Hey~
So, it is time to get back to the routine. A strange feeling, isn’t it? There was all that build up, and now it is over.
I was thinking this morning about how some people don’t feel like getting together with others over the holidays. They may not go to Thanksgiving dinner. They may not go to Christmas dinner. They may not go to a New Year’s party.
One reason may be that they physically do not feel good enough to go. That may disappoint some people, but they are understanding. “Well, they don’t feel up to it.” They are forgiving.
Another reason may be that they have mental illness or a mental condition that keep them from socializing. But with them, these same people gt upset with them. They think they need to “get over it” and be part of the celebration. They are not forgiving. But, if you know someone like that, be forgiving. They really can’t help it.
Remember, everyone does the best they can.
“Alice”
She was invited to be with her sister’s in laws for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But Sally did not want to go. She mentally did not feel up to it. Her sister is neither understanding nor forgiving. She does not understand that mental conditions can be as limiting as physical. Now her sister is being rude. Her sister does not want to talk to her much. So we have some mending to do.
Why did Alice not want to go?
Alice is very sensitive.
She is socially awkward. She is not comfortable around most anyone.
Alice dreaded the idea of driving somewhere unfamiliar especially if it meant driving home in the dark. Alice would have been preoccupied with this the whole time. It is hard to have fun if you are thinking about getting home without getting lost. So, that would be a preoccupation.
She is not working right now. So she dreaded the questions about her employment status.
And as for Christmas there is the whole gift exchange issues. She does not want to receive gifts. Because if she does not like the gift then she has to pretend she does. That is hard for Alice. Then she has to buy gifts for her sister and brother in law. She does not like to shop. So, she would have to shop which is stressful. Then, it would be stressful to have them open the gifts. She thinks they won’t like the gifts and she would feel stupid with the gifts she purchased. Then she would think that if they like the gifts, they would just be pretending to like them.
All of this because she is so sensitive. To be at peace, the answer for Alice was to stay home. She knew that her sister would be disappointed, but understanding as Alice explained how she felt.
But her sister is not understanding. Now, I don’t want to make the sister look bad. Her reaction is actually quite normal. Because she, like most, is not truly understanding about the limitations these sort of mental conditions. She took Alice not going to the family gatherings as personal. “You don’t want to be with me, us, for the holidays.”
Be forgiving and understanding
If you encounter a person like Alice, I urge you to be patient. This is a mental condition. It can’t be “healed”, but it can be helped. But when they are at a low point, they are just as limited in their actions as someone might be with back pain, or foot pain, or migraine headaches or any number of physical ailment.
Hope
Alice is not without hope. She can work on these things. Understand why you are the way you are is the first step. And Alice understands her condition now. It isn’t what she thought it was. She also knows she is not alone. Lots of other people feel the same way. Alice has joined a support group for starters.
She also understands she has limitations. We all do. We all do the best we can. Alice will be getting some “tools” to use to help her not feel so bad. She will never be the social butterfly her sister and brother in law are, but she has room for improvement.
Understand we all do our best was also a big relief.
Yeah!
Lisa Y coaching
www.facebook.com/lisaylifecoach