We tend to get caught up in what the other person is not doing right in the relationship when half of the problem is what we are not doing right. It is very easy to complain about all the negative things in our relationships. It’s time to take a moment to point the crooked finger at yourself. This may take a second to sink in and what I’m about to say does not mean that your feelings about your partner are not valid. What it means is someone has to be the one to create change in the relationship or else you will just keep going in circles. A relationship is made up of two people that after a period of time being together, EVERYONE starts to get comfortable. Just imagine how great the relationship would feel if you both continued to treat each other the way you did when you first started dating. It would make it easier to work through the little things that starts arguments. My challenge to you would be to start doing ALL the things you did when you were trying to get your partner. Go back to day one when you were first attracted to that person. Everything from the kind words to making an effort to dress up and look nice even though you were just going to eat dinner and watch a movie at your house. All the sexy text messages during the day to putting on a huge sexy smile and giving them a long seductive kiss after not seeing them for a while. Leave loving notes on their pillow or in their wallet. Yes, I’m talking about ALL those things you did when you had it in your head that this person is going to be my man or woman. I challenge you to do this for four weeks straight and see if you notice a difference in your partner. Do not tell them what you are doing, just do it and see what happens. Why should you do this? Because we get comfortable with each other then start blaming each other when we don’t feel loved, appreciated or desired by our partners but we never really stop to think that we aren’t doing that great of a job ourself. Couples tend to mirror each other, if you do this without saying a word about what you are doing… Watch how your partner starts doing the same thing. I said four weeks because one, you have to be consistent and two, they are going to think you lost your mind so it’s going to take a while to catch on but if you stick to it there will be change. The next thing are the excuses about being tired, busy with work, that person “pissed me off so I’m not doing anything, they need to do it first”. I can say the tired thing is out the door because if you met someone new today with your busy schedule and all the things you have going on, you will still put in a huge effort to attract them if you wanted too. All I can say is try it. If after four weeks of you consistently doing those things and there is no change at all in your partner then it is probably time for counseling or to go your separate ways because there is something deeper going on. Nine times out of ten the issues manifest into something bigger when the real issue is you and your partner want to feel, loved desired and appreciated and it boils down to “they don’t do the things they used to do”.
Start being the Conductor of your relationship. Empower yourself and your partner, you deserve it.