was his little puppet?

Look, I know this is a game. Paul had other reasons to want Ramses evicted. I also know that lying is part, a large part, of the game. So, Kevin did what he felt he had to do to take the focus off him. He, in his own words, “played the game”. But still he wants to get together with Ramses for Thanksgiving.

I would like to know if Ramses will forgive Kevin.

The lesson

After the end of the game:

Paul will find out that Kevin took the temptation.

Ramses will know that Kevin took the temptation and lied about it and that played a big part in his eviction.

Everyone will learn that Kevin, who is a real snake they all seem to trust, took the temptation that brought Paul back into the game and his lie got Ramses evicted.

How will Paul and Kevin and anyone else feel about how they treated Ramses?

Your life and your ways:

If you knew that after you died, you were to meet all the people and animals that were in your life, and you had to feel the pain you caused, would you change your ways? Or would you meet them with a clear conscious?

The Jury

In Big Brother, there is a jury at the end who decides the winner. What do you think Ramses would say to Paul? To Kevin? Would he vote to have either one win? Paul believed someone he trusted, but Kevin started a false rumor.

What if this happened in your life? What is it was not God who judged, but those who were in your life and died before you? What if they were your jury, and they determined whether or not you got to go to Heaven? Would you treat them the same now or not?

FOR THE RECORD: I do not think we get judged like this or in any way after we die. This is just for illustration purposes. It is for thought provoking purposes only. 

But if you want to know what I think you may ask me. You know where to find me. 

Let us treat others, people and animals, with all the love and compassion we have here and now. Let us not treat them in such a manner now that would make us not want to see them after we die.

Peace.

Coach

www.faceook.com/lisaylifecoach

Appreciate your haves and have nots.

We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.

Malala Yousafzai

Isn’t that the way it is with most things? We take so many things for granted. I like to think that most people realize how blessed they really are.

I am reminded of a man I knew in college who had kidney disease. After he got a transplant, he said to me, “You don’t know how sick you are until you are better.”

In the same sense, would it take losing it all to appreciate all the good you have?  If you lost it all, would you say, ” I didn’t know how good it was until I lost it all.”?

There are the haves to appreciate and then there are the have nots to appreciate.

The haves in your life.

Sometimes I think we have to look at the silver lining. Sure there is dirt on the kitchen floor, but you have a kitchen floor to get dirty. Sure, the car needs cleaning, but you have a car. Sure the dishes need cleaning, but you had food to place upon those dishes. You get the idea.

The have nots in your life. 

Now turn it around. What are the issues you don’t have (I hope)? Maybe it is all your possessions in your car. Maybe it is the lack of food in the pantry or the fridge. Maybe it is a child with a deformed lip. You get the idea.

My challenge to you today is to look around and see what hidden treasures you truly have. How many can you find? Now, how many things do you not have in your life?

I hope this little exercise will make your day. I hope it makes you feel great with all that you have and don’t have. Appreciate your haves and have nots. 

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

Talent or luck?

Have you ever noticed that some people seem so charmed? It seems that no matter what they want they get it? I know a couple of people like that. Between you and me, it makes me a little sick. Life has always been hard for me. I have had to struggle very hard for every little accomplishment.

Talent or luck?

So are these people very talented or lucky? I think a little of both. There are a lot of talented people out there. They are competing for the same thing. Some will do better than others. I think that it takes a bit of good luck to be the one to rise up from the masses of talented people and be the one who goes farther and does better.

Think about this. Mary Higgins Clark is a very talented author. She is very successful. But, her first book was rejected many times before being accepted and published. So, was is talent or luck? Well, she is very talented. If she were very lucky, her book would have been accepted the first time. It took a lot of work to get to that success.

Now think of this. Some young girl sent a story to Steven Spielberg. It got on his desk and he liked it enough to make a short film. Now, the story was good. Is the young girl talented? Well, I don’t know. I guess talented enough to write one good story. Is she lucky? Yes! It was an accident that the story got on his desk. He was not supposed to see it. Normally, that submission would probably just be tossed out with a polite rejection letter (probably like the dozens of them that Mary Higgins Clark got).

Is it talent or luck?

 If you are successful time after time, it is talent. If you are successful once, it is luck. If you are successful time after time in very challenging situations, it may be both.

What is important?

Well, I think talent will take you a lot farther than luck. If you have a marketable skill that is exceptional, you will always do well. It may take you a few tries to succeed, like Mary Higgins Clark, but it will pay off for a life time. One lucky break may be all you get. You may be a one hit wonder so to speak, like the girl writing to Spielberg, but it won’t last a life time.

