Special note: This could encourage others to commit suicide. We need to be especially vigilant for awhile.
A 12 year old girl reached out the best she could. The result was that it fell on unsympathetic and non reactive ears. Her own mother told her to buck up. Her answer was to take control of her life the only way she knew, and she ended it.
Why? Why was there no sympathy. Why did no one react? This child who was physically abused. Acted tough on the outside, but inside was broken.
I have two answers.
One, she is 12. A lot of people don’t take the problems of 12 year old children seriously. They are very dramatic at this age. The smallest incident can make them too scared to go to school. They always think everything is the end of the world. As adults, we know that little thing will blow over. But most young children don’t. They think this little thing will haunt them until they graduate from high school. They do this because to them it is huge.
For most adults, they can’t imagine a child can be so burdened. We understand the burden of life you have as an adult. But, we have a hard time understand the degree to which a child can feel trapped. And if you are an adult with a lot on your plate, you “don’t have time”.
Two, people look the other way when someone expresses they are sad or depressed. No one wants to be around a “sad sack”. It takes time, effort. and patience.
People can display sadness by saying odd things or posting weird photos or deleting photos on social media, and people may realize they are feeling really bad, but remain silent. Why? Well, they may not want to get involved. Or they may say, “He/she does this from time to time. That is just how they are. He/she will get over it. I don’t think they intend to do anything crazy.”
What to do.
Listen. Pay attention. Act.
So when that depressed person withdraws one way or another, some people may be relieved. They don’t want to see their sad posts or blog entries.
When they change their posts, their attitude, their activity pay attention. If it is the first time or the twentieths time or the fiftieth time, it does not matter, it is a form of communication.
And this brings a note to parents. Know what is on your child’s face book, blog, twitter or any other social media. Be nosy. If they object, smile, give them a hug, and say I do this because I love you. It is my job to protect you the best I can.
Ask. What’s up? (“how are you?” is a bad question. Why? Because to them it is obvious. And they wonder, “how can you ask such a dumb question?”). Ask why did you do _____? This could be “why did you put that photo up on your face book? Or why did you say such and such on your blog.
Listen. Find out what is bothering them. Sometimes talking it out can work it out. Show them how they are
Act. If this is beyond your level to help, help them get professional help. With help, she would have found a positive way to gain control of her life.
What not to do.
Don’t be dismissive. If they are 12, 32, 62 or 102, what may seem like nothing to you is a big deal to them. Don’t tell them to cheer up. Don’t suggest a fun activity. Don’t tell them to smile. (That is the worst.)
OK. Wishing you well.
Lisa Y. life coach
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach
Katelyn Davis, We are sad for you. Thank you for your very powerful act. May your act save lives.