I’m getting a lot of questions about people who do not make changes in unhealthy relationships because they are afraid to be alone. A new study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says the fear of being single may drive adults to stay in bad relationships or settle for less-than-desirable partners, all because they’d rather have someone than no one.

We need to have periods of being alone for a reason. It is part of a healing process and a way of waking up to look at truth and reality. When you avoid this period you never complete the process and therefore carry unnecessary baggage or resentments with you into the next relationship. In addition, being alone gives you time to find peace, clarity to learn about yourself. If you have a relationship with yourself, you are never really alone, you might not be in an intimate relationship but if you take the time to heal the relationship with yourself, you will never FEEL alone.

You also get the time that we need to reflect on what just occurred in your life without all the noise and chaos of an unhealthy relationship. We should all strive to feel connected with ourselves and feel that we are enough all by ourselves. Take the lessons from previous relationships that you let go of now or in the past and see what you needed to learn from them. Was there more than one lesson in those relationships? Take those lessons and use them to create that a better future.

Being alone is a beautiful opportunity to take care of yourself. Take the time to heal. Do the internal work. Let go of the negative beliefs. See yourself happy in that new life even if you are alone and let go of the fear of being alone because you have family and friends as your support system. Taking these moments to reflect can allow you to gain a fresh perspective on where you would like to be in your future. You can set priorities that are most important to you and look at what priorities have changed.

We all are afraid at some point in our lives, but fear should not allow you to lower your standards. Fear is what motivates you to do better and the more you do the more confidence you gain. That positive energy you put out will bring the right person to you.