Making your own luck.

Well, maybe it is more making your own opportunities rather than luck. We really don’t have any control over luck, do we? If we did, going to a casino or playing the lotto would be very different.

So, what to do? Develop your talent. We all have one. If there is something you really want to be able to do in life, develop your talent. Take classes. Practice. Learn the ins and out of what it is you want to do. Talk to the ones who have gone before you.

Sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? Yep! But if you really have a passion for what you want to do, it should not seem like work. It should seem like an adventure.

And when you accomplish what you want to accomplish, how will that feel? And that feeling makes it all worth it. 

Cheers!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

 

Why some don’t believe in God

For simplicity, I will use the term God to represent the Higher Power for all religions.

As one who believes in God, it is hard to imagine not believing in God. I have a very strong faith. I know there is a Higher Power. What exactly that Higher Power is I don’t know, but I do believe.

I look at the wonders of the world and think God, what ever God is had to create this. There had to be a creative force.

Two groups: 

I think that there are two groups of people who do not believe. Group one has been disappointed by their God. They prayed for this and that and nothing. That for which they prayed did not happen, materialize. They see other people pray and seemingly have their prayers answered. Why them and not me is the usual question.

I have seen that so many times. Some people seem to always get what they want and need as if God is providing it just for them. Have you ever noticed that? I have a friend who never seems to worry. God provides.

But for some when the job never comes, the sick die, they are overwhelmed with life and they ask God to help, but nothing. It is understandable why faith is missing.

Group two are people who have a very strong inner drive for the survival need of certainty. Those of us who believe in a Higher Power usually have a commonality. We turn our lives over to our God. As a Christian, I was taught to “let go and let God”. I was taught to release the burdens of life to Jesus.

Those in group two don’t want to do that. They don’t want to turn over the control of their life to some invisible God. The certainty they have in their life is the control they have. They believe that if you want something you, and you alone, make it happen. It makes their personal power stronger. This is the survival need of significance, and this is how they meet that need. It is a uniqueness to not believe in a Higher Power.

Now the opposite survival need of significance is love and connection. They have not made that love and connection to any God. They lack bonding and oneness with any Higher Power.

It isn’t that they do not have any sort of love or connection with others. Maybe they do and maybe they don’t. It is more that they tend to their own needs in their own way.

So there you have it. They are not atheists. They do atheism. Atheism is the tool they use to meet their survival needs their way.

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

It’s OK to want what you want

As long as you don’t want something that harms other people or something illegal, it is OK to want what you want.

Sometimes people seem to think they don’t deserve to have the life of their dreams. It just wouldn’t be fair. I have actually thought that.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. What ever it is that gives you pleasure it is OK. You don’t need to have other people understand. You don’t need other people to approve. What you need is to enjoy life just the way you want it.

So, if you have a dream, live it to the best of your abilities. If you want to be a rich and famous actor or professional athlete, that may be stretching it a bit far. But if you can do some sort of acting or play sports, then do that. Enjoy that. If you want to be a singer, do that. You may not produce records or get paying jobs, but you can find some way to sing and get pleasure from it even if it is at a talent show.

I really don’t understand so many people ask is it OK if I…? People get so caught up in etiquette. They don’t know if what they want to do is “proper”. Is it going to hurt someone else? If not, it is OK. Will it make someone else feel better? If so, it is OK.

Give yourself permission to live the life you want. To have or not have what you want in your life. When you do, you will pinch yourself just to make sure you are not sleeping and having a really good dream.

I think if it is in your heart, you have good intentions, you really can’t go wrong. But if you think what you want to do is questionable, ask. We all have that cool friend who really knows if something would be inappropriate or not. Ask that person. If you don’t want to ask someone you know, you know where to find me.

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

How to overcome fear.

How do you overcome fear? 

Well, to start you have to understand fear. Fear is uncertainty. There are four survival needs and uncertainty is one. The opposite survival need is certainty.

When you have a fear, you are uncertain about what to expect. You feel out of control. Take riding roller coasters for example. I am not a fan. Why? Because I have no control.

When we have a fear, we don’t know what will happen. We think bad things will happen. We want someone to tell us that with 100% certainty we can do this thing and we will be perfectly safe and nothing will go wrong. That would be nice, would it not? But you may be aware by now that life is not like that. Life is full of uncertainty. As the saying goes, the only sure things in life are death and taxes. Ugh! Let’s get off that depressing thought.

Fear is uncertainty and certainty out of balance. How do you gain more certainty? Well, you can’t gain control, right? No. You can’t control heights. You can’t control an airplane unless you are a pilot. You can’t control darkness or whatever it is you fear.

What do you want to change? 

No one wants to overcome a fear. I repeat, no one wants to overcome fear. 

What you want is to change certainty. You need more of it. For once you gain certainty, your fear will fade and you will have confidence to face it.

So, the first question you have to ask is: How are you currently meeting your need for certainty by not changing? Well, by not facing your fear you give yourself the security of not facing the fear. You stay in your comfort zone to enjoy the pleasure of safety and to avoid the pain of uncertainty.

Are you certain you can’t overcome the fear? You may be using this reasoning to not try to overcome the fear. I know I can’t so why bother.

But now, you want to overcome that fear. It isn’t working for you anymore.

 

Next questions:

What will you lose if you don’t change? How will that feel?

What will you gain if you do change? How will that feel?

Who will you become if you do or do not change? How will that feel?

What has to happen for you to get what you want and need? What actions can you take to make this change?

It is a habit. 

Everything we do is a habit. You created this habit of avoiding this fear. You made the habit. You can break the habit, and create a new one.

Permission to change

It is important to give yourself permission to change. You have had this habit for a long time. Your subconscious wants to give you what you want. And your subconscious has built this habit to avoid the uncertainty. So. you need to tell the subconscious it is OK to change. This is not vital, but it is helpful. Using hypnosis can be a valuable tool.

Last questions:

Who can keep you accountable for this change? Who is in your life that already gets these results?

Find a supportive friend or friends to help you to meet your certainty need on a higher level.

I hope this helps.

Coach

Let me know how you are doing.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Play like you have already won

PLAY LIKE YOU HAVE ALREADY WON. Ever notice how when you know you have won you relax and actually do really well because you are relaxed. So, what ever it is you want to accomplish, imagine you have already won, relax and you will do very well.

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

What is love?

What is love? 

Love is compassion. Love is kindness.

Love is holding a hand when it is cold.

Love is holding a hand to  take on the pain of another and help them get through.

Love is helping another to face the world again.

Love is giving the strength to another to  get up on their feet and try again.

Love is wiping a tear.
Love is clearing a confused mind.
Love is buying back the soul that was sold out of desperation.

Love is helping someone find their way when they are lost.
Love is giving  hope when hope has come to an end.

Love is giving someone dignity.
Love is giving meaning to another life.

Love is calling someone friend.

Love is needing another.
Love is putting another high upon a pedestal
Love is lifting someone up so they can see heaven.

Love is being glad for another and sharing in their joy.

Love is turning someone’s lies about their self and help them to see their truth, beauty, and goodness.

Love is making another think is this real? Is this true?

Love is unconditional. Love is looking past flaws.
Love is being there and never leaving.

Love, Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

 

 

What ace are you hiding?

No one knows you better than you. But, we are not always honest with ourselves. We are not always honest with our true capabilities. We down play our assets. We sometimes give a little effort. Then when we do not get results we give up.

Or we let fear of success or failure take over and we choose to not work toward a certain goal. We are meeting one of our 4 survival skills and we are comfortable how we are doing it. It may not be the best way to meet that goal, but as long as we are meeting that need, we are satisfied. When we are not meeting that need, then we change what we have to in order to be fulfilled.

We simply hold back. Sometimes we like to keep something secret. You don’t want anyone to know you have the four aces, right? Or maybe you have an ace up your sleeve, and you don’t want to bring it into play prematurely.

But what if you took that ace out of your sleeve and played it? What if it meant opening up a whole bunch of possibilities for change and improvement in your life? Would you do it?

People hold that ace for when they really need it. But when is that?

I think what stops a lot of people from acting is the fear of looking foolish. You want to do something different. What will others think? Who cares? Necessity is the mother of invention. Necessity is also the mother of change.  If you want to meet some need on a higher level, it is time to play that ace. And when you do smile and nod, “Yes, I had an ace.” Think how fun that will feel.

Amaze your family and friends.

So, What are you pretending not to know? What are you pretending you are not capable of doing?

Open the doors of possibilities. Enjoy!

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Who are you?

Who are you?

Beyond your name, beyond your family relations, beyond your job, who are you? What makes you you?

What are your values?

What are your motivators?

What are your passions?

What are your hopes and dreams?

Are you loving and kind?

Do you stop to help someone in need?

What makes you laugh? Cry?

What makes you special?

What makes you just like everyone else?

What makes you judge you?

Are you a saver? Spender?

Are you a follower? Leader?

Are you a doer?

Are you lazy? Procrastinator?

Ambitious?

Who are you? Do you know?

Just a few things to ponder.

Coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach