Empower U

Endurance does not mean that you have to burn yourself out, it means that you set priorities, make a plan on how you are going to achieve those priorities and communicate at home and the workplace then stick to it. Something will always come up but from my experience in the military plan B is not always an option, you have to find multiple ways to make plan A work therefore you have to fight through all the mishaps and keep going. Determination and inner fortitude is what will separate you with your success in your relationships and at work from those who choose not to endure, fail then complain about it.

Let’s get it!!!

~Empower U

Be mindful when you speak. We all have our opinions and judgement of many things but before you open your mouth to say what’s on your mind ask your self “am I hurting the situation or am I about to give knowledge?”… “am I putting someone down or helping to lift someone up?”. Remember it is not what you say but how you say it, know your audience because you intentions may be good but their perception is reality. Everyone has their array of feelings, some people say they have “thick skin” and some people are hypersensitive. Just ask yourself, can I take what I’m about to say if it was said to me this way? That may help you translate what is in your head to something more productive.

There is no one more important than you right now. Not your kids, partner, parents, BFF. You cannot help anyone if you are not the healthiest you possible, you can only drag them along with you. Everyday you wake up wanting to do and be the best you possible yet everything on your shoulders continue to weigh you down. It is possible to get through anything but you have to set “me priorities”. It is no secret why the flight attendants say “if we loose pressure in the cabin put the mask on yourself first,” then help your children or others in need.

You get caught up with the words “I feel guilty” or you don’t want anyone to think you are being selfish. You put on a happy face then go out into the world and everyone wants to take from you because they have no idea about your daily struggles. All the sleepless nights or the self medication, using alcohol, NyQuil or whatever your medication of choice is will not help you to be best you possible. It only masks and numbs your situation. Get yourself in order so that you can pay it forward. You are no good to anyone if your mind is not at peace. Most importantly as I always say and will continue to say… Get those voices out of your head that make you feel obligated to do things for others that you have not done for yourself.

Today is the day to Empower U.

If there is a situation that you are going through that you would like me to a address inbox me or email me at jamillah.foulkes@gmail.com and I will provide you with feedback.

Love is a powerful word that is thrown around very often and it dilutes the meaning. This is part three of the ‘dating your partner consistently challenge’. Do not love things or people that do not or cannot love you back. It’s easy to say I love my partner or spouse and that works when everything is good. It is normal to not like the action that someone is doing at a particular moment however love is a commitment that is made to another that should not waiver especially during the most trying of times when you are needed the most.

You do not love someone in just a month of knowing them. You do not have love for your partner or spouse unless you have gone through life experiences when you had to show up for someone and they show up for you during the lowest times in life. This is why affairs do not work, once the real need for commitment shows itself the “love” wears off. Being with someone when the butterflies are there and the excitement of the newness is strong quickly disappears when the real life issues start to surface like the bills, kids if you have any and what I like to call the other unflattering moments.

Love is work and commitment just like a career. Everyone has to put their all into the relationship for it to last. You put your all into love with the intent that you will receive care, empathy and adoration in return. It’s the security you have to know when one person is down the other is up. You may not be your best sometimes but the other person is there to help you and carry your weight. It’s a team effort and it should be equal and unconditional. You should talk about your priorities and be able to address them as they may change during your life journey. Everyone should be able to communicate about their expectations, religion, politics, sex, family and finances at a minimum. The main thing that absolutely has to be there is trust and respect.

We are all human and make mistakes so love will hurt sometimes but the solace is in knowing that someone has your back even on your bad days and it should be a two way street. If it is truly love you will first, love yourself enough to know how you expect and deserve to be treated, then you have to be willing to give love, lastly you have to be open to receiving and accepting love.

You will know that love is real when you look around and see who is there to support you, encourage you, hold you, listen to you free of judgement and not expect anything from you during your lowest moments, and that takes time.

I do not know exactly how many of you are doing my ‘dating your partner consistently’ four week challenge, however here is part two to help you along the way. Also if you have any questions about the challenge or you are feeling discouraged because change is not happening fast enough remember it’s four weeks for a reason and you can inbox me your questions or concerns. So here it is, you have to learn how to be bi-lingual. I’m not talking about love languages, I will address that in another post. I’m talking about the things that are said and how they are received.

For example, someone says “I need time to figure out …..” And you hear “you need space?”, “you don’t want to be with me anymore” or another translation “you have someone on the side?”… And then the argument begins. This is true for all types of relationships, you may say something and all hell breaks loose because what you said does not match what the other person heard and vice versa.

Becoming bi-lingual is very hard to do because it take time, effort, practice and patience for everyone involved. Someone’s background, previous relationship or life experiences can cause huge communication issues on both sides. As with all things effective communication is required. I know the guys are saying ” more talking?”, but it is not more talking, it gaining understanding of the person you are communicating with and is absolutely important in order to get through this issue. You have to be willing to repeat in a calm manner what you heard someone say in order to get clarity BEFORE you blow up on them. It may not even be a negative thing. You may think you heard someone was say that they were going to do something nice then it blows up because you are disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

This is not for all conversations but if you find your arguments sounding like, “but you said…. To me” and it’s a lot of back and forth about what was or was not said, then it’s time to put this into action. You both have to come to an agreement that if something is said that bothers you or if you have an expectation of someone, then you speak up to get clarification . As you begin to do this you will find that you do eventually become bi-lingual because you learn how the other person speaks or articulates their feelings then you no longer have to ask them what they meant.

Relationships are ruined due to lack of understanding exactly what the other was saying. People go years without speaking to each other just because of what they thought they heard someone say to them. Empower yourself and others not to talk more but to become effective communicators.

Time and money is spent on your education so you can have a career. Time and money is spent at the gym so you can be physically healthy. However when time and money is mentioned to have a healthier mind, soul and relationships then you waiver.

The thing is everyone vents to their family and friends constantly when nine times out of ten they are having the same issues as you. The divorce rate in the United States is about 40 to 50 percent, that is if you even make it to marriage and the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

If you have children, the odds of them having mental, physical, educational and social problems decrease if they come from a happy, loving home. You do not have to be married but again the key is a happy, loving home whether you are married, dating or a single parent. If you are mentally stressed or exhausted your kids can sense it, at times even causing them to also stress.

It is important regardless of your status that you put in the same time and effort that you do for everything else in your life, to take care of your mental and spiritual health. What good is that career if you are having issues that you do not know how to deal with at work? You may not even be able to focus at work because you are stressing over relationships with your spouse, partner or family. What good is going to the gym to be physically healthy meanwhile you are having anxiety and panic attacks or nervous breakdowns because of life stressors?

If you are going to invest in you, then invest in all of you because your mind is what makes all the other things possible.

We live each day like we are promised tomorrow. Being a service member thinking about 9/11, battle buddies that I have lost along with all my friends that have passed at such a young age, it fuels me to remind you that you have to live your life to the fullest. I am approaching 40 this year and I think about all the things I could have done right for myself if I knew better.

When I post on here it’s to get YOU to see how special you are. I want you to make changes in your life while you can. Don’t stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to you. Don’t allow your family to disrespect you just because they have the title of mom, dad, aunt, uncle, etc… You cannot pick your family and you are always to be thankful and respectful to your parents for giving you life but that does not mean that you are to accept being treated as less than. Don’t hang around people you call your friend if there is no mutual respect.

Don’t wait until you are 40, 50 or even older to realize how precious and valuable you are. That is precious time wasted that you can never get back. Get Empowered today because you are not promised tomorrow.

We tend to get caught up in what the other person is not doing right in the relationship when half of the problem is what we are not doing right. It is very easy to complain about all the negative things in our relationships. It’s time to take a moment to point the crooked finger at yourself. This may take a second to sink in and what I’m about to say does not mean that your feelings about your partner are not valid. What it means is someone has to be the one to create change in the relationship or else you will just keep going in circles. A relationship is made up of two people that after a period of time being together, EVERYONE starts to get comfortable. Just imagine how great the relationship would feel if you both continued to treat each other the way you did when you first started dating. It would make it easier to work through the little things that starts arguments. My challenge to you would be to start doing ALL the things you did when you were trying to get your partner. Go back to day one when you were first attracted to that person. Everything from the kind words to making an effort to dress up and look nice even though you were just going to eat dinner and watch a movie at your house. All the sexy text messages during the day to putting on a huge sexy smile and giving them a long seductive kiss after not seeing them for a while. Leave loving notes on their pillow or in their wallet. Yes, I’m talking about ALL those things you did when you had it in your head that this person is going to be my man or woman. I challenge you to do this for four weeks straight and see if you notice a difference in your partner. Do not tell them what you are doing, just do it and see what happens. Why should you do this? Because we get comfortable with each other then start blaming each other when we don’t feel loved, appreciated or desired by our partners but we never really stop to think that we aren’t doing that great of a job ourself. Couples tend to mirror each other, if you do this without saying a word about what you are doing… Watch how your partner starts doing the same thing. I said four weeks because one, you have to be consistent and two, they are going to think you lost your mind so it’s going to take a while to catch on but if you stick to it there will be change. The next thing are the excuses about being tired, busy with work, that person “pissed me off so I’m not doing anything, they need to do it first”. I can say the tired thing is out the door because if you met someone new today with your busy schedule and all the things you have going on, you will still put in a huge effort to attract them if you wanted too. All I can say is try it. If after four weeks of you consistently doing those things and there is no change at all in your partner then it is probably time for counseling or to go your separate ways because there is something deeper going on. Nine times out of ten the issues manifest into something bigger when the real issue is you and your partner want to feel, loved desired and appreciated and it boils down to “they don’t do the things they used to do”.
Start being the Conductor of your relationship. Empower yourself and your partner, you deserve it.

The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors. ~Napoleon Hill

We all know it is easy to talk yourself out of achieving your dreams and goals. But the question still remains on whether or not you should share your goals with friends and family.

– Sometimes if you share your goals with your family and friends then they start to list the reasons why you cannot achieve your goals especially if they haven’t achieved theirs. Even if you were very motivated, your mind can become discouraged by their beliefs and you might find yourself discouraged too.

– You can also start to burn yourself out because now that you shared your goals everyone wants to see progress. You start to do things based on other peoples timeline because they expect to see results.

Or the other hand

– The words of discouragement may just be the fuel you need that motivates and drive you to want to achieve your goals even more if for nothing else, just to prove them wrong.

– You start to hold yourself accountable because now that you put it out there you must follow through on your word, or at least make a valid attempt.

Don’t underestimate the effect your mind has on you especially if the person you share your goals with is someone that you trust. Know yourself and work at your own pace whether you choose to share your goals or not. The point I’m making is that you are in charge of your success, whether you succeed or not should not discourage you from setting new goals. But most of all be your own cheerleader, your opinion is what should matter to you the most.

Ref: dragosroua

What happens when you are in a relationship with someone and you don’t ever feel appreciated? No matter what you do, you are just never good enough or at least that is the impression you get. Men and women have the same need to feel appreciated it just shows itself in different ways.

I look at my life with my husband and my family, and no matter who you are, we all have those moments of feeling unappreciated. I thought about the work I do as a life coach and the clients I have helped along the way. Have I felt appreciated in my life’s work?

We tend to feel like people should just know what you have done and affirm you. That is not always the case. In my own experiences, I had to realize that if I did something from my heart and gave it my all, the fact that I made a difference in someone’s life should be my reward and eventually it will come back to me. Sara Paddison said “Appreciation is hidden power from the heart.” That may work for me but if your love language are words of affirmation then you need to hear words like, gratitude, awareness, generosity, admiration, appreciate, because they equal feelings of love and appreciation.

It is not selfish to want another person to appreciate, value, or desire you, no matter how you might feel about yourself at the moment. You have to learn to communicate your needs to people so they can understand the value those words have with you. As long as you let them know in a kind way then there is not much more you can do, especially if you gave from your heart. You can choose to continue to do things for those who will not do for you, or not. If it’s a work situation and your boss shows no appreciation, it’s still good to let them know how you are contributing to the workplace in case they been too busy to realize, especially for raises and promotions.

In the end, be honest and kind. The biggest thing is if someone does offer appreciation and words of kindness to you, don’t question it. Embrace it.