January 2017 – Page 2 – Lisa Y coaching

Life’s simple lessons

FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER

Take two minutes to read these sayings and be sure to read all the way to the bottom:

Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Rooney used to be on 60 Minutes TV show.

I’ve learned….
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned….
That when you’re in love, it shows.I’ve learned ….
That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

I’ve learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I’ve learned….
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.I’ve learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned….
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I’ve learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned….
That life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.I’ve learned….
That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

I’ve learned….
That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned….
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I’ve learned…
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I’ve learned….
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I’ve learned….
That when you plan to get even with someone,
you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned….
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned….
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned….
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.I’ve learned….
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned…
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

I’ve learned….
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I’ve learned….
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned….
That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I’ve learned….
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned….
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I’ve learned….
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned….
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned….
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Lisa Y www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Katelyn Davis

Special note: This could encourage others to commit suicide. We need to be especially vigilant for awhile.

A 12 year old girl reached out the best she could. The result was that it fell on unsympathetic and non reactive ears. Her own mother told her to buck up. Her answer was to take control of her life the only way she knew, and she ended it.

Why? Why was there no sympathy. Why did no one react? This child who was physically abused. Acted tough on the outside, but inside was broken.

I have two answers.

One, she is 12. A lot of people don’t take the problems of 12 year old children seriously. They are very dramatic at this age. The smallest incident can make them too scared to go to school. They always think everything is the end of the world. As adults, we know that little thing will blow over. But most young children don’t. They think this little thing will haunt them until they graduate from high school. They do this because to them it is huge.

For most adults, they can’t imagine a child can be so burdened. We understand the burden of life you have as an adult. But, we have a hard time understand the degree to which a child can feel trapped. And if you are an adult with a lot on your plate, you “don’t have time”.

Two, people look the other way when someone expresses they are sad or depressed. No one wants to be around a “sad sack”. It takes time, effort. and patience.

People can display sadness by saying odd things or posting weird photos or deleting photos on social media, and people may realize they are feeling really bad, but remain silent. Why? Well, they may not want to get involved. Or they may say, “He/she does this from time to time. That is just how they are. He/she will get over it. I don’t think they intend to do anything crazy.”

What to do.

Listen. Pay attention. Act.

So when that depressed person withdraws one way or another, some people may be relieved. They don’t want to see their sad posts or blog entries.

When they change their posts, their attitude, their activity pay attention. If it is the first time or the twentieths time or the fiftieth time, it does not matter, it is a form of communication.

And this brings a note to parents. Know what is on your child’s face book, blog, twitter or any other social media. Be nosy. If they object, smile, give them a hug, and say I do this because I love you. It is my job to protect you the best I can.

Ask. What’s up? (“how are you?” is a bad question. Why? Because to them it is obvious. And they wonder, “how can you ask such a dumb question?”). Ask why did you do _____? This could be “why did you put that photo up on your face book? Or why did you say such and such on your blog.

Listen. Find out what is bothering them. Sometimes talking it out can work it out. Show them how they are

Act. If this is beyond your level to help, help them get professional help. With help, she would have found a positive way to gain control of her life.

What not to do.

Don’t be dismissive. If they are 12, 32, 62 or 102, what may seem like nothing to you is a big deal to them. Don’t tell them to cheer up. Don’t suggest a fun activity. Don’t tell them to smile. (That is the worst.)

OK. Wishing you well.

Lisa Y. life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Katelyn Davis, We are sad for you. Thank you for your very powerful act. May your act save lives.

12 Laws of Karma

12 Laws of Karma

The Great Law: Whatever we put into the universe will come back to us.
Law of Creation: Life does not happen by itself. We have to make it happen.
Law of Humility: One must accept something in order to change it.
Law of Growth: When we change ourselves our lives change too.
Law of Responsibility: We must take responsibility for what is in our lives.
Law of Connection: The past, present, and future are all connected.
Law of Focus: We cannot think of two different things at the same time.
Law of Giving/Hospitality: Behavior should match our thoughts & actions.
Law of Here & Now: One cannot be present if they are looking backward.
Law of Change: History repeats until we learn from it & change our path.
Law of Patience & Reward: The most valuable rewards require persistence.
Law of Significance & Inspiration: Rewards are a direct result of the energy and effort we put into it.

Lisa Y life coach, www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Bullies, a new definition

I am a very passionate person. (That’s why I am a coach)

Something that really stirs me up is people who are not considerate of others. It happens a lot more than most people realize.

What really gets to me is bullying. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.

Most people think of the school yard bullies. These are the bullies whose main tactic is to use physical force to get others to give them things or do things for them. Their demands range from lunch money to homework.

Then there is the child, or the adult, who has a tantrum either at home or in public. They want something and are being denied or have to wait for what it is they want. For a child this may be an ice cream cone or candy bar. For an adult this may be service at a business or a parking space.

There is the work place bully or bullies. You know the type. They intimidate others to make them feel so uncomfortable that they will leave their job. Why do they do that? Well, they don’t like diversity, and the person being bullied to leave is different somehow. Instead of finding a way to get along, they get rid of the one who is not like the others.

The list goes on.

I have noticed a lot in the last year or so the increase in bully activity that seems to go unnoticed. Here is a definition:

The use of force, threat, or coercion to dominate others. This can be someone with anorexia. Someone with anorexia will use food as a tool to get their way. I knew a woman who did anorexia to get what she wanted. Her parents would have offered her anything to get her to eat. This a type of bully.

It can be an alcoholic or drug user. How many people will do anything to get someone to get help to stop using a controlled substance? This drug user is a bully. They use the “promise” to stop if they get their “target” to give them money for the drug of choice they need now until they stop.

To me the worst type of bully who is well disguised. They seem like good, loving and caring people. They are the ones who stand up for the injustices of the world. This group includes, but is not limited to, some religious leaders, some politicians, some social media stars, or some heads of a large corporation. They are popular. People like them. They are charismatic. They may use their popularity to incite others. They portray themselves as one of the good guys (or gals). They convince those who admire them that they promote positive change. And, I think most of them really do have that intention. They do want to make this a better place. But they use bully tactics to get their way.

But anyone who will use intimidation in any form is a bully. Anyone who disrupts a school, work place, public place is a bully. Anyone who disrupts the peace is a bully. Anyone who discriminates is a bully. This is as simple as name calling, playing loud music, or as violent as starting fires, stealing or bombs and everything in between.

Bullies main thought: if you don’t side with us unequivocally, you’re not worthy of consideration or conversation.

This all makes me so unhappy. I can’t stand all this negativity. It has to stop.

What to do?

We need to stand up to all bullies. Just as you ignore a child having a tantrum, we need to ignore the bully tactics. Turn your back on them until they stop their intimidation.

Don’t give in even to those who use food as a tool to getting what they want. Don’t give in to those who use the promise of rehab as a tool. Don’t give in to any violence as a tool. Don’t let law breaking be a tool. Don’t give in to anything.

Then, after their negative tactics do not work, work together in positive goals. Find mutually shared interests and benefits that can be worked on together.

This all goes back to motivation, one of the 4 survival needs we have. Once we can find the motivation of the bullies, we can meet their needs on a higher level.

Believe it or not, once a bully understands what motivates them, they will be excited to understand. Once you can show them there are alternate, peaceful methods to getting what they want, they will be eager to change. I know. It is hard to believe, but it is true. Because that is what happens when you understand why you do the things you do. But, it is important to get the bullies away from other bullies. They need to be around people with positive methods.

Funny isn’t it that bully once meant a fine fellow or friend or even a sweat heart or darling. Where did it all go wrong?

Have a great day!

Lisa Y life coach

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Hello? Where are you?

Greetings~

Why don’t I hear from them?

Have you ever left a voice mail, sent a letter, sent an email or some other message to someone and they don’t respond? And then you wonder why? And did you do it over and over again and still no response?

If it makes a difference to your life, like a job opportunity, a loan you need, a legal issue etc. you dwell on it. You lose sleep over it. You fret. It eats at you.

Why do you dwell?

One reason is because you can’t think of anything you did to upset them. But you search your mind for anything you may have done or anything that may be misunderstood. And, you come up blank.

One reason is because you are hurt. You are reaching out to someone you care about, love even, and they ignore you. And now you feel left out. Those old feelings you had as a child wanting to be part of the cool kid group fills your heart. What if they just don’t want anything to do with me? Why? Don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? I’m nice. Why am I not good enough for you?

The family has turned their back on you

You have sent gifts without recognition. You sent flowers. You sent birthday cards and gifts and you did not even receive acknowledgement the gift was received. Before I continue, this is not about not getting a thank you. This is about people not even acknowledging you sent a letter or gift.

A personal example: I remembered a birthday of a child by sending $10. This child had just become my step-great niece. I have yet to meet her. I wanted to send the gift to show that even though we had not met I cared about her. And no response. Just a message on Face Book is all I wanted.

The lack of response says what?

Now you bounce back and forth. What did I do? Why don’t they like me? It is like a ping pong match in your head. Stop.

I understand it is hard.

I understand not hearing back from other people is hard. It is especially hard if you don’t know why. But you have to let it go.

It isn’t easy. It takes effort. I understand it would help to at least know why they ignore you. But they are not talking to you! Accept it! Stop chasing them. They don’t want anything to do with you. If they were, you could work things out. You could clear up any misunderstandings. I am saying this to me as much as to you.

The story with my step grand niece is just the tip of the iceberg. That happened a couple of years ago. I continued to try to reach out to all of my family. They still are not talking to me. I think I know why. It has to do with something someone else did that made waves, and they are too embarrassed to talk to me. A story for another time. The point is if you are going through this, I am right there with you. I don’t just say I understand. I really do.

What to do?

Shrug your shoulders. Shake your head. Do your Mona Lisa smile. Remind yourself you are a good, likable and valuable person. Remind yourself of the positive relationships in your life. And hey, if these others don’t want to be part of your awesomeness (smile here) it’s their loss. Really. (Nod yes. Smile. There you go.)

Now, let it go. It’s OK. It’s OK to continue to care about these people, but stop trying to win them over. And remember, not hearing back from other people happens to everyone, even me.

If you would like to talk about your experience with this, or anything, you know where to find me. But as a reminder:

Lisa Y life coach, www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Brain game challenge

Hey~

I want to make a brain game challenge.

Make a conversation with one other person speaking only one word at a time.

Conversation looks like this:

Person 1: Says one word.

Person 2: Continues the conversation with one word.

Repeat.

To make it more challenging use only single syllable words.

Now, get it straight. This has to be a real conversation with meaning. This is not just saying words. This is making a real conversation. One person starts this conversation, and the other keeps it going.

The Point

To exercise the brain. It is a fun challenge. It starts off hard, but once you get started it gets easier.

Make it a party game. Maybe you can have a group of people do this with everyone taking their turn.

Have fun!

Tell me how you did.

Lisa Y coaching.

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Love does not hurt

Hey~

Just a quick post for now.

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.

Loneliness hurts.

Rejection hurts.

Losing someone hurts.

Envy hurts.

Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

Love is the only thing that does not hurt.

May you feel loved every day.

Lisa Y. coaching

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Patience for people with mental illness or conditons.

Hey~

So, it is time to get back to the routine. A strange feeling, isn’t it? There was all that build up, and now it is over.

I was thinking this morning about how some people don’t feel like getting together with others over the holidays. They may not go to Thanksgiving dinner. They may not go to Christmas dinner. They may not go to a New Year’s party.

One reason may be that they physically do not feel good enough to go. That may disappoint some people, but they are understanding. “Well, they don’t feel up to it.” They are forgiving.

Another reason may be that they have mental illness or a mental condition that keep them from socializing. But with them, these same people gt upset with them. They think they need to “get over it” and be part of the celebration. They are not forgiving. But, if you know someone like that, be forgiving. They really can’t help it.

Remember, everyone does the best they can.

“Alice”

She was invited to be with her sister’s in laws for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But Sally did not want to go. She mentally did not feel up to it. Her sister is neither understanding nor forgiving. She does not understand that mental conditions can be as limiting as physical. Now her sister is being rude. Her sister does not want to talk to her much. So we have some mending to do.

Why did Alice not want to go?

Alice is very sensitive.

She is socially awkward. She is not comfortable around most anyone.

Alice dreaded the idea of driving somewhere unfamiliar especially if it meant driving home in the dark. Alice would have been preoccupied with this the whole time. It is hard to have fun if you are thinking about getting home without getting lost. So, that would be a preoccupation.

She is not working right now. So she dreaded the questions about her employment status.

And as for Christmas there is the whole gift exchange issues. She does not want to receive gifts. Because if she does not like the gift then she has to pretend she does. That is hard for Alice. Then she has to buy gifts for her sister and brother in law. She does not like to shop. So, she would have to shop which is stressful. Then, it would be stressful to have them open the gifts. She thinks they won’t like the gifts and she would feel stupid with the gifts she purchased. Then she would think that if they like the gifts, they would just be pretending to like them.

All of this because she is so sensitive. To be at peace, the answer for Alice was to stay home. She knew that her sister would be disappointed, but understanding as Alice explained how she felt.

But her sister is not understanding. Now, I don’t want to make the sister look bad. Her reaction is actually quite normal. Because she, like most, is not truly understanding about the limitations these sort of mental conditions. She took Alice not going to the family gatherings as personal. “You don’t want to be with me, us, for the holidays.”

Be forgiving and understanding

If you encounter a person like Alice, I urge you to be patient. This is a mental condition. It can’t be “healed”, but it can be helped. But when they are at a low point, they are just as limited in their actions as someone might be with back pain, or foot pain, or migraine headaches or any number of physical ailment.

Hope

Alice is not without hope. She can work on these things. Understand why you are the way you are is the first step. And Alice understands her condition now. It isn’t what she thought it was. She also knows she is not alone. Lots of other people feel the same way. Alice has joined a support group for starters.

She also understands she has limitations. We all do. We all do the best we can. Alice will be getting some “tools” to use to help her not feel so bad. She will never be the social butterfly her sister and brother in law are, but she has room for improvement.

Understand we all do our best was also a big relief.

Yeah!

Lisa Y coaching

www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach

Resolutions in 3 easy steps

Happy New Year!!!

So, it’s resolution time.

There is a simple approach to meeting these resolutions.

Step 1: What do you want?

It is not to lose weight. It is not to exercise more. It is not to fall in love. It is not to have a better job. It is not anything else you may list.

These things are the vehicles to getting what you really want.

So, what do you want? What motivates you? Well, I don’t specifically know without talking to you. But I can tell you it is one of 4 survival needs.

Step 2: Make a plan.

This is finding a way to meet your goal on a higher level. If, for example, your vehicle right now is being over weight, and you want to change your vehicle to losing weight, then you make that plan on how to do that.

Part of the solution is to understanding your need. This gives you the motivation you need to change habits and break the “addiction” (bad habits) you have.

Step 3: Break big goal into smaller goals.

Let us use losing weight as a goal. Let us use 20 pounds as the magic number. Don’t start the year off thinking I want to lose 20 pounds by the end of May. OK so that is 20 pounds in 5 months. That is a goal that is not unreasonable if you break it down over 5 months, but if you think about it as 20 pounds it may be discouraging.

Break any resolution into smaller goals. Start with just 2 or 3 pounds. As you meet your goal, say “another 2 or 3 pounds” And before you know it, you will meet your goal.

Rule of thumb: Break the goal into 10 parts. So, for the losing 20 pound plan, break that 20 pounds into 2 pounds.

One day at a time: Live in the moment. Don’t think I have to do this the next 365 days. That can be discouraging. Instead, say “Today I will eat less.” or “Today I will go to the gym.” Or “Today I will ______”. Then tomorrow repeat.

Smaller goals and meeting that goal one day at a time, make the goal more manageable. And you build momentum. You feel accomplished, unstoppable.

Slip up?

OK. Look, you may very well be changing a habit you have had for years. Just remind yourself what it is you want. What motivates you. And you will be motivated to work toward that goal today.

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR!

Lisa Y coaching