Hey~
So, let me tell you a true story.
In a nutshell, a woman I know was terribly hurt by her family. There were broken promises. A big brother who failed to protect her from financial disaster in her dealings with her nephew. A nephew who lost business investment money lent for the high of heroine. And to top it off a side comment while in jail to rob and kill her for what ever money is left for even more heroine money.
She told her brother and his wife and her nephew, currently in prison, how much pain they have put her through. Their response is silence. I have pondered why the silence. That is what I do. I ponder. The answer is this. The silence means they are sorry. How do I know? Well, if they were talking, that would mean they don’t care. They would just go on as if nothing ever happened. But, they have no words to respond. There are no excuses. There is no justification.
On one hand this is good in a way especially on the part of the nephew. Why? Well, there is genuine remorse. That means there is true intention for him to make it right. Where there is remorse there is desire to make it right.
On the other hand, they are silent. She reached out. because she could not be silent. And, she wanted them to say they are sorry. She wanted assurances they will make it right. But the silence is deafening. It seems like she reached out and no one is there.
What to do?
It starts with the nephew. He will be released soon from prison. The exact date is unknown, but by the end of August. Now, this is good and bad. It is bad as there is still that jail house comment about robbing and killing her. It is good as there is opportunity to meet and work this out. They need to work it out. The money lent cannot be lost. The nephew has an incredible ability to make money legally when he puts his mind to it. The current silence says he has every intention to do just that.
They need to break the silence.
They need to come face to face. She needs to tell him face to face how much pain he has caused. He needs to respond. He needs to apologize. A plan to make it right needs to be made. Then, the nephew needs to talk to his parents and siblings. He needs to bring everyone together.
In coaching terms:
There is the diagnosis. What is the need? Love and connection.
Then there is leverage. The positive reason to change the pain no one can bear any longer to the pleasure of eliminating that pain.
There is the empowering alternative. This is the strategy for meting the need, love and connection, on a higher level.
Finally, there is conditioning. Take action to get away from the bad influences and into the good. Creating support.
The key point here is break the silence. If you have been hurt, don’t be silent. If you hurt another, don’t be silent. Be brave. Find the words to express how bad you feel. Then, following the coaching steps above, work it out.
Just with what you know, you may think this situation has little hope of being resolved. If you knew the details which would make your head spin, you would have little hope this will be resolved. He did make that rob and kill comment after all. But I know it will be resolved. It starts with breaking the silence.
Lisa Y. life coach
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach