Empower U

How bad do things have to get in your relationship in order for you to make changes? Do you stay and suffer? Stay and accept? Or leave?

Stay and suffer is very different than staying and accept. If you stay and suffer, you find yourself turning to alcohol or other numbing agents to mask the pain you are dealing with. You may even turn to another person to find comfort. Stay and accept, is when you turn a blind eye and focus only on the good times while ignoring the real issues. Those are just examples of what you could be doing when you stay in an unhealthy relationship but it is not true for everyone.

I would not suggest to anyone that leaving their partner is the way to go unless they are in an abusive relationship. Even still abuse can show itself in many different forms. You have to decide what is right for you because you are the one that is living your life. If you have children then you have to think about the ramifications that it will have on your child(ren) whatever your decision is. That is why it is so important to set the standards in the beginning and stick to them before you bring children into an unhealthy situation.

You have to be willing to ask for what you need and also be willing to do the same for your partner in return. You have to make the choice to break the cycle and set standards.

I’m getting a lot of questions about people who do not make changes in unhealthy relationships because they are afraid to be alone. A new study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says the fear of being single may drive adults to stay in bad relationships or settle for less-than-desirable partners, all because they’d rather have someone than no one.

We need to have periods of being alone for a reason. It is part of a healing process and a way of waking up to look at truth and reality. When you avoid this period you never complete the process and therefore carry unnecessary baggage or resentments with you into the next relationship. In addition, being alone gives you time to find peace, clarity to learn about yourself. If you have a relationship with yourself, you are never really alone, you might not be in an intimate relationship but if you take the time to heal the relationship with yourself, you will never FEEL alone.

You also get the time that we need to reflect on what just occurred in your life without all the noise and chaos of an unhealthy relationship. We should all strive to feel connected with ourselves and feel that we are enough all by ourselves. Take the lessons from previous relationships that you let go of now or in the past and see what you needed to learn from them. Was there more than one lesson in those relationships? Take those lessons and use them to create that a better future.

Being alone is a beautiful opportunity to take care of yourself. Take the time to heal. Do the internal work. Let go of the negative beliefs. See yourself happy in that new life even if you are alone and let go of the fear of being alone because you have family and friends as your support system. Taking these moments to reflect can allow you to gain a fresh perspective on where you would like to be in your future. You can set priorities that are most important to you and look at what priorities have changed.

We all are afraid at some point in our lives, but fear should not allow you to lower your standards. Fear is what motivates you to do better and the more you do the more confidence you gain. That positive energy you put out will bring the right person to you.

Spirituality binds you with your soul. You become self-aware, self-accepting, self-forgiving. Everyone has their own definition but one thing that I find true is that It serves as a moral compass for how you treat others and it forces you to be true to yourself. Spirituality allows you not to judge others but to let the higher being and power decide. No one is perfect therefore we cannot and should not judge. The devotion and strength of your relationship with your spirituality shows itself in many different forms. You find peace with yourself and the mishaps you made in life which fuels a desire for posItive change. You are at peace with others which is not to be confused with accepting bad behavior, it’s being accepting of others where they are in their journey. Bad behavior in itself is determined by each persons beliefs and should not be used to demoralize others. You limit yourself when you choose to only accept those that believe the same as you. You have to be as open and forgiving as you would want others towards you.

How connected are you with your spirituality? Regardless of your religious belief, are you living your life being one with your spirituality being accepting and loving towards all put here on earth? Are you judgemental?

All of our lives are going to end the same. We tend to forget about two of the most important days of our lives. The day we are born and the day we realize that we death is imminent. You have to accept it, you can’t dodge it, you may try to delay it but after all is said is done, there is only one way out of here. Once you really think about it and understand it, then you begin to work on how to make your life the best journey for you. The sad thing is that most people do not think about their lives as terminal so they live it as if they will get a second chance.

You do not want a life of regret. We mourn at funerals because our loved one will be missed but it also is a wake up call for all us to make changes in our lives. Mistakes are guaranteed, it’s a part of life and that is how you gather strength and resilience and gain the momentum to be better. Regret eats at you with the “what ifs…?”. Regret is when you do not take risks, regret is surrounding yourself with people that do not care for your best interest. Why do think that as you age you start to care less about what people think of you or if they will disapprove of you? That is because you have learned that this is your life to live, the end is near so F$@k what anyone else has to say about you especially if it is not true, most importantly you are doing things to make yourself better because it will trickle down to your kids and others that you care about.

Your job is to learn as much as you can, be the best person you can be and give back even when it may not seem possible but most of all, you have to take control of your life. You have many dreams and goals yet you hold yourself back because of self doubt or the “dream killers” that cannot see the bigger picture. I’m here to let you know that you are capable and worthy of achieving your goals and dreams. It will not be easy but it is possible.

What do you REALLY want to be remembered for? I want you to empower yourself so that you can at least say you tried.

If you get offended when talking about sex do not continue to read. Are you being sexually fulfilled in your relationship? It is easy for people to share the most intimate part of their body with someone and that someone may be a person they just met, yet when it comes to talking about sex people are embarrassed. Does your partner know what turns you on or what your fantasies are?

Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm. You have to allow yourself to change your self talk. You have to tell yourself “You know what? I’m going to enjoy this.” Give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow. You have to let all the craziness from the day out of your head so that you can enjoy the moment. Some reasons for not having an orgasm include sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go.

I’m not talking about the sex that you have when you are young and you just want to please your partner and everything is good. This is the sex that you have when you want to feel valued and have your happy ending too.

Fifty to 75 percent of women who have orgasms need clitoral stimulation and are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. Even for women who do orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, most still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation. You have to know how to please yourself in order to communicate your needs to your partner. Masturbation is a great way to explore what makes you feel good so you can show your partner. And no, in my humble opinion masturbation is not a sin, it is you pleasuring your own body and if you can make love and have sex with a partner then you can have sex with yourself.

It is hard today because everyone is busy and tired but once you learn how to communicate your sexual wants and desires it can be a powerful ending to a stressful day and you deserve to be satisfied.

Reference:
— Understanding the Female Orgasm, Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist, July 2003.

“Those who are closest to you are always the ones who inflict the most damage, because you never expect your weakness to be used against you by someone you trust”.

You go through things in life that just flat out leave you weak. You have to outlast the moment. When someone hurts you to your core it is okay to be upset and angry but DO NOT break down in front of that person. You have to outlast the moment then when you are out of their presence go in the bathroom, closet, or wherever your quiet place is and cry. Men do not let your woman see you cry, unless there is a death or something extremely painful has happened you can be destroyed in seconds when your strength of character comes into question.

The moment you break down in front of someone who wronged you, they gained the upper hand. Trust me when I say this. People may show compassion and feelings of remorse at that moment but they will not forget your weakness and they will hurt you again. There is an innate need for people to dominate even in the most meek person. Your colleagues, business associates, friends, spouses, and even family may know some little details of your life that they use against you at the right time.

You have to learn how to stay calm while stating your point without the explosive anger or tears. This is not easy and it comes with time and practice. There are many relationships with mutual respect however in a lot of relationships there is one person who is dominant while the other is submissive. There are different levels of submission but that is an entirely different subject.

Bottom line up front: People sometimes say things they do not mean in anger but if this becomes a repeated pattern every time there is a disagreement you have to make the decision to stay and not complain or be Empowered and walk away.

This is for the parents as you send your children off to start this school year. You hope that your children will have a great school year, getting good grades and meeting new friends as well as looking forward to their new ones. People may get mad at me right now but the truth hurts so let’s go there. If you are a bully in relationships your child may be a bully. If you are a push over then you child may get bullied. If you have a bunch of men or women in and out of your life, do not try to beat your child down when they do the same thing. “I’m grown” or “I pay the bills here” is not the going to cut it. In either case you have not shown your child what a healthy respectful relationship looks like. Children model what you do!!! You can have all the conversation that you want with them but in the end, how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you will be reflected through your kids.

You are your child’s role model. Not the people they see on t.v., in movies, athletes or any entertainer. Every relationship you have not only affects you but affects your children. The relationships you have with your spouse, partner, mother, father, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends, the children see them. You role model how they view the world and their relationships, it is based on everything that you do.

It’s evident even on Facebook, kids cursing, twerking and a a lot of other mess. It is not all learned from their peers, television and other outside sources. You cannot shield them from the outside world. Regardless of what they see you are the foundation. If you are doing the same thing that they see from the outside world then you just confirmed it, put a stamp on it and engraved it in their head.

Once you get an understanding of what it means to be the conductor in your life you’ll get a better handle on all your relationships and hold yourself to a higher standard. Your kids will learn how to conduct themselves even when you are not around. They will learn that it is better to be alone rather than to accept less than above standards. They will learn how to stand up for themselves.

If you do not know better and you are the adult, how do you expect a young growing mind to know better? Empower your children by Empowering U.

Accepting that life is challenging is a given. Understanding that life is always going to throw you a curve ball does not mean that you stand by while the people most important to you treat you poorly. That is called settling. You are betraying yourself when you accept poor behavior. You accept poor behavior because you tell yourself “that’s just how mama is and always will be” or ” they really don’t mean any harm”. Believe it or not it does cause harm. Each day that you settle and accept poor behavior towards you from your spouse, partner, friend, co-worker or whomever, it slowly chips away at who you are. It chips away at your soul like a cancer, and if multiple people are constantly chipping away then slowly you will find that your soul has nothing left. You have that numb feeling of indifference in your heart.

You know it’s happening. It’s those days when you feel like crying and you have no idea why. Those days when you feel like you gave everything of yourself and you have nothing left to give. It’s those days when you see the text messages coming in yet you don’t want to reply. Or even those days when you are out with your friends or having a quiet night with your lover yet you still feel empty.

There comes a time when you have to feed and replenish your soul. You pray to heal the person mistreating you and yet nothing seems to change. It may seem as if your prayers are answered when they treat you well for a couple days but then it’s right back to the same stuff. I challenge you to pray for your own strength and encouragement to make the changes you need to replenish your soul. Pray to gain insight and clarity so you can overcome whatever the fear is that is rendering you powerless to remove yourself from the people chipping away at your soul. It is not selfish to take care of yourself and your needs. You can no longer betray yourself.

It is time to take action without fear of judgement but with empowerment.

No matter how much good you do in your life, there will always be someone standing on the sideline trying to tear you down because they knew you back when…. Don’t let that discourage you from where you are today. You may not not have it all together but you are taking steps in the right direction. You may slip but as with all things you dust yourself off, acknowledge your fall, and continue to grow. Do not depend on what others think of you to validate yourself. Make a mental note, better yet, write it down in a journal so you can reference it and figure out what you could have done differently so that you do not make the same mistake again. No one is perfect. You can even take it a step further and apologize to the person or people you may have wronged. You may not even have wronged another person but you wronged yourself, then you owe YOURSELF and apology.

People may criticize you for going to church now or not associating with people from your past, but that’s your right! You made the choice to want more for yourself. Hold your head up and embrace your past because without your past you would not be who you are TODAY.

Stand Tall!!!

Hello Friends,

People are successful and find peace in their life and relationships because they took the time to figure out their purpose, their reason for being. When you choose to do nothing you are settling for less than what you are destined to become. You are cheating yourself out of being fulfilled in the only life you have. In order to find purpose you have to start having “real talk” conversations with yourself about what truly makes you happy. You also need to determine if you are surrounding yourself with people that have achieved their goals or are at least on that path. Majority of the time you will talk yourself out of your dreams and ambitions because you are afraid to fail. The voice in your head starts questioning everything, then you begin to list the reasons why you cannot achieve your goals. The negative talk needs to stop. Failing does not mean you are a failure, it merely means you need to find another way of doing things. You will never know unless you try.

You have to step outside your comfort zone. When you become frustrated with how things are going in your life that is the universe telling you it’s time for change. That does not mean you cannot weigh the pros versus the cons in order to come up with a plan to achieve your goals. There will be road blocks along the way. You cannot have change without taking action in your life and start taking risks.

Register today for a sample session so you can stop riding as a passenger in your life and become the conductor